Nephew thinks our house is an Airbnb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say about it?

He should talk to nephew directly and limit visits to twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

Ok so they are freeloaders. Tell your husband you're fed up with his freeloading relatives and it stops now. Grow a spine. If he insists they stay with you, do nothing for them. Your husband can scrub the toilets, go shopping, do their laundry, take them to the airport, but you're not participating. You either stand up to these very selfish people or ,you'll be doing this the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Turn guest bedroom into workout room/ sewing room/ whatever room. Make sure there are no extra beds or couches that fold out. We eventually had to do this because of a BIL who thought the same thing.

[Anonymous]

If it is the work you mind, stop doing it. They can get clean sheets and towels out of the linen cabinet. They can make their own meals. They can get themselves to and from the airport. You can show them how to do the laundry. They are coming pretty often so I would stop treating them as guests and more as family. Give them to do lists of things they can help you with.

If it is that you don't want people in your house so often - then you need to tell them the next time they plan to come that unfortunately it doesn't work for you. You don't need to give a long explanation. Say you are tired and just not up for hosting for the time being.

[Anonymous]

He is family. You do not have to pick him up or leave him at the airport.

However, the meals can be simple meals. Are you not cleaning your house anyways? I am not seeing why you have to clean anything especially for your nephew? How much is he adding to your workload?

[Anonymous]

Your nephew is not thinking that your house is an AirBnB. If he thought it was an AirBnB, he would have been doing his own groceries and cooking.

I think you need to make simple meals. Sandwiches and soups etc. What about Taco Bell?

[Anonymous]

Does this nephew ASK if he can visit, or does he TELL you he will be visiting?

If he asks and you say yes, it's on you. Say no. You don't have to give him any reason other than "I'm sorry that won't work for us, but we'd love to meet for dinner."

If he just tells you when he's arriving, your DH needs to call him back and say the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Stop doing airport runs and being so available. My feeling is people are free to come to our home, but we don't drop everything for them. Keep on with your life. If let them stay but not change everything for them.

[Anonymous]

OP Serious question,

Does your husband deeply enjoy having his nephew around? As you stated that you are both getting older, maybe this brings your husband a certain level of joy? Is there a touch of resentment/jealousy with the connection your husband and nephew have? Do you enjoy the step-niece at all?

We can always get more help around the house (outsourcing, etc) to alleviate the task/financial/socialization burden, however...

Are there other concerns/insecurities that may run deeper than what you are telling us?

Tread carefully with trying to limit your husbands joy, if he finds joy in this relationship. A clean empty room can be lonely in later years if you find that your husband (or you) need additional help yourselves.

Sometimes as we age we grow resentful of the young, as they remind us of unfinished or unactualized hopes and dreams for ourselves.

Therapy helps.

[Anonymous]

Stop hosting-hosting. Put a set of sheets on top of the stripped bed, and ask them to strip the bed and start the washing before they leave. Don’t stock the fridge/pantry beyond what you normally have around. If they mention dinner, ask what they’re planning to make or order. Don’t set up coffee the night before, just make it when you get up. If they happen to get up first and seem to have waited for you to make coffee, tell them it’s a standard drip and they should feel free to make a pot.

Don’t pick up or clean more than you normally would. Don’t drop any plans. Basically just stop acting like them staying over is An Event. Ask them to clean the guest bath before they leave.

They’ll either get the hint and stop visiting so frequently, or they’ll get the hint that the pony ride is over and they are no longer being fully treated as guests. They can do the heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can ask to leave towels and sheets in washer but can't ask to to clean bathroom or mop the room etc which bothers me the most, neither can i ask to cover extra expenses.

Why can’t you ask them to mop and do laundry and cover extra expenses? Sounds like they’re adults and you’re retired so they should be going out of their way not to be an imposition. Just start assigning the nephew chores when he comes to visit. Or say no if you don’t like his company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is the work you mind, stop doing it. They can get clean sheets and towels out of the linen cabinet. They can make their own meals. They can get themselves to and from the airport. You can show them how to do the laundry. They are coming pretty often so I would stop treating them as guests and more as family. Give them to do lists of things they can help you with.

If it is that you don't want people in your house so often - then you need to tell them the next time they plan to come that unfortunately it doesn't work for you. You don't need to give a long explanation. Say you are tired and just not up for hosting for the time being.

+1

[Anonymous]

If nephew thinks this is an AirBnB, give him a list of check out items. 1) remove sheets from bed and wash/dry, 2) take out trash, 3) wash used bath towels and bath mat, 4), vacuum bedroom, 5) clean bathroom, 6) and so on.

Two can play at this game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop hosting-hosting. Put a set of sheets on top of the stripped bed, and ask them to strip the bed and start the washing before they leave. Don’t stock the fridge/pantry beyond what you normally have around. If they mention dinner, ask what they’re planning to make or order. Don’t set up coffee the night before, just make it when you get up. If they happen to get up first and seem to have waited for you to make coffee, tell them it’s a standard drip and they should feel free to make a pot.

Don’t pick up or clean more than you normally would. Don’t drop any plans. Basically just stop acting like them staying over is An Event. Ask them to clean the guest bath before they leave.

They’ll either get the hint and stop visiting so frequently, or they’ll get the hint that the pony ride is over and they are no longer being fully treated as guests. They can do the heavy lifting.

+1

Absolutely this. They can start doing the heavy lifting. Stop thinking of them as regular guests and stop “hosting-hosting”. And if they’re around and you need help doing some chores around the house start asking them to help out.

[Anonymous]

^. I didn’t finish my thought.

You can tell them it’s not a good weekend for them to visit too. We need to establish boundaries. Are they asking you or are they telling you they are arriving?

Tell them to Uber to your house and stop facilitating the visits.