I tattled on my BIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

The next step is to delegate to your DH to have a convoluted since presumably in this scenario BIL or his wife is your DHs sibling. If the behavior still doesn’t change, then stay away or leave situations where he is dumping the kids.

I am a widow so this falls to me. Yes, this is his sister’s husband. She dumps the kids too, but she isn’t going on this trip.

Then decline invitations. Problem solved. Use your words like a big girl, and use your words directly to the only two people who are displaying the behavior you don’t like: BIL and his wife. Leave Good Grandma out of it. She has done nothing wrong, so she doesn’t need to hear your complaints.

Wrong. It was Mil’s plan. Op has to explain why it won’t work for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

The next step is to delegate to your DH to have a convoluted since presumably in this scenario BIL or his wife is your DHs sibling. If the behavior still doesn’t change, then stay away or leave situations where he is dumping the kids.

I am a widow so this falls to me. Yes, this is his sister’s husband. She dumps the kids too, but she isn’t going on this trip.

Then decline invitations. Problem solved. Use your words like a big girl, and use your words directly to the only two people who are displaying the behavior you don’t like: BIL and his wife. Leave Good Grandma out of it. She has done nothing wrong, so she doesn’t need to hear your complaints.

Wrong. It was Mil’s plan. Op has to explain why it won’t work for her family.

Why does she have to explain it? Or why does she have to use that complete explanation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

The next step is to delegate to your DH to have a convoluted since presumably in this scenario BIL or his wife is your DHs sibling. If the behavior still doesn’t change, then stay away or leave situations where he is dumping the kids.

I am a widow so this falls to me. Yes, this is his sister’s husband. She dumps the kids too, but she isn’t going on this trip.

Then decline invitations. Problem solved. Use your words like a big girl, and use your words directly to the only two people who are displaying the behavior you don’t like: BIL and his wife. Leave Good Grandma out of it. She has done nothing wrong, so she doesn’t need to hear your complaints.

Wrong. It was Mil’s plan. Op has to explain why it won’t work for her family.

No, she doesn’t. An explanation is never required. It’s an invitation, not a summons.

“Thank you, but that’s not going to work for our schedule.” The end.

I was invited to an event by a neighbor whose kids are extremely difficult to be around. I declined the invitation by simply saying, “I’m afraid we can’t make it.” No excuse needed to be gracious, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just say no to the Great Wolf Lodge and propose something else without sabotaging this relationship. Do you want to alienate this family?

Do you propose alternate birthday parties for other people’s kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No point in dancing around the truth. Op told the truth and it needed to be said. Mil can take it however and could have said nothing to bil. Bil could very well just say well larla is just paranoid about kids they are all fine.

It’s not up to op to set up a mediate a complex buffer dynamic in her in laws’ family. She doesn’t trust bil to take her kids to the water park, that’s it. Mil suggested it, she said no and explained why. The other peoples’ reactions are not on her. All these other complex scenarios suggested are going to create more trouble and work for op and are not her problem or responsibilities. And frankly if this were a man no one would expect him to do all this extra in-laws work.

Except that now OP isn’t happy about the result, which was entirely predictable. If she didn’t give a f* then she can say what she wants and who cares. Since she does care, she should have found a socially acceptable way to smooth declining the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just say no to the Great Wolf Lodge and propose something else without sabotaging this relationship. Do you want to alienate this family?

Do you propose alternate birthday parties for other people’s kids?

Dumbass, its OPs kid's birthday too. What do you think "both tweens" means? Now run along and play in traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just say no to the Great Wolf Lodge and propose something else without sabotaging this relationship. Do you want to alienate this family?

Do you propose alternate birthday parties for other people’s kids?

Dumbass, its OPs kid's birthday too. What do you think "both tweens" means? Now run along and play in traffic.

Well yes but obviously she is planning this as a gift to her grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did nothing wrong

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just say no to the Great Wolf Lodge and propose something else without sabotaging this relationship. Do you want to alienate this family?

Do you propose alternate birthday parties for other people’s kids?

Dumbass, its OPs kid's birthday too. What do you think "both tweens" means? Now run along and play in traffic.

Well yes but obviously she is planning this as a gift to her grandchild.

NP. “Thank you for thinking of Jason, but that’s not going to work for our schedule. We look forward to seeing you at [next known thing].”

See how that wasn’t hard, or rude, at all?

[Anonymous]

Not only did you do nothing wrong, but you should have tackled BIL directly years ago.

If it was awkward, OP, YOU shouldn't be feeling guilty. HE should be feeling guilty. Only agree to the waterpark scheme if his Mom can assure you that she will be watching the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just say no to the Great Wolf Lodge and propose something else without sabotaging this relationship. Do you want to alienate this family?

Do you propose alternate birthday parties for other people’s kids?

Dumbass, its OPs kid's birthday too. What do you think "both tweens" means? Now run along and play in traffic.

Well yes but obviously she is planning this as a gift to her grandchild.

Who shares a birthday. So it would be a joint party. It's not like grandma booked the party and sent out invites and OP and family are merely guests. Let it go. OP can have a say here too for her kid's birthday outing.

[Anonymous]

We need to get rid of this "tattling" concept, it's preventing people from speaking up in situations where it's necessary to speak up.

You did not "tattle", OP. You revealed a problem that had long been an issue. It was past time. You could also have spoken to your idiot BIL directly, a long time ago.

I can't relate to people who just sweep exploitation under the rug - particularly exploitation by males.

[Anonymous]

OP, no idea what to do about the BIL/MIL dynamic, but if I were you I would talk to my own kids about setting boundaries, saying no, standing up to grown ups, and speaking up when a situation is unfair or unsafe. These are skills they will need their whole lives to protect them from moochers and abusers.

[Anonymous]

You have a tween and teen, how exactly are you expecting them to be supervised at a water park? Or are you just concerned you teen son will be made to supervise his toddler cousin? At a place like GWL, we have our tweens check in with us every 45 minutes or so, but we are not doing every slide with them. I’m a little confused about what the safety issue is for your kids, since yours are a tween and teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a tween and teen, how exactly are you expecting them to be supervised at a water park? Or are you just concerned you teen son will be made to supervise his toddler cousin? At a place like GWL, we have our tweens check in with us every 45 minutes or so, but we are not doing every slide with them. I’m a little confused about what the safety issue is for your kids, since yours are a tween and teen.

It’s not GWL it’s a bigger park. I worry that my 15 will be left alone in the park with 5 kids 12 and under including a 1 year old, a situation that I consider pretty stressful.