Parent excluding my DD. Kids are friends inside of school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

You can't control the other moms or kids. You can control yourself and what you say to dd. Find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

Does the mom know they hang out?

Can you invite the four somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

It sounds like the mom doesn’t like you, the mom.

My daughter is only in kindergarten. Her closest friend is lovely but the mom is super annoying. It is painful to be around her.

I have other friends, my friends, to hang out with on weekends. I would prefer never to hang out with that other mom. Most other moms are at least neutral.

[Anonymous]

I have a very popular son. He has too many friends so I make him choose only 2-3 friends. Sometimes 4 max. There another 20 who may be your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

I don’t think it’s mean, no. Some people gravitate towards each other, some people don’t. You have no idea why these three hang out together. Maybe they live close, the parents click, the schedules work. And maybe they really don’t like you or your kid that much. This is part of life. 9 doesn’t seem too young to learn that you may not be invited to everything or accepted into every friend group. I assume you’re in your 30s/40s? You should have learned this a long time ago, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

It sounds like the mom doesn’t like you, the mom.

My daughter is only in kindergarten. Her closest friend is lovely but the mom is super annoying. It is painful to be around her.

I have other friends, my friends, to hang out with on weekends. I would prefer never to hang out with that other mom. Most other moms are at least neutral.

that may very well be. so be it. and I am trying to be diplomatic when my dd asks for a playdate on the weekend with this child from school. I say maybe another time. or I think her schedule is really full.

[Anonymous]

We've dealt with this too. It's very upsetting, I get it. I would organize your own playdate. And yes, include the daughter of the rude mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

I don’t think it’s mean, no. Some people gravitate towards each other, some people don’t. You have no idea why these three hang out together. Maybe they live close, the parents click, the schedules work. And maybe they really don’t like you or your kid that much. This is part of life. 9 doesn’t seem too young to learn that you may not be invited to everything or accepted into every friend group. I assume you’re in your 30s/40s? You should have learned this a long time ago, too.

you seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard, but either invite the girl(s) over to your house/host something, or encourage your daughter to move on. I remember being on both sides of this. There was a girl who was desperate to be my friend but I wasn't really interested; her mom was incredibly persistent and it honestly made things worse, even at age 9. I never ended up wanting to hang out with her. Of course I also had times where I was the "plan B" for a group that I wanted in with. I never really ended up in their group, but I got over it and formed a different bunch of friends. Let your daughter sort this out on her own, with your support, rather than with your direct intervention.

Good advice.

OP this is my DD's situation as well. My DD is shy and studious and doesn't talk enough to make friends easily. Her shyness and cautiousness around new people was evident so early in life that I had a second child mainly to be her built-in friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

Just because she sometimes plays with these particular girls at school doesn’t mean the mom is now obligated to make sure they get together with you/her outside of school. I’m sure they play with others at school too, not just your daughter. What people do outside of school is there own business and may have nothing to do with who they play tag with sometimes at school recess.

[Anonymous]

We're dealing with it now. My DD is friends in school with a group that is pretty tight. I'm not close at all with those moms and neither are a couple of the parents of other girls in the group. Meanwhile, there are girls outside the group whose parents make sure they get included. Fortunately, they're old enough that it's working itself out. The mom group tried to organize halloween last night excluding my DD and a couple of others; the girls texted and ditched the mom group while tricker treating and met up with the excluded kids and ended up watching a movie on our porch. Once kids get phones, parent driven groups crumble.

[Anonymous]

You have to take the initiative to make your own plans and arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

I don’t think it’s mean, no. Some people gravitate towards each other, some people don’t. You have no idea why these three hang out together. Maybe they live close, the parents click, the schedules work. And maybe they really don’t like you or your kid that much. This is part of life. 9 doesn’t seem too young to learn that you may not be invited to everything or accepted into every friend group. I assume you’re in your 30s/40s? You should have learned this a long time ago, too.

you seem nice.

It’s the truth. Has nothing to do with being nice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry this is happening. This is the age when girls can start to be really mean to one another.

It might be the mom who’s the problem, and it might be the girls. Either way, you can’t change their behavior. Can your daughter play with other girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are never going to include you. Give up and move on. Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are. You don't confront the mom.

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that? The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends.
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid.

At that age, its nice to include all the kids. I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes. We always included everyone, especially at parties. But, mean people are never going to get it.

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?

OP here. We don't expect to be invited to everything. However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground. Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids? it's mean.

Read this board OP. The other 3 moms don't want to rock the boat and add your DD to the group.

In doing so, one or more of the girl group may gravitate to DD or your house, and then 1 mom and her DD are on the outs. Moms do not want to risk that. So glad moms back in the day, with small walkable elementary schools, and friends available after school, did not have to engineer everything.