Thoughts on this? Am I right to be weirded out/upset?

[Anonymous]

It’s strange to feel upset at this IMO. Also, as a former single parent - who single parented two under five for months on end - I find it a bit pathetic when parents complain about having to “do it all” for a few days. You’ll be alright. If it’s about fairness, book a trip for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is going to be spending time with his mother, not his mistress. Exactly what seems to be the problem here?

Exactly my thought. At least OP knows he won't be with his AP.

[Anonymous]

I think you should look at this as a wake up call. Clearly you're exhausted and not happy with things. So take some time to think about how you could improve things for yourself going forward. Hire a babysitter while DH is away so you have help? Arrange for care so you can have a few days away? Just because hes the breadwinner doesn't mean you should never get a break. Don't feel bad for having him watch his own kids.

[Anonymous]

Definitely calm down.

I just asked DH if he will extend his trip to visit his parents while he’s somewhat close by.

I get it. It’s a lot of extra effort to work FT and hold down everything at home while he’s away, but it’s family.

[Anonymous]

What is your job, OP?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to be a little jealous of work trips in general, when there are kids at home. Whether the spouse is having fun at night or just enjoying a quiet hotel room. The only time I felt resentful was when my husband would complain about his trips when my son was young. I did not resent thr trip, I resented that he did such a small share of the parenting burden that he did not realize how much sitting in an airport due a delayed trip seemed like a luxury to me. Perhaps you are actually resentful of how much he does or does not do at home.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP.

Assuming this work trip is truly necessary, I think this is a great plan. He gets to spend time with his mom, and it decreases the likelihood that he will cheat on you because he will be busy with mom.

You should definitely take a weekend for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being unfair. I think it's a lovely opportunity for your MIL to spend time with her son. Imagine your child being grown and being resented for spending time with him. Put yourself in her shoes.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon DH will be taking a business trip for a week. The trip was brought up in casual conversation during a dinner we hosted. The city in which DH’s convention will be held is a city ILs have a timeshare hotel/resort. DH just told me that his mother told him that she plans on going down and using her timeshare that week, and they can sightsee during some of his downtime. I know it shouldn’t, but it’s really irking me. Meanwhile I’ll be here holding down the fort while DH and MIL are sightseeing around the town on his “downtime”. Thoughts? Should I calm down?

Is she another mommy in love with her boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should look at this as a wake up call. Clearly you're exhausted and not happy with things. So take some time to think about how you could improve things for yourself going forward. Hire a babysitter while DH is away so you have help? Arrange for care so you can have a few days away? Just because hes the breadwinner doesn't mean you should never get a break. Don't feel bad for having him watch his own kids.

This. OP, something is not right with your current family dynamics. You say you are exhausted and the thought of being alone with your kids for a week sounds overwhelming. Are they special needs? Do you have any help? Are the logistics of getting them to/ from school/ activities hard? I adore my husband, but it was nice for him to travel some - I had a group of mom friends and we would scope out the mid-week ‘kids-eat-free” places, or hire a sitter to meet friends or do book club. If being alone with your kids for a few days is enough to put you over the edge into irrational resentment mode, I think it’s time for you to make some kind of change in your household to focus on your happiness.

[Anonymous]

You need to simplify your life, OP. It should not be so exhausting just to care for your own kids.

[Anonymous]

I do not understand why one week of travel has impacted your life to this degree. Take a look around at the people that handle their own children everyday without assistance. For example, single parents, parents of deployed spouses and spouses that travel much more frequently than this apparent one off week.

[Anonymous]

He’ll be gone either way. How nice that he gets to spend time with his mom. Your kids will grow up one day and you will still want to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should calm down. I totally relate to the oppressiveness of solo parenting while your spouse is doing work travel, but DH hanging out with MIL doesn't make your situation worse. Maybe focus on how DH can help you prep for a smooth week.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why one week of travel has impacted your life to this degree. Take a look around at the people that handle their own children everyday without assistance. For example, single parents, parents of deployed spouses and spouses that travel much more frequently than this apparent one off week.

It’s actually far from the norm for a single adult to care for small children. There’s a reason why single motherhood is considered very difficult and often leads to a severe economic impact due in large part to reduced earning capacity. It’s a very high stress situation.