Parent excluding my DD. Kids are friends inside of school

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP that if 4 girls play together at school and all get along, to invite 2 of them to do something with yours is mean. I have a 10yo DD and this is a hard age. There’s no need to be a jerk. OP initiate something with one of the kids yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

Read this board OP. The other 3 moms don't want to rock the boat and add your DD to the group.

In doing so, one or more of the girl group may gravitate to DD or your house, and then 1 mom and her DD are on the outs. Moms do not want to risk that. So glad moms back in the day, with small walkable elementary schools, and friends available after school, did not have to engineer everything.

It seems a stretch that OP's DD would be a threat to the status quo. Seems more like OP is not cool enough for the moms.

[Anonymous]

I tend to just include the kids from sports. It is nothing personal.

Do the other girls have something more in common than your daughter? Soccer? Scouts? Dance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

It’s totally mean. I agree with you 100 percent. I’m sorry for your daughter. Hopefully she will branch out and find other friends with less cruel parents.

[Anonymous]

I posted previously that I have a popular son. He often wants to invite 4 or 5 but I don’t want too many people in our house or on our outing. I tend to include the same 2-3 kids. Kids 4 and 5 are often not included but they are all in the same friend group at school. DS is everyone’s friend so he has multiple friends that probably consider DS a good friend. He gets invited to many play dates and parties.

I have 2 other kids and they barely get invited to anything. Their play dates are usually 1-2 kids only.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the daughter is telling the mom that OP's daughter is always trying to be friends with her. So mom deals this when she has opportunity by excluding the DD.

This would be my guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

It’s totally mean. I agree with you 100 percent. I’m sorry for your daughter. Hopefully she will branch out and find other friends with less cruel parents.

What if it’s not the mom choosing, but the daughter? What if she really just doesn’t want OP’s daughter there? What if all three girls don’t want OP’s daughter there? Why would you force it just to say it’s nice? Now the girls have a miserable play date but that doesn’t matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

Why is this one parent having to do all the inviting for events and get togethers? Is your daughter invited when the other two sets of parents host? How often are you arranging the gatherings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

The corollary is that DCUMs can’t stand for their kids to feel disappointment or any kind of social sadness, and they take this on and try to fix it. Our moms didn’t do that.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are the kids? Once they get phones, this problem will solve itself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

The corollary is that DCUMs can’t stand for their kids to feel disappointment or any kind of social sadness, and they take this on and try to fix it. Our moms didn’t do that.

Yep. Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

If not forcing my child to invite kids that they clearly don’t want there makes me mean, then call me mean all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are the kids? Once they get phones, this problem will solve itself

op here. they are 9 & 10 years old. too young for phones. but yes, I think when that comes into play things will change.

and no - our moms didn't care. and didn't that suck for you, too? it did for me. why would I want that for my child?

[Anonymous]

OP - I'd chalk it up to being likely the excluding mom doesn't like you or her kid doesn't like yours. Theres always going to be that 1. But it's just 1 kid. Invite other girls in the group to your house. Just forget that 1 mom/kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are the kids? Once they get phones, this problem will solve itself

op here. they are 9 & 10 years old. too young for phones. but yes, I think when that comes into play things will change.

and no - our moms didn't care. and didn't that suck for you, too? it did for me. why would I want that for my child?

My DD had a phone at 10 and connected with her school buddies on kids messenger.