Continue relationship with neighbor kids?

[Anonymous]

We (partner and son) live in a row home and share a porch with a family with 2 kids in close in NoVa. Generally friendly and say hello and act neighborly. Kids play out front sometimes together. Not super close but never an issue.

Earlier this week they put a magnet on their car with the name of a private school their rising kindergartener will be attending. I googled it and was shocked to learn it’s incredibly conservative (“traditional” family values, Bible every day).

As a woman married to a woman I am shocked and concerned what they think/ say about my family. Should I not let my kid play with theirs anymore? Should I say something? I feel sick to my stomach about this now knowing who they truly are.

[Anonymous]

Well, the kids are kids. They don't conservative. If this makes you think their parents are judging you, you also can't know that. I would assume they like the idea of a structured, disciplined school or something like that, and not that they 100% embrace all the hoo-hah. FWIW, I'm a Catholic, but I'm pro birth control, pro gay marriage, and pro choice. My kids went to a small Catholic grade school.

[Anonymous]

Oh, my gosh. Don't say anything to your neighbors. Let them live their life. It sounds like they still allow their kids to play with yours when they could have stopped that a long time ago.

Think about it this way: They know who you truly are -- and they still let their kids play with yours.

That is called being tolerant.

You are being incredibly intolerant here. Let the kids continue to play together. Don't act unless is becomes a real, actionable problem impact your kids.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a hard one. I think I would let the kids continue to play for now until they actually do/say something that is a big values conflict.

[Anonymous]

MYOB. Maybe they like the academic or discipline side of things. Most Catholic schools, for example, have lots of students who are not even Christian because their families consider the other factors worth the trade-off. You're just looking to be offended so you can wallow in victimhood.

[Anonymous]

If it makes a difference it appears to be a Christian, probably evangelical, school attached to a pretty conservative church.

— op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a hard one. I think I would let the kids continue to play for now until they actually do/say something that is a big values conflict.

Yeah, I'd let the kids keep playing unless there is an actual problem.

[Anonymous]

I think it's your call, OP. Where I live there's a very conservative Christian school that is actively anti-LGBTQ (they make all the parents sign a morality clause that specifically prohibits LGBTQ relationships). If it were something explicitly stated like that, then I would probably cut off the relationship to protect your kids. But if it's just some vague thing about teaching family values then I would want more information before making a decision.

As for what they say about your family, who knows. But I would like to think that you are creating some cognitive dissonance for them . . . it's easy to say you're against gay marriage when you don't know any gay people. And believe me, their kids will see through their bigotry . . . our church says this is wrong but our friends' parents are just like our family?

[Anonymous]

I am a gay woman who’s child goes to a conservative Christian evangelical school. We are Christian but very liberal. She goes to this school because it’s better than the current local public, the hours work for our schedules, and it’s affordable. My child has made friends and so have I. I don’t love the Church views on my marriage but the school itself has been welcoming and supportive. Don’t judge your neighbors for choosing the school they chose..

[Anonymous]

I’m the above PP, wanted to add. If they are conservative seeing your family as a family may change their mind by your interactions with them. If you cut them off they won’t see you for who you are. I work in LE with generally more conservative people. Two people have told me their views on gay marriage have changed after seeing how my wife and I raise our child. That’s a win for me..

[Anonymous]

Don’t judge. If they treat you and your kids well that’s what matters. It’s not like your kids are sleeping over and joining them at church.

[Anonymous]

I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

you don’t know they feel this way. You are being extremely judgmental for no reason, they clearly like you as neighbors and let their kids play with yours. Be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

If I knew you in real life and you actually said this out loud, I would start laughing and tell you to cut the drama

and then to take a serious look at your local public school pyramid.

[Anonymous]

Really? A car magnet has sent you off the rails?