My DS is a freshman and is really happy, but I feel depressed that I limited his options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gave her a budget, she is happy at the school, and will graduate debt free.

Nothing to stress about here. Our budget was 25k per year. Both sons realized this and chose accordingly so that they too will graduate debt free.

+1000

She will graduate debt free and possibly have money for grad school. To top it off, she is HAPPY where she is attending. THat's a win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll start by saying I have lots of anxiety/depression in general, so that's playing into this feeling, but DC is at a top 50-60ish public university where she got merit. Based on what she's told us so far, she absolutely loves it there, so nothing that I'm writing has anything to do with what she has told us! I'm very happy that she's happy, but also feel depressed that I limited her options based on our financial threshold. We were always up-front with our daughter about costs, so she's not mad with us. My child had the stats for Top 15-45ish schools and applied to several, but those that accepted her offered little to no merit or offered merit but just turned out to be schools that weren't a "fit" for her (i.e., too large, too rural, wrong major, etc.) and so she rejected their offers. There were other schools that I think she likely would have gotten accepted to and perhaps preferred, but they were not known to offer merit (and we had spoken to advisors and looked at common stat data), so we didn't bother with them. We are also not first-gen, under-rep minorities, or have any hooks.

I'm basically having all these thoughts about if we should have been willing to spend $70-$80k/year, which we could have done by taking out loans and/or liquidating more assets (from a small inheritance) that we would never rebuild b/c we're not high earners. Instead, we're paying $40K/year, which will allow her to graduate without any debt and may actually leave some money for potential grad school down the road. We also have another child and want to make sure that that child has the same college opportunities. I'm struggling with the fact that my child is attending what may very well have been the best fit for her (she came from a pressure-cooker school and struggled with anxiety, so maybe being a big fish in a small pond is a good thing), but is not the highest ranked school (for whatever the rankings are worth) that she could have attended. Maybe some of that is my own ego in the way and reading all these DCUM posters driven to the top school for their child at any expense.

Any thoughts on how I can just let this go and be happy that my kid is happy? Thanks.

Are you willing to name the higher ranked schools that she turned down and her intended major and/or career path ?

Will your daughter be attending graduate school ?

Regardless, you did a wonderful job helping your daughter select a solid school without taking on crippling debt.

Why does it matter which "higher ranked" schools her daughter turned down? It seems like she largely turned them down because of fit. And even if it was for $$$, she is happy with her choice and doing well. Where you go to college is only 5% of the picture (or less), it's what you do while there and in the future. A happy thriving college student will succeed in life. Being debt free on top of that is HUGE!

[Anonymous]

OP, make a pledge to stay off DCUM for 6 months and see if you feel better. It can be toxic here! Any top 100 school will give your DD a great education and it sounds like she is happy. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Graduating debt free is a good move. She can go to a "better" grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand you. Both my spouse and I are struggling with the same dilemma.

We are self employed, so retirement, healthcare costs, possible unemployment or disability is all on us. So, we have always put a lot into retirement and savings for this reason. We also have saved for college but not $300K per child, which is what some of these expensive elite privates cost. We also have a younger child.

DC is a top student but a lot of the top private universities don't give out merit aid. So, it's going to be full pay. We make too much for financial aid.

Is the price tag for some of these private universities really worth it? We feel badly if we have to limit DC's college choices simply because of finances, but at the same time, I don't know if it's really worth raiding our savings/retirement for it.

For us, though, DC hasn't applied yet to any colleges, but the list DC put together is not cheap. We've had the money talk with DC, and I feel so badly for limiting DC's choices.

Stop with this insanity. My completely average son got into all 8 places he applied. DCUM had us worried he wasn't going to get accepted anywhere. We looked at price, then added in merit aid when offered (yes, even for an average kid). Adding in a budget helped narrow down that list tremendously. It's the height of privilege. to be able to do all of that. I won't feel one bit of sadness over any of this, only grateful and happy thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

You have issues.

And City College is like a community college. Miles away from state school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

You have issues.

And City College is like a community college. Miles away from state school

Wjat issue is it that you think she has?

[Anonymous]

Stop comparing your insides to everyone else’s outsides.

This is an anonymous forum where people can and do LIE. We didn’t look at US News rankings. My kid did horribly on standardized tests. He went to a state school because that is the only place he was accepted. He is making an incredibly comfortable salary and has almost paid off his school loans.

Not everyone here can afford nor does everyone pay for their kids college if they can afford it. He was happy and loved his experience and now loves his career!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

You have issues.

And City College is like a community college. Miles away from state school

Wjat issue is it that you think she has?

PS. Your issue is being a giant b1tch, should you wonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

Funny. I'm about 3 yrs older than you. I had the choice of one college, and graduated in a different state. Other than that, I could have written this almost verbatim! Oh, and it was my mother, not my father. Didn't see the movie, but that line is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, make a pledge to stay off DCUM for 6 months and see if you feel better. It can be toxic here! Any top 100 school will give your DD a great education and it sounds like she is happy. Win-win.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are too status conscious.

Be happy that your daughter had the self knowledge and confidence to make a decision works for her. Praise her for having made a good choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

Funny. I'm about 3 yrs older than you. I had the choice of one college, and graduated in a different state. Other than that, I could have written this almost verbatim! Oh, and it was my mother, not my father. Didn't see the movie, but that line is funny.

My co-worker that also jokes with some of the PhDs that he has one too. We have Master's degrees. He says it stands for 'public high school diploma' .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was your daughter. I was told 'in-state' only. My dad always talked about coming out without any loans and that if I went that route they'd pay for my undergrad.

I'm 52 and I do feel that I definitely could have gone to a higher 'ranked' university and when people get snooty about universities and their alma mater and ask where I went it used to rankle me a lot. A lot has to do with the fact I am much wealthier than my parents now and our neighborhood is filled with Ivies and SLAC alum and I'm even married to a guy that went to a very prestigious top 10 university because he was poor and got pell grants and all kinds of financial merit aid to do so. I was #15 out of a Fairfax County HS of ~550 in my grade, a 4-year varsity sports (and hs state champ), SCA Officer, clubs, etc., you name it.

I loved my time in college and received a great education. I did major and receive a graduate degree in STEM so when these liberal arts/lawyers start getting hoity toity about their alma mater, I can throw that out because my degree in and of itself is in an impressive field...and I have a good career. My graduate school was paid for through a teaching stipend and scholarship so my dad was right about the benefit of coming out of all of that with no student loan debt.

I love Wall Street when Gordon Gekko in Wall Street drops the line "Yeah not bad for a City College boy. I bought my way in now all these Ivy League schmucks are sucking me kneecaps" and I love that some of the people with the 'big name' degrees work for me now--I won't lie .

And, I had a helluva lot more fun at my big State University than my husband had at his pressure cooker non-party school!

You have issues.

And City College is like a community college. Miles away from state school

Wjat issue is it that you think she has?

Insecure/status conscious/general feeling of less then for no particular reason

Memorizing your high school rank and comparing your school to random peers in your 50s is odd. Acting like a state flagship is comparable to an inner city two year college is also strange.