22 year old wants to have baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 22. But, I was married. My daughter-in-law was 24 when she had our first grandbaby. But again, they were married. I think it makes a huge difference.

It does. Society doesn't judge as harsh when you are young with a child(ren) but married.

[Anonymous]

So much to unpack here.

#1: are her and bf committed for life? I don't care that much about marriage, but playing house and sharing a child FOREVER are 2 different things. You can break up, but the kid always has 2 parents and he is one of them. I'd focus here. If they aren't ready to get married, or whatever equivalent commitment is, they are NOT ready for a child. It's not just a baby, it will be a CHILD.

#2: how much per hour does she make? Does she know how much diapers cost? Compare those 2 things. Then add in formula.

[Anonymous]

I've been telling my kids since they were young that their brain doesn't finish developing until 24 or 25, so not to make any decisions they can't take back, before then. So obviously they know not to procreate before then.

OP, the issue isn't what her colleagues would think. The issue is, does she have the maturity to be a parent at 22? Answer: nope. Does she have the money to support a child? If she's working, who will care for the baby during the day? She has money for daycare or a nanny? Doubt it. She's obviously entry level if she just graduated and people in her field famously don't make much anyway. So will she be able to afford to raise a baby how she wants it raised? Doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you sure you’re not being over dramatic? When I was 24 I started to notice a biological urge to have a baby. I didn’t actually have one until I was 27, but I did start to settle my life down and get ready. (And no that doesn’t mean I had a nest egg; all my prime earning years were ahead of me and my prime fertility years were upon me and I wasn’t so silly as to think I should have the horse drive the cart backwards!)

+1 I knew I wanted a baby at the age of 21. I actually had my first baby at the age of 31, after I had managed to sort my finances and living situation and all to be ready to do so. It was just something in the background of all the decisions I made in my 20s -- that I wanted to have kids so I avoided decisions that would have made that wholly impossible.

[Anonymous]

Oh she will learn quickly how hard children are if she's a preschool teacher!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remind her that if she's on leave the first year, that will likely be entirely unpaid. FMLA doesn't kick in until an employee has been at a place for a year -- and that's assuming the school has enough employees to qualify for FMLA rules.

Remind her that her students seem especially precious because she sees them for a handful of hours a day, with co-teacher backup, then goes home to a quiet, adult-oriented house. She is not in charge of dinner, bath, getting dressed or waking up at 6 am on a Saturday.

As a preschool teacher, the daughter of the OP spends far more time with the kids in her classroom than their own parents. She's doing way more hard work and parenting than the parents who drop kids off at 8am and pick them up at 5 or 6.

[Anonymous]

If she and her bf are getting ready to get married, or living together, AND supporting themselves, they can have a baby whenever they want to. Sometimes earlier is better, as long as the couple is self supporting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22 year old graduated back in May, and now she wants to have a baby with her boyfriend. She was hired as a full time pre-school teacher but I think she should wait a few years before having a baby. How can I tell her to wait? I am worried that the Principal and parents will not be very happy with her if she on leave the first year she starts working.

You don’t mention or presumably care they are not engaged or married? Or just let the courts handle the future..?…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the boyfriend? If he is a young software engineer I say she should go ahead. They shouldn’t get married though as she will be able to get benefits if she is a single mom (as long as they don’t live together… she should use your address maybe? But some programs don’t count her as a separate adult until 23, so she needs to check).
Even if you decide not to use any benefits it’s fine too. Marriage is overrated anyway. She can file as head of household too.
The key thing is to make sure the father has earning potential. She cannot get any meaningful support from someone who can’t get a good job. But if he is a potentially high earner she is set for life even if they later separate.

Gross. You do know that someone is paying for those benefits, right? JFC

Yes and it’s not me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remind her that if she's on leave the first year, that will likely be entirely unpaid. FMLA doesn't kick in until an employee has been at a place for a year -- and that's assuming the school has enough employees to qualify for FMLA rules.

Remind her that her students seem especially precious because she sees them for a handful of hours a day, with co-teacher backup, then goes home to a quiet, adult-oriented house. She is not in charge of dinner, bath, getting dressed or waking up at 6 am on a Saturday.

As a preschool teacher, the daughter of the OP spends far more time with the kids in her classroom than their own parents. She's doing way more hard work and parenting than the parents who drop kids off at 8am and pick them up at 5 or 6.

And here's the SAHM troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a single mother would wreck her chances of finding a good husband if the baby daddy breaks up with her. *That* should be the biggest concern. And of course her raising the kid in your home, as a single mommy.

Exactly! No sane unmarried 22 year old with a pre-school teacher salary should have a baby nor can afford a baby.

[Anonymous]

Sure, if she gets married first and has a lifelong commitment from the current boyfriend, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is approach it from an economic standpoint. It really doesn’t sound like she can afford it. Have you priced diapers and formula lately? Might be time for a baby economics class.

In the worst case scenario she can get on WIC and get these and other things for free

WIC doesn't do diapers.

[Anonymous]

Let her teach a few years. Oh, she will change her mind about having children so young. She is too young and not even married and established on her own. Make sure you remind her to get te patch, IUD, or shot until she is ready.

[Anonymous]

Does the boyfriend know she wants to have a baby? Does he want one too?