Thoughts on this? Am I right to be weirded out/upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how many kids do you have and how old are they that living them becomes such a struggle? Do you have a very demanding job?

Not OP but in my case, I just don’t want to hear about the easy evenings my DH is enjoying when he’s away on business while I’m at home dealing with our kids, our house chores, and working. I just don’t need to know. I understand the resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I’m just really feeling resentful of the trip. It’s not coming at a good time logistically and I’m already stressed about it. Now I’m just irked to think it’s partially a “fun” trip for DH and I’ll be here running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’ll try and look at it differently. And you’re right, he’s done either way so what does it matter if he’s having fun, I guess.

He's going to spend all day working and then when he wants to collapse on his hotel bed to decompress before grabbing some mediocre dinner and calling you, he's going to have to go hang out with his mom. He won't be having fun.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. You will look like a crazy bad guy if you say anything.

Just be sure to take a trip and make him take care of the kids at some point!

[Anonymous]

When I clicked on this thread, this is definitely not what I expected.

OP, the title if the thread is, "Thoughts on this? Am I right to be weirded out/upset?"

Many have covered why you are wrong to be upset, so I won't belabor that. But, why would you be "weirded out?" That suggests something illicit, or uncomfortable, or inappropriate - where'd that come from?

[Anonymous]

I find it weird as he really isn't going to have time. Why not invite your MIL to visit that week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would bother me but only because of the context of previous incidents and dynamics where I get the sense that my mil is more than ok with leaving me out if it means she can get them with her son (for example on a group vacation with in laws we could not get a big enough reservation at a restaurant so mil suggested I stay at house and they go. FIL protested it was strange, but she said it was find. I was too naive and people pleasing to say anything and DH was mindless letting his mom take care of everything. This has all since changed and DH sees now and I say NO when mil is doing crap like this).

In and of itself I 100% don’t think there is an issue with it and it is actually sweet. If it is bothering you it is probably because it is triggering a deeper issue.

In our family, we would have said fine and my husband and I go somewhere else. Your husband should have agreed, and you invite your FIL with you.

[Anonymous]

You should be thankful! He’s going to have his mom hanging out with him and wanting to have meals and sight see during his conference - like being a teenager on a college visit.

When my husband goes to conferences, he’s up all hours drinking with his grad school friends since they are all in the same field.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather have my DH hanging out with his mother than drinking late at night with colleagues in bars far from home.

[Anonymous]

You asked us if we were “weirded out” by this. That’s an odd way to discuss an adult spending time with his mom. What else is going on that would make you ask that?

[Anonymous]

If you need extra help while he's gone, hire a babysitter, order groceries, plan ahead so you don't have to do a lot of cooking.

Try and make it a fun week with the kids -- have a PJ and Pizza night.

[Anonymous]

Any opportunity for my mother in law to have a visit without me having to participate or host is a win in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I’m just really feeling resentful of the trip. It’s not coming at a good time logistically and I’m already stressed about it. Now I’m just irked to think it’s partially a “fun” trip for DH and I’ll be here running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’ll try and look at it differently. And you’re right, he’s done either way so what does it matter if he’s having fun, I guess.

I get it. It's a drag to be the one stuck at home handling everything while someone gets to go out of town (it's for work, but come on work travel can be kind of amazing with the after-hours alone time, hotel room w maid, etc.). Adding, on top of it, that it's a vacay with your MIL, I'd be annoyed too. The problem is, it's not totally rational to be annoyed about it. So I think you have to get over it. But I empathize, and would be def annoyed. Especially if your MIL is the type who acts like DH is her boyfriend, which is sadly a common dynamic IME.

[Anonymous]

I get it too. I think it’s unnatural to have just the parent/s raise kids. Normal societies have much more support for raising kids, whether from family or state, or both. In OP’s case, it is mostly just the one parent raising the kids, with occasional help from spouse. And now he’s going away for a while, which increases an already too high stress level. Hiring $20/hr mothers helpers or sitters is too expensive for many.

I agree with the PP who suggests to do takeout—I’d order in the entire time. Also maybe allowing the kids more screentime, be more lax about schedules, take the kids outdoors somewhere and just chill out and have fun with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really sweet. I hope my sons love me enough to hang out with me when I'm old.

This was my thought as well! As the mom of an only son I hope he would want to have this sort of experience. He would be gone either way, now he gets time with his family that doesn’t take away from your core family time. Win win

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great wakeup call for you to figure out how to make your life more fun, more pleasant, and less stressful when your DH is out of town. Do you currently have a regular babysitter? It seems like the default should be that, when your DH is out on business, you get at least 2 hours of evening babysitting every day he's gone so you aren't always at wit's end.