Continue relationship with neighbor kids?

[Anonymous]

So they're okay with letting their children play with the children of two moms, but you're not okay with your kid playing with the children of two parents you are presuming to have certain beliefs based solely on a bumper stick of the school their kids are attending. Who is the bigot here, again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

You are currently just making things up based on a sticker you saw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow queer parent I get where you’re coming from (PPs: when someone is advocating for me not to have basic human rights, it’s not “intolerant” to not feel super safe around them). That being said, unless the family has actually expressed bigoted views to you, I would continue to be neighborly with them. As others say, humanizing things the church demonizes is a good way to get people out of “such and such a group isn’t really human” mindsets and moght counter any damage the school’s ideology might do to their kid. Maybe not drop off playdates though.

But OP doesn't actually know this about them. She doesn't know anything other than the school they are sending their kids to. I know a lot of non-Christian families who sent their children to Catholic schools because they perceived they were better than the public schools. Personally if I could afford it, I 100% would send my children to private school.. The Northern Virginia public schools are terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

I understand, OP. You want to feel safe, at least in your own home/on your own doorstep! Your grief is totally normal.

I'd still say to play this one by ear. You don't have enough information yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow queer parent I get where you’re coming from (PPs: when someone is advocating for me not to have basic human rights, it’s not “intolerant” to not feel super safe around them). That being said, unless the family has actually expressed bigoted views to you, I would continue to be neighborly with them. As others say, humanizing things the church demonizes is a good way to get people out of “such and such a group isn’t really human” mindsets and moght counter any damage the school’s ideology might do to their kid. Maybe not drop off playdates though.

But OP doesn't actually know this about them. She doesn't know anything other than the school they are sending their kids to. I know a lot of non-Christian families who sent their children to Catholic schools because they perceived they were better than the public schools. Personally if I could afford it, I 100% would send my children to private school.. The Northern Virginia public schools are terrible.

But the op pointed out it wasn’t a catholic school. She said it was a conservative Christian school. That seems a little different. Most of those schools require families to sign statements that they believe the same thing and write essays demonstrating it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ostracize anyone for this, and it's kind of messed up to consider distancing yourself over it, OP. And I'm an atheist who disagrees strongly with evangelical views.

For all you know, the parents picked that school because of the cost or the issues with public schools in the area (not sure what district you're in, but I'm in a district where it would be a perfectly reasonable choice to pick a religious school over public). Maybe it's because they have an affordable aftercare program, or a program for one of the kids' learning disabilities or something.

Big takeaway--mind your own business. They're not shoving a religious view on you.

[Anonymous]

This post shows the intolerance of the supposedly tolerant. Bring raised Unitarian Universalist, I’m more of an expert on that than most.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to qualify this with the fact I’m Canadian, and I really don’t think we have the same kind of deep, polarizing or polarized views of the left and right as seem to plague the US. We’ve certainly experienced more in the post-Trump convoy era, but I still don’t think that disparity between left and right (save for extremes on both sides) runs as deep here.

So, I’m going to ask : do you think your neighbours haven’t figured out you’re a two female head household? Your kids play, it’s all pleasant, and you’re going to get all undone by a magnet about a school?

We got new neighbours about a year ago. They’re recent immigrants, but they are very devout Christians as far as we can see. Walk into their house, and find bibles everywhere. They send their child to a private Christian school at great expense and time.

Our children are the same age and play beautifully together. We’ve spent many wonderful nights in our backyards sharing food, time, chatter, and watching the kids play.

They send their child to that school because they believe he should learn morals at school. I mean, you could learn them at home, but that’s not for me to say.

We’ve met many of their friends through birthday parties and events, and most of them are not what I would expect. These are not parents looking for some kind of militant Cristian experience. They want the small classes, “village” mindset, community, and say in the school experience.

So, OP, I think you need to tuck your biases away, or at least acknowledge them, because they work both ways. I don’t know any parents, anywhere, that don’t want the best for their children. It could be that their child will do better in a small, contained environment and this was the only or best option available to them.

Mostly, if you want to change the world, stop “othering” people for making choices that you might now make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, my gosh. Don't say anything to your neighbors. Let them live their life. It sounds like they still allow their kids to play with yours when they could have stopped that a long time ago.

Think about it this way: They know who you truly are -- and they still let their kids play with yours.

That is called being tolerant.

You are being incredibly intolerant here. Let the kids continue to play together. Don't act unless is becomes a real, actionable problem impact your kids.

Yes, the shoe is on the other foot here, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow queer parent I get where you’re coming from (PPs: when someone is advocating for me not to have basic human rights, it’s not “intolerant” to not feel super safe around them). That being said, unless the family has actually expressed bigoted views to you, I would continue to be neighborly with them. As others say, humanizing things the church demonizes is a good way to get people out of “such and such a group isn’t really human” mindsets and moght counter any damage the school’s ideology might do to their kid. Maybe not drop off playdates though.

But OP doesn't actually know this about them. She doesn't know anything other than the school they are sending their kids to. I know a lot of non-Christian families who sent their children to Catholic schools because they perceived they were better than the public schools. Personally if I could afford it, I 100% would send my children to private school.. The Northern Virginia public schools are terrible.

But the op pointed out it wasn’t a catholic school. She said it was a conservative Christian school. That seems a little different. Most of those schools require families to sign statements that they believe the same thing and write essays demonstrating it.

But OP is making a lot of assumptions based on a sticker. If she really wants to get down to the bottom of things, she should talk to her neighbors instead of making dangerous assumptions. They let their children play with her kids, so clearly they don't hate OP and her wife.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. I have Republican cousins and friends. We tolerate each other and make fun of each other too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes a difference it appears to be a Christian, probably evangelical, school attached to a pretty conservative church.

— op

Like Handmaiden conservative?

That’s be a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

If I knew you in real life and you actually said this out loud, I would start laughing and tell you to cut the drama

and then to take a serious look at your local public school pyramid.

You’re kids will be far more harmed from dramatics like this.

[Anonymous]

We are a Christian family and my kid goes to a private Christian school. I don’t care what you do or who you love. Seriously. I am not judging. I have plenty of my own mishaps.
Are you kind and nice? Great, we can get along and so can our kids.

So please stop judging me and others based on a sticker.

[Anonymous]

A two-mom neighboring family sends their son to a conservative private religious school. There are probably conflicts between the school's explicit and implicit values/culture and the life the son lives at home. Weird, but it is their choice and I don't make any assumptions about them because I just don't know them well and we are only casually acquainted. I strongly believe in not prying into people's personal business and not assuming you know everything about a person based on a few observations. OP is the one who needs to change her mindset and become more tolerant of the variety of life.