How do I tell my daughter's partner to back off?

[Anonymous]

OP, look up "Gray rock" so you won't be surprised when your daughter takes that approach with you.

[Anonymous]

Huh? There is nothing wrong with 23/29.

I met DH when I was 21 and he was 27. We got married at 25 & 31. Somewhere in there we were the same ages as your daughter and her boyfriend. Still married now at 44 & 52. No issues, except that we sometimes disagree about whether the 80s or 90s produced better music. That is literally the only time it's comes up.

Now I did have a friend in college who, at age 19/20, dated a guy in his late 30s. That one WAS messed up. He had a daughter in high school, and was dating a girl that he couldn't even legally take out for a drink. But that is totally different from the 6 year age gap you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly 23 year old men are pretty immature. What’s the real reason you don’t like him, OP?

My serious-natured 23 YO DD would agree. I can tell from her stories that she gravitates to the 26-30 YO men (and women too) that she works with. They've matured much more. Her college guy friends are still sorting themselves and their "social presence" out. She loves to hang out with them, but their thinking is not there yet compared to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 23-year-old daughter has been dating this man for a month now and I just found out that he's 29. Now, I know that he's not legally doing anything wrong, but for him to date a woman that much younger than him is still pretty gross, and he should know better. By the time I was 29, 23 already seemed very juvenile to me, and I wouldn't have even dared to considered dating someone so young.

Now, I already know what you're going to say; that most women his age are already married, so he has no choice but to date substantially younger women. To that I just have to say that that's kind of his own fault. If getting married was so important to him, he should've started looking for potential spouses in his early 20s. That said, single women his age do exist, and he can find them using online dating apps.

What?! My father was 33 when he and my mother got married and she was 20! This means he was dating her when she was 19--barely of age. I guess you would have had him jailed.

Why don't you tell your daughter's boyfriend to back off and don't be surprised when your daughter tells you where to go?

You are crazy

DP. I would have a problem with a 33 year old dating my 19 year old.

[Anonymous]

They've only been dating a month. Keep your ears open and keep an eye on him - he might be a nice guy or he might be a creep, but even though the age difference would prick my antennae too, it's not enough to declare him terrible on that alone. It's a gap, but not disqualifying - they're both in the same stage of life, give or take (post-college, not really established yet).

The PP defending a 33 year old dating a 19 year old is nuts, but categorically assigning a predator label to a 29 year old dating a 23 year old is nuts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll!! My mother encouraged me to date older guys when I was early 20s because she thought they'd have more money and be more ready to commit. I wasted time with guys my own age.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a nightmare. I see very little communication between you and your daughter in the future.

That might be true for the time being. But when she's older and more mature, she'll look back and realize that she was a victim of this relationship; sort of like Karen Allen in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

If you view your 23 yo daughter as a victim in this situation, you have done a crappy job as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely have a problem with a 33 year old dating my 19 year old, but I have no problem with 29 and 23. She's a full-fledged grown up and six years is hardly anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't tell him anything; who the hell do you think you are? They are two adults who can do what they want. And also, I see nothing wrong with their age difference. They are both young adults.

Yes, my daughter is legally an adult. But what you have to understand is that 23 today is what 14 was when I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

I think this comes down to maturity level. If you feel your daughter is still naive, I can understand your concern. Age gaps are more acceptable the older we get as life experiences level out. So I understand your concern OP. At the same time, she is grown and there is Nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't tell him anything; who the hell do you think you are? They are two adults who can do what they want. And also, I see nothing wrong with their age difference. They are both young adults.

Yes, my daughter is legally an adult. But what you have to understand is that 23 today is what 14 was when I was growing up.

It really isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't tell him anything; who the hell do you think you are? They are two adults who can do what they want. And also, I see nothing wrong with their age difference. They are both young adults.

Yes, my daughter is legally an adult. But what you have to understand is that 23 today is what 14 was when I was growing up.

Cool. That's irrelevant. You raised your daughter. Sit down and trust your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't tell him anything; who the hell do you think you are? They are two adults who can do what they want. And also, I see nothing wrong with their age difference. They are both young adults.

Yes, my daughter is legally an adult. But what you have to understand is that 23 today is what 14 was when I was growing up.

My guess is that is largely because you keep treating her like she is 14. Time for you to let her be the adult that she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound insane (sorry)

I agree. The only person here with an issue is op.

[Anonymous]

This can’t be real. Next!