Nephew thinks our house is an Airbnb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

Is it that you can’t read, or that you just refuse to accept or even consider any advice? You can still let them stay at your home for Christmas or whatever, but you don’t have to make any beds, clean any bathrooms, stock any fridges, make any meals, give any rides, or make any pots of coffee. Either DH can do the work of Officially Hosting them, or they can drop the expectations that they are Official Guests and take care of putting clean sheets on their own beds and cleaning the guest bath before they leave.

Now stop. We’re done here. You clearly don’t want advice, and won’t be taking any. So stop wasting our time.

[Anonymous]

Just ask them to uber to your house. For cleaning, you should clean room regardless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

Counting other people’s money is not a good quality.

You have three options: continue as is, allow them to continue visiting with the advice that’s been given over and over in this thread, or use your words and say no. Stop dithering over it.

[Anonymous]

They get bored so you feel obligated to host them every month? Is this for real?

Seriously, grow a spine. You're not responsible for their entertainment and happiness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

Can anyone spot the false dichotomy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

Can anyone spot the false dichotomy?

Its a real problem with most family situations, either oblige or feel bad or get labeled as rude for saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They get bored so you feel obligated to host them every month? Is this for real?

Seriously, grow a spine. You're not responsible for their entertainment and happiness!

+1

[Anonymous]

He will piss on you if you let him.

[Anonymous]

Just because someone is selfish, doesn't mean they are evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

Can anyone spot the false dichotomy?

Its a real problem with most family situations, either oblige or feel bad or get labeled as rude for saying no.

NP. It’s…rude to label people as rude for setting perfectly reasonable boundaries. If Aunt Gladys thinks I’m rude for doing so, then too bad for her and I don’t engage with consistently rude people. I don’t care to have the good opinion of rude people. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just feel awful because they mentioned it being expensive to go anywhere for Christmas because of airfare and I didn't say you can come here because they are already coming for thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do? Be stone hearted or keep hosting them all the time?

They have visited us 4 times this year, traveled to their home state twice this year, gone to Mexico once so its not like they don't have money at all, its just that they get bored often and want to travel every other weekend and buying tickets and accommodation is expensive so driving here is cheaper.

It’s not stone hearted not to offer! I get the impression you are never going to put your foot down - even gently - so why bother asking us?

If you go grow a spine, at least stop offering and then if they ask outright you can have them stay but not put yourself out. Start with having them arrange their own transportation and make up their own beds!

[Anonymous]

Care of family needs to be mutual among adults, OP. If the nephew is the kind of guy who cares about you and would not want to put you out, he will appreciate your honesty even if it means that things are no longer as convenient for him. If he is the kind of guy who wouldn't care and would only be annoyed at his inconvenience, then do you really want to spend the rest of your life as a doormat? Would that really feel better than seeing inlaw reactions to whatever changes you need to make? Like lots of others have stated, you're seeing this situation as black and white when it actually has the potential for lots of other options.

[Anonymous]

Give the nephew some chores while he’s there. Things you “need help” with - carry boxes to/from storage, trim tree branches, take something to the recycling site, etc. Let him see that he can give as well as receive during his visits.