I tattled on my BIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We need to get rid of this "tattling" concept, it's preventing people from speaking up in situations where it's necessary to speak up.

You did not "tattle", OP. You revealed a problem that had long been an issue. It was past time. You could also have spoken to your idiot BIL directly, a long time ago.

I can't relate to people who just sweep exploitation under the rug - particularly exploitation by males.

It’s not exploitation. Sounds like he just has different standards for supervision than OP (or I) would have. That said, I know parents who are terrible drivers and I don’t allow my kids to ride with them, but I certainly don’t provide my assessment as an explanation. It wouldn’t change their behavior.

It absolutely is exploitation if he dumps the kids on a minor who may not feel he can say no. This is just so much bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally PPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

^PPs opinon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

NP here. I disagree. I don't broach subjects like this with men. Too risky, it could set them off on a violent tirade. Men only defend themselves, in my experience. It's not as if he will take your words as constructive criticism. Men actually don't care at all about things like children's safety and comfort. Your BIL sounds like a typical man. Watch out for him, he could be abusing his wife or doing something predatory with the younger children.

Omg, you went waaaaay out on the ledge here. Your perception here has nothing to do with the context and is pretty unhinged. Let's work on your issues in another thread. Jeeez. I need an effing shower after that response.

OP- You've been bottling up some concerns which would have been best dealt with in an more problem solving win- win way, rather than a passive aggressive triangulation which has now cost everyone what was a very nice family relationship. Why couldn't you have just sorted this out matter of factly, and kindly, with him and not in this way?

Not op. You have serious reading comprehension issues. Your posts are humorous in a sad way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No point in dancing around the truth. Op told the truth and it needed to be said. Mil can take it however and could have said nothing to bil. Bil could very well just say well larla is just paranoid about kids they are all fine.

It’s not up to op to set up a mediate a complex buffer dynamic in her in laws’ family. She doesn’t trust bil to take her kids to the water park, that’s it. Mil suggested it, she said no and explained why. The other peoples’ reactions are not on her. All these other complex scenarios suggested are going to create more trouble and work for op and are not her problem or responsibilities. And frankly if this were a man no one would expect him to do all this extra in-laws work.

This! Nothing wrong with telling Grandma the truth. It's her (adult) son and she asked. If you've already spoken to BIL about it then he knows and so what if he knows you said the same thing to his mother. BIL can be huffy, but if true I bet that doesn't stop him from still dropping his kids with you! And, now Grandma knows why you won't be accepting the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut unless it was directly to your BIL.

And just not let my kids go?

No, if you felt strongly about your brother-in-law, then you should have addressed the issue with him personally and not with his mommy. It was really immature and backstabbing of you.

NP here. I disagree. I don't broach subjects like this with men. Too risky, it could set them off on a violent tirade. Men only defend themselves, in my experience. It's not as if he will take your words as constructive criticism. Men actually don't care at all about things like children's safety and comfort. Your BIL sounds like a typical man. Watch out for him, he could be abusing his wife or doing something predatory with the younger children.

You misandry is out of control. I really hope you don't have any sons. Or kids in general. You need professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

You with the insane hysteria. You clearly refuse to consider what anyone else is saying. Where did she blow it all up? She wasn't aggressive or rude with her words. How was what she said ineffective communication? You just don't like a woman speaking in a more direct manner. She could have been more clear and direct and still not be rude or relationship ruining. Those traits belong to bil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Where did you get the idea that I either blew up relationships or have a deceased brother?

— OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Where did you get the idea that I either blew up relationships or have a deceased brother?

— OP

Op, I'd give it up. There is a poster here who needs to be mad at you and needs you to be wrong. Good luck. You did the right thing looking out for your kids.

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children! Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping. Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life.

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships.

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child.

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty.

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't. "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs.

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

You with the insane hysteria. You clearly refuse to consider what anyone else is saying. Where did she blow it all up? She wasn't aggressive or rude with her words. How was what she said ineffective communication? You just don't like a woman speaking in a more direct manner. She could have been more clear and direct and still not be rude or relationship ruining. Those traits belong to bil.

You’re weird. OP mostly has a good relationship with her deceased husband’s family. This is a small hiccup in the grand scheme. What are you so angry about? Im speaking directly to you and you can’t stand it and call me a man. Bizarre. The language you are using does not match OPs language or tone at all. That’s my issue. She’s much more chill about this and not screaming that “tact isn’t working!” And “capitulating” She has barely tried and the most recent convo was with the grandmother. Maybe talk to the BiL if you’re so for direct communication.