“Beach House” Early

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful what you wish for …….. Once you start staying with them, there is no out! Let them plan and then get your hotel room nearby maybe for two nights. Spend all day and meals with them and then return to your peaceful hotel and relax. It is a win win situation. Leave it as is.

Do this. Times 1,000. I would go a bit further though and DH would tell them clearly, now, in advance, "We're looking forward to the beach. We'll be at Hotel X as usual, wanted to be sure we were clear on that.

No way would we stay in the house either, OP. Just so much more relaxing to have your own space, sense of more safety, and to not have to be "on" every second, worried about the cousin. worried about family drama if you mention the concerns, etc. I would nip the whole "But we made sure we got a house with room for you" stuff by saying this year in advance, "We'll be there at Hotel as usual."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you pay for the room they get for you but don’t use? If they accommodate you you’ll need to pay.

No, we don’t pay. My SIL doesn’t either. There is not a financial problem.

Then no, you don’t need to be involved in the selection of the house. Just graciously decline and stay in a hotel, and say thank you for their generous offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the note about your nephew, I wouldn't even bring up the discussion. I would continue to stay elsewhere and visit on your terms.

That said, it isn't a parenting issue. Sounds like a mental health issue that really has no solution and I'd just be thankful to not have to live with that.

I think this is right. Any good suggestions how to ask them to stop doing the “but we got you a room!” act?

Why do you care? It’s the truth, but it’s also ok to decline anyway. Just say no thank you and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the note about your nephew, I wouldn't even bring up the discussion. I would continue to stay elsewhere and visit on your terms.

That said, it isn't a parenting issue. Sounds like a mental health issue that really has no solution and I'd just be thankful to not have to live with that.

I think this is right. Any good suggestions how to ask them to stop doing the “but we got you a room!” act?

Why do you care? It’s the truth, but it’s also ok to decline anyway. Just say no thank you and move on.

I care because my oldest will be four this year. They are now old enough to understand and say “oh but we have a room here with cousins/Granny and Grandpa!” and I do not want to explain to a four year old that their ten year old cousin— whom they naturally idolize— isn’t necessarily a safe person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the note about your nephew, I wouldn't even bring up the discussion. I would continue to stay elsewhere and visit on your terms.

That said, it isn't a parenting issue. Sounds like a mental health issue that really has no solution and I'd just be thankful to not have to live with that.

I think this is right. Any good suggestions how to ask them to stop doing the “but we got you a room!” act?

Why do you care? It’s the truth, but it’s also ok to decline anyway. Just say no thank you and move on.

I care because my oldest will be four this year. They are now old enough to understand and say “oh but we have a room here with cousins/Granny and Grandpa!” and I do not want to explain to a four year old that their ten year old cousin— whom they naturally idolize— isn’t necessarily a safe person.

They did get you a room. They are telling the truth. Your choice to decline is your own personal reason but caring that they make a truthful statement is a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t the grandparents’ responsibility to handle how you speak to your children about why you aren’t choosing to stay in the beach house.

[Anonymous]

This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the note about your nephew, I wouldn't even bring up the discussion. I would continue to stay elsewhere and visit on your terms.

That said, it isn't a parenting issue. Sounds like a mental health issue that really has no solution and I'd just be thankful to not have to live with that.

I think this is right. Any good suggestions how to ask them to stop doing the “but we got you a room!” act?

Why do you care? It’s the truth, but it’s also ok to decline anyway. Just say no thank you and move on.

I care because my oldest will be four this year. They are now old enough to understand and say “oh but we have a room here with cousins/Granny and Grandpa!” and I do not want to explain to a four year old that their ten year old cousin— whom they naturally idolize— isn’t necessarily a safe person.

Just tell your kid that your family always gets a hotel room. And stop worrying about the in-laws wanting to say “we got you a room.” You are spending too much energy thinking about this. You already have a plan that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something.

NO. Don’t do this. It’s obvious from OP’s post that the child is medicated and in therapy, and OP and her husband have no standing to get involved in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to be with SIL why are you pretending it’s about the rooms?

We would stay with them if the rooms were suitable. The difficulty is that explaining we don’t want our nephew unsupervised with our kids would kick off a huge and unnecessary family drama— we don’t care if he’s medicated/in therapy/doing sports, we aren’t risking our kids safety and it’s not up for discussion.

So the entire family has to play let's pretend the nephew doesn't have a serious impulse contol or behavioral issue which makes him a serious safety threat to other children in the family unless under close adult supervision.

Because why, OP? Why sweep it under the rug? Will your family get cut out of grandpa and grandma's Wills simply for wanting to protect your children from a violent dysfunctional child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would they ask your opinion when you made it clear you want to make your own accommodations.

They make their own accommodations for safety reasons.

iPhone please. If OP cared about family as much as she cares about “safety” she’d pick the next accommodation or plan a family trip herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something.

NO. Don’t do this. It’s obvious from OP’s post that the child is medicated and in therapy, and OP and her husband have no standing to get involved in this situation.

On the contrary. Exposing your child to a known source of violent injury, even from another child, is itself child abuse or neglect.

OP has not only the right but the parental and legal obligation to properly address the threat. That starts with the obligation to identify and communicate clearly and.directly about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the note about your nephew, I wouldn't even bring up the discussion. I would continue to stay elsewhere and visit on your terms.

That said, it isn't a parenting issue. Sounds like a mental health issue that really has no solution and I'd just be thankful to not have to live with that.

I think this is right. Any good suggestions how to ask them to stop doing the “but we got you a room!” act?

Why do you care? It’s the truth, but it’s also ok to decline anyway. Just say no thank you and move on.

I care because my oldest will be four this year. They are now old enough to understand and say “oh but we have a room here with cousins/Granny and Grandpa!” and I do not want to explain to a four year old that their ten year old cousin— whom they naturally idolize— isn’t necessarily a safe person.

But you have to. Your prime obligation as a parent is to protect your child from known threats of serious physical injury. You teach your child not to play with sharp knives or a hot stove. Not to play in traffic. This is no different. The cousin is a menace and the whole purpose of this enforced family vacation is to pretend that he isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something.

NO. Don’t do this. It’s obvious from OP’s post that the child is medicated and in therapy, and OP and her husband have no standing to get involved in this situation.

OP here: I would never get involved in this. My husband and father in law both think the religious-based “therapy” is quackery and are not at all convinced— though again FIL moreso blames parenting choices. None of it is my business other than keeping my kids from being the next hospitalization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something.

NO. Don’t do this. It’s obvious from OP’s post that the child is medicated and in therapy, and OP and her husband have no standing to get involved in this situation.

On the contrary. Exposing your child to a known source of violent injury, even from another child, is itself child abuse or neglect.

OP has not only the right but the parental and legal obligation to properly address the threat. That starts with the obligation to identify and communicate clearly and.directly about it.

Absolutely not and glad OP agrees. OP can choose to supervise her children around their cousin but that is not a reason to talk to the parents of a special needs child about issues OP can’t possibly understand.