How do I tell my daughter's partner to back off?

[Anonymous]

Honestly 23 year old men are pretty immature. What’s the real reason you don’t like him, OP?

[Anonymous]

My younger sister met her husband when she was visiting colleges as a HS senior. He was a fifth year. They’ve been happily married for more than 20 years. They got involved shortly after she got to college.

It’s not your place to label this “pretty gross” based on the age difference alone. Why are you stating she’s the victim in this relationship? Is that also based on age alone?

I’d be more interested in whether he’s kind and respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 23-year-old daughter has been dating this man for a month now and I just found out that he's 29. Now, I know that he's not legally doing anything wrong, but for him to date a woman that much younger than him is still pretty gross, and he should know better. By the time I was 29, 23 already seemed very juvenile to me, and I wouldn't have even dared to considered dating someone so young.

Now, I already know what you're going to say; that most women his age are already married, so he has no choice but to date substantially younger women. To that I just have to say that that's kind of his own fault. If getting married was so important to him, he should've started looking for potential spouses in his early 20s. That said, single women his age do exist, and he can find them using online dating apps.

What?! My father was 33 when he and my mother got married and she was 20! This means he was dating her when she was 19--barely of age. I guess you would have had him jailed.

Why don't you tell your daughter's boyfriend to back off and don't be surprised when your daughter tells you where to go?

You are crazy

Things were different in those days. Mathematically, this had to have happened before 1990. People in their early 20s were very mature back then.

Not that different!

[Anonymous]

Lol! I hope you’re not real. My husband is 8 years older than me. I guess we’re extra gross!

[Anonymous]

You’re insane, OP. My husband and I met when I was 21 and he was 29. We’ve been together for 24 years and counting. You’re the one who needs to back off.

[Anonymous]

OK OP tell us what he is doing wrong?

29 to 23 is not that big of a deal. Both are of age.

Is he pushing her to marry? Is he pushing her to do things you think are not illegal?

What exactly is the issue? Not like you have a say. Both are adults.

Is he controlling? Is he a criminal? Even if both are true again it is her decision like it or not.

[Anonymous]

I agree, it's suspect, but you have to have another reason. If he is otherwise a good person, just drop it.

[Anonymous]

23/29? That is… nothing. Normal. Zero cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

A 23 year-old is either a senior or already graduated from college. The idea that her mother has any say in who she dates is hilarious.

But, go ahead and try OP, and get back to this thread on how it goes.

[Anonymous]

You don't tell him anything; who the hell do you think you are? They are two adults who can do what they want. And also, I see nothing wrong with their age difference. They are both young adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 23-year-old daughter has been dating this man for a month now and I just found out that he's 29. Now, I know that he's not legally doing anything wrong, but for him to date a woman that much younger than him is still pretty gross, and he should know better. By the time I was 29, 23 already seemed very juvenile to me, and I wouldn't have even dared to considered dating someone so young.

Now, I already know what you're going to say; that most women his age are already married, so he has no choice but to date substantially younger women. To that I just have to say that that's kind of his own fault. If getting married was so important to him, he should've started looking for potential spouses in his early 20s. That said, single women his age do exist, and he can find them using online dating apps.

What?! My father was 33 when he and my mother got married and she was 20! This means he was dating her when she was 19--barely of age. I guess you would have had him jailed.

Why don't you tell your daughter's boyfriend to back off and don't be surprised when your daughter tells you where to go?

You are crazy

Things were different in those days. Mathematically, this had to have happened before 1990. People in their early 20s were very mature back then.

Bull! There was 12 years difference between me and my sister and at age 16 I was mature enough that I took care of her 10-month old daughter for her when she went to NY for a weekend with BIL. My children were also mature at 16. I guess it depends on how you are brought up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a nightmare. I see very little communication between you and your daughter in the future.

That might be true for the time being. But when she's older and more mature, she'll look back and realize that she was a victim of this relationship; sort of like Karen Allen in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

What exactly about dating a guy who is 29 makes your 23 daughter a victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol! I hope you’re not real. My husband is 8 years older than me. I guess we’re extra gross!

Yeah, but If you're from here chances are you met your husband when you were 40 and he was 48.

[Anonymous]

One year less but my 23 year old sister dated a 28 year old guy and 18 years later they are happily married with two kids. My sister was happy to meet a guy who was ready for a real relationship when other guys were playing the field in their early 20s. It worked for them.

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is an adult. She's dating another adult who is only six years older. That hardly makes him a predator. That's not really an uncommon age difference. Maybe she likes that he's more mature and stable than guys closer to her age. My dad is six years older than my mom. My spouse is ten years older than me. I know lots of people with age gaps in that range. It's really not a big deal.