22 year old wants to have baby

[Anonymous]

She is adult. Let her make her own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is the boyfriend? If he is a young software engineer I say she should go ahead. They shouldn’t get married though as she will be able to get benefits if she is a single mom (as long as they don’t live together… she should use your address maybe? But some programs don’t count her as a separate adult until 23, so she needs to check).
Even if you decide not to use any benefits it’s fine too. Marriage is overrated anyway. She can file as head of household too.
The key thing is to make sure the father has earning potential. She cannot get any meaningful support from someone who can’t get a good job. But if he is a potentially high earner she is set for life even if they later separate.

If they won’t get married, she can’t really count on the fathers earning potential. I see the benefit in your plan but I have seen a lot of women crash and burn when the guy who promised to someday commit left them.

[Anonymous]

MYOB. She should really get married first, but she an adult and this is her life.

[Anonymous]

Its not only about money and insurance, its her body and her future. Its never going to be the same.

[Anonymous]

Being a single mother would wreck her chances of finding a good husband if the baby daddy breaks up with her. *That* should be the biggest concern. And of course her raising the kid in your home, as a single mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the boyfriend? If he is a young software engineer I say she should go ahead. They shouldn’t get married though as she will be able to get benefits if she is a single mom (as long as they don’t live together… she should use your address maybe? But some programs don’t count her as a separate adult until 23, so she needs to check).
Even if you decide not to use any benefits it’s fine too. Marriage is overrated anyway. She can file as head of household too.
The key thing is to make sure the father has earning potential. She cannot get any meaningful support from someone who can’t get a good job. But if he is a potentially high earner she is set for life even if they later separate.

If they won’t get married, she can’t really count on the fathers earning potential. I see the benefit in your plan but I have seen a lot of women crash and burn when the guy who promised to someday commit left them.

He is still obligated to pay child support. And if he is in a profession where it’s common to have a stable over the table job - it’s quite good money.

[Anonymous]

I would just be happy I was getting a grandkid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to cut the cord. She will make her own decisions and mistakes. Yes it sounds like a horrible idea, but it’s not your life.

I know someone raised by cut-the-cord parents and she resents it. You don’t owe your DD money. She doesn’t need you second-guess the little decisions. But if you see your DD about to make a HUGE mistake, you says something once. Just once, kindly and briefly. Then you let her make her own decisions. Your wisdom is a huge asset; why hide it from your kid?

My own MIL very rarely gives advice, and when she does, it’s often less than three sentences. Sometimes it’s only a pointed question. Her kids listen.

Examples:

How do you think your work will feel about you getting pregnant the first year you’re hired? Are part-time employees entitled to the same leave benefits as full-time employees? What homework have you done on the details?

Have you and boyfriend run a budget on how things will work financially once the baby comes? Daycare is $$$$ in your area for a newborn.

I hope you understand that I am in a phase of life when I won’t be able to help after 9 pm/ more than once a week/regularly. Since I need my sleep, you and baby will need to live somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a single mother would wreck her chances of finding a good husband if the baby daddy breaks up with her. *That* should be the biggest concern. And of course her raising the kid in your home, as a single mommy.

This is one of the misconceptions. Many women waffle around until they are 30+ and they they aren’t really marriage material. I say this as a woman before someone accuses me of being an incel lol
I myself waited too long, my potential partners all were married or divorced, so I had to settle for a man with a child.
It’s a tricky game. If her partner is a good catch she may need to put her dibs on him now.

[Anonymous]

Its risky for women waiting past 29 for first baby due to infertility and medical complications but 22 is too young. She hadn't had any time of being independent, employed and free after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just be happy I was getting a grandkid!

This is so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its risky for women waiting past 29 for first baby due to infertility and medical complications but 22 is too young. She hadn't had any time of being independent, employed and free after college.

I agree it’s not ideal but you can’t time things perfectly in life

[Anonymous]

If they love each other and want to have a baby and get married then may be its okay but they should take some premarital and prenatal counseling.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 22. But, I was married. My daughter-in-law was 24 when she had our first grandbaby. But again, they were married. I think it makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its risky for women waiting past 29 for first baby due to infertility and medical complications but 22 is too young. She hadn't had any time of being independent, employed and free after college.

I agree it’s not ideal but you can’t time things perfectly in life

You can't and may be you shouldn't.