22 year old wants to have baby

[Anonymous]

Being a young mom is great in many ways. Consider that you might be wrong and she might be the one who is right. Neither way is without trade offs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22 year old graduated back in May, and now she wants to have a baby with her boyfriend. She was hired as a full time pre-school teacher but I think she should wait a few years before having a baby. How can I tell her to wait? I am worried that the Principal and parents will not be very happy with her if she on leave the first year she starts working.

You can’t. She’s been an adult for FOUR years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord. At the very least, she should work long enough to save up a nest egg before starting a family. Will she even get maternity leave if she’s worked there for less than a year? Has she thought about how she’ll deal with it if she ends up with multiples or a special needs child? Parenting isn’t all heart bursting joy; there are plenty of days that are a long, hard slog. It makes me sad to think about someone becoming a parent way before most of their friends, before enjoying things like child free travel, and then having their friends unable to do fun things later, when the friends start having kids.

Who died and made you Queen?

[Anonymous]

Not married? Doing this on purpose at 22? She's scum.

[Anonymous]

Horrible idea. And then when the BF says, okay, playing house isn't fun anymore, see you later, she'll be okay with that? You'll be okay with that? You may end up raising the kid if your idiot of a 22 DD feels the same way. Just NO. No. NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Horrible idea. And then when the BF says, okay, playing house isn't fun anymore, see you later, she'll be okay with that? You'll be okay with that? You may end up raising the kid if your idiot of a 22 DD feels the same way. Just NO. No. NO.

It doesn’t matter if OP is OK with that. This is her daughter‘s life. Yes as parents we guide, but we cannot prevent. If at 22, OP is still telling her daughter what to do, she has bigger problems!

[Anonymous]

Why don't they get married if they want to start a family?

[Anonymous]

OP - If you can do so in a calm manner, I would ask her if she and BF have discussed the simple plain issues of what this baby will mean:

- Does she have health insurance covering pregnancy other than being on your policy?

- Whose policy will be able to add the baby?

- How many weeks can she afford to be off with a new baby?

- How will they handle childcare? I hope you have a job and can be clear on what you will or will not do! What is outlook of BF’s parents as this woukd tell you a lot,

- Will the two of them be able to handle their basic living expenses with a new baby? Is BF a in college, grad school or has a solid career or more just a job?

I would rather sit the couple down and hear out both their plans and ideas on starting a family AND at least know you also had a chance to share important basic facts of life without any personal judgement of married or not. You are trying to protect a poor outcome for the three of them. But know, too, you may not be heard and then you will need to back off and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

You need to lay down the pros and cons of having a kid in her situation. Make sure she knows whether she has help from her boyfriend and/or you regarding financial and babysit.

Then, let she makes her own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is approach it from an economic standpoint. It really doesn’t sound like she can afford it. Have you priced diapers and formula lately? Might be time for a baby economics class.

In the worst case scenario she can get on WIC and get these and other things for free

[Anonymous]

This is a horrible idea. In all likelihood, she has found out or heavily suspects that her BF is cheating (or she is feeling insecure in the relationship for some reason) and she is trying to lock him down.

Talk to her and figure out what she is thinking.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 23. We earn a net 5k. But I was married.

[Anonymous]

500k

[Anonymous]

Good for her

[Anonymous]

Who is the boyfriend? If he is a young software engineer I say she should go ahead. They shouldn’t get married though as she will be able to get benefits if she is a single mom (as long as they don’t live together… she should use your address maybe? But some programs don’t count her as a separate adult until 23, so she needs to check).
Even if you decide not to use any benefits it’s fine too. Marriage is overrated anyway. She can file as head of household too.
The key thing is to make sure the father has earning potential. She cannot get any meaningful support from someone who can’t get a good job. But if he is a potentially high earner she is set for life even if they later separate.