DS doesn't want to return to college in a few weeks. What can we do??

[Anonymous]

He's having sex with a waitress.

Restaurants are notorious for heavy drinking after their shifts, too. I would be concerned if my DS wanted to stay home from college to do that.

I would talk to him and say, it's a fun way to spend the summer but you need to complete your degree. Can you ask him why he doesn't want to go back?

[Anonymous]

If he's making $300 a shift, which I believe because my daughter makes $400+ per shift, and he's working five shifts a week, and he's good at it which it sounds like he is and enjoys it which it sounds like he does, then he's likely to make $70K or more per year being a server.

If he moved out and paid rent and utilities and car payment and insurance and cell phone and food and whatever else he'd probably still have some money left to travel and could also save some.

I'm not sure why it's such a catastrophe for a kid to want to be a server for awhile. Maybe he'll go back to school next year or in a few years. It's kind of interesting to watch DCUM parents go into panic mode when their kid doesn't do what they are "supposed" to do. I think OP's DH has a healthier attitude about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Going on a family vacation is not the same as traveling the world or to destinations of his choice, and alone or with friends. Based on the way you wrote about this and other elements, I think you are lacking perspective

[Anonymous]

Its not paranoia but a reality that most drop outs never finish their degree, unless lets say they are interning at Apple or doing research at NIH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's making $300 a shift, which I believe because my daughter makes $400+ per shift, and he's working five shifts a week, and he's good at it which it sounds like he is and enjoys it which it sounds like he does, then he's likely to make $70K or more per year being a server.

If he moved out and paid rent and utilities and car payment and insurance and cell phone and food and whatever else he'd probably still have some money left to travel and could also save some.

I'm not sure why it's such a catastrophe for a kid to want to be a server for awhile. Maybe he'll go back to school next year or in a few years. It's kind of interesting to watch DCUM parents go into panic mode when their kid doesn't do what they are "supposed" to do. I think OP's DH has a healthier attitude about the whole thing.

It's a lot harder to go back to school a few years later, when he'll be older than all the other students. It's extremely likely that he's derailing his chances in life. Unless he sees himself as a manager of a restaurant some day, which I would not want to be or want for my kids. Waiting on tables is grueling physical work.

Why make fun of parents who are concerned about their DC's future?

[Anonymous]

where he could get a girl pregnant

He could become a Father in any scenario. Living in a dorm. Living at home. Living on his own. Very strange comment.

[Anonymous]

^ this could happen if he lives in a dorm. If he lives at home. If he lives on his own.

[Anonymous]

In my house, if you aren't in school you are working full time and paying your way. That means contributing toward rent, car payment, groceries, insurance, cell phone, internet, streaming services etc. OP's kid is not "mature", he has no clue what it is like to be "an adult".

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should ask him to return to college for the first semester. Hopefully, after one semester, he'll realize ....that, then it's only one more semester before it's summer again. Next summer will come soon enough.

He could work breaks. Definetly do not expect him to go on any more family vacations. That's not happening.

[Anonymous]

He absolutely should pay rent and all expenses if he takes a year off school. Charge him at least 1200 a month. Plus utilities and groceries. Pls he pays his own car, gas, insurance.

[Anonymous]

Around 13% of college dropouts go back to school in the next five years

[Anonymous]

Eliminate issues like ADHD or depression.

[Anonymous]

Op, what college and is it any fun?

[Anonymous]

I would let mine take the deferred year but then, if he didn't want to go back after that, I would quickly shift into "here's what adulthood means" and expect him to pay rent, share of bills, insurance, phone, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would say okay you need to pay rent, phone, insurance, car.

I would compromise by saying if you take 2 classes at the CC that will transfer to his program he does not need to pay rent, etc.