I tattled on my BIL

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids, a teen and a tween. My BIL and SIL have several kids ranging from a tween who is my kid’s bff to a young toddler. My BIL is a nice guy, and a good father. But he has this super annoying habit of dumping his kids on people. When he does it to me it’s annoying, but I can decide in advance what I will do and set my boundaries and it turns out OK, but he also does it to my teenager which bothers me more.

His mother is visiting, and she has been bringing the kids to meet mine at the pool. It has been really nice as she stays and watches the kids and brings food (something else he doesn’t do).

Both tweens have birthdays coming up and his Mom has proposed taking some or all the kids to a water park for a couple days. I am concerned that my oldest will find himself in the water park with too many kids to safely manage. She asked me why I was worried and I explained that it would fit with the pattern.

We saw their whole family this weekend and it was awkward. I could tell she’d told him. I am not sure if I should have just declined the invite and made an excuse or what.

What do people think?

[Anonymous]

You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re wasting your time even posting about this. Go live your life. Who cares? You have no idea whether or not anything was said to anyone. Again, who cares? He obviously doesn’t care what you think or else he wouldn’t pawn off his kids. And if your BIL tries to dump his kids on your teens again, have the backbone to talk to him directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

NP here. I disagree. I don't broach subjects like this with men. Too risky, it could set them off on a violent tirade. Men only defend themselves, in my experience. It's not as if he will take your words as constructive criticism. Men actually don't care at all about things like children's safety and comfort. Your BIL sounds like a typical man. Watch out for him, he could be abusing his wife or doing something predatory with the younger children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

NP here. I disagree. I don't broach subjects like this with men. Too risky, it could set them off on a violent tirade. Men only defend themselves, in my experience. It's not as if he will take your words as constructive criticism. Men actually don't care at all about things like children's safety and comfort. Your BIL sounds like a typical man. Watch out for him, he could be abusing his wife or doing something predatory with the younger children.

This poster needs therapy stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

I have addressed it with him multiple times. I don’t allow my kids to be alone with his him and his kids around water because of it, so simply telling him and letting them go is a problem.

Then I'd ignore him. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said and your safety issues are legit. If he's pissed, it's because he knows he's wrong. Let him get over it. I wouldn't do anything. BUt I also wouldn't be telling that MIL anything again that you didn't want to be shared.

[Anonymous]

I’m really confused. This water park seems to have nothing to do with MIL. You say MIL takes the kids to the pool and does a good job supervising. Now, same trustworthy MIL wants to take kids to water park. Why would trustworthy/supervising MIL suddenly expect a tween to manage another kid?

[Anonymous]

Argh — nothing to do with BIL, I mean/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

Exactly this.

Your points and concerns are totally valid. But adults talk to other adults, directly. Parents who have concerns about their kid talk to the other parent involved, directly. What you did was gossipy, unproductive, and just plain rude. You shot yourself in the foot, too. You were in the right, but because you mishandled the situation by gossiping instead of addressing an issue directly, now YOU look like the unreasonable, rude one.

Your response to his mother should have been: “I’ll have to talk to Ted about that and discuss some details, but that’s something they would probably really enjoy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

Yes. If you’re concerned about safety at a water park then you do not let your kids go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really confused. This water park seems to have nothing to do with MIL. You say MIL takes the kids to the pool and does a good job supervising. Now, same trustworthy MIL wants to take kids to water park. Why would trustworthy/supervising MIL suddenly expect a tween to manage another kid?

The plan is that he would go, and I am concerned that she would do something that would otherwise be reasonable like taking the toddler back to the hotel suite for a nap and expecting that her son would watch the other kids.

She’s neither of our MIL.