Nephew thinks our house is an Airbnb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

No airport or any other transport, have them put clean sheets and towels in the bed/bath when they are ready to leave plus vacuum. Take out any bathroom/bedroom trash. Wash the dirty stuff and you do the dryer. No food stocking.

15-30 fast moving minutes of clean up versus paying for hotels a few nights a month? They'll cooperate.

[Anonymous]

Whose kid is this? Your DH should speak with his sibling and get some manners going from the adult child's parent.

[Anonymous]

If your nephew is not demanding 5-star treatment then how is it a problem to host him? He should be treated like a member of the family.

Make your normal food, do normal amount of cleaning, show him around the kitchen so he can help himself, ask him to take a uber to your place.

I think the problem is you, OP.

[Anonymous]

There is no special connection between husband and nephew as he didn't grew up near us and between husband and I, we have about two dozen nieces and nephews. Obviously we have our own kids who visit four times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no special connection between husband and nephew as he didn't grew up near us and between husband and I, we have about two dozen nieces and nephews. Obviously we have our own kids who visit four times a year.

A couple of people asked you whether or not he is asking if he can visit or he is telling you he is coming for a visit?

[Anonymous]

I don't think he wants to take advantage of us but it saves him money to have a free place here to live and eat.

[Anonymous]

Stop treating them so much like guests. Have them help with the cleaning and the laundry and the shopping. Little shifts like "oh I haven't made up the bed yet, could you put the sheets on?" when they arrive. Stop cleaning the bathroom to be spotless before they get there. Ask for a grocery run and some help cooking dinner. Either it will make the visits less like an imposition or he will not like it and stop coming. Either way seems like a win. Especially if you enjoy his company.

[Anonymous]

Also when he says he's coming to town say "oh sorry, the guest room is booked this weekend" and move on. It can be booked with JUST YOU, no need to elaborate.

[Anonymous]

I think i feels worst when i clean bathroom after they leave, they aren't slobs but still its not something we like to do. Husband is too kind to all and scared of backlash from his sister.

[Anonymous]

Husband would clean himself but cleaning is not his strong point. I'll have to clean afterwards as we use that hall bath too and when kids come they use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband would clean himself but cleaning is not his strong point. I'll have to clean afterwards as we use that hall bath too and when kids come they use it.

Put a tub of clorox wipes in there and ask nephew to wipe up before he leaves. Put some shower spray in there too and do that same. Direct him to the washing machine to start his linens before he leaves for the day.

I think having a good relationship with the younger generation is a great thing. I'd cultivate this. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband would clean himself but cleaning is not his strong point. I'll have to clean afterwards as we use that hall bath too and when kids come they use it.

Husband takes on all responsibility. Prepares the room, buys groceries, picks them up/drops them off, cleans up afterwards.

If he does a bad job cleaning, march him back into the bathroom, point out what he missed, make him do it again.

You do absolutely nothing. NOTHING. I have never helped my H prepare our home for when his family visits.

[Anonymous]

Does the nephew come into town for work? If so he may be pocketing the per diem he’s getting paid by his employer because he’s staying and eating with you for free.

I have no judgment here on that bc I don’t know if this is true and if it is what his job is and if he’s paid much. I used to allow a friend to crash with us frequently for his job because he got paid at the poverty line and he needed every single penny.

There is much missing from the story to understand what’s going on. On face it sounds like he’s coming too often for free and leaving a mess. Is he? Is if for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also when he says he's coming to town say "oh sorry, the guest room is booked this weekend" and move on. It can be booked with JUST YOU, no need to elaborate.

This is eminently reasonable. I think it would be a courtesy to give them a heads-up the next time you are in casual conversation (even if that is at the next lodging request/discussion) with something like "by the way, we are going to be using the guest bedroom more frequently/for other things/considering converting it into another space, so it's not going to be as readily available. Just wanted to give you time to make plans."

I mean, in some sense that's a little rude, but it's degrees of magnitude away from what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

I would start treating them less like a guest and having them chip in. They can uber from the airport, buy food if they want to eat at the house and put their sheets in the wash before they leave or atleast make their bed until next time.

Are they the only ones to use the guest bathroom? Do you really have to do a thorough clean after each visit if so?