Do you have rules around bed time for your college kids at home?

[Anonymous]

My father used to wake up at 4AM for his job to go work on locomotives. After my freshman year, I came home one time at the same time he was getting up for work. He made it clear that he did not want to see me stumbling in while he was getting ready for his day.

And that was that. They didn't police my bedtime, but I also made myself scarce at 4AM while my father was getting ready for his day. Agree with others that your kid has to understand how his behavior affects the other people. It's not really about the bedtime, it's about respecting others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

PP reminds me of my MIL, who wants everyone in bed at her house by 10pm, and awake at the breakfast table at 8am. Because "sleep is very important for health". She also disconnected her WiFi after being angry her college age granddaughters were using their phones and streaming shows. She tried to take their phones during the last visit and it didn't go well. Now everyone is getting a group rental in July when the entire family is going for a visit. Major control issues, all of which back fire eventually.

+1. My mom claimed she could hear me typing too loudly on AOL instant messenger 4 rooms away when I returned home after my freshman year of college 20 years ago. I made sure to get a job after my sophomore year that provided on-campus housing. After that, I had an apartment. Problem solved. I never again stayed at her house for more than 3 nights. Pick your battles, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

Right. I remember doing exactly what your son is doing over my summers growing up. Pre video games and phones. It was a way to enjoy a quiet home to myself. Maybe not consciously avoiding mother, but no qualms if it worked out that way. I really should call her.

[Anonymous]

My mom had a curfew of 11pm when I was in college so I always spent the night at friend's houses. Sometimes I really didn't have anywhere to stay, but knew I couldn't go home at midnight or 1am. I will never put my kids in unsafe situations like that just because of some dumb rule.

In my case, 11pm was hard to make because my parents moved an hour away from where I grew up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

Better send PP to her room to think about her tone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

Okay, what? Your child is at college and when they come home you take their phone away?

[Anonymous]

My husband went away to college and never came home again because of how controlling and undermining his parents are. To this day they have a terrible relationship. You need to think about the kind of relationship you want in the future because these people are ADULTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

Okay, what? Your child is at college and when they come home you take their phone away?

Goodness, no... I don't take away their phone. I just expect that they are not up all hours of the night surfing on social media. Why is this so triggering and/or threatening for many of you? I was merely answering the OP and telling her what we do in our house and why. You guys are welcome to take advice or do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

No, no bedtime for my 21 year college student. Do you hear yourself OP??

He woke you up - he needs to be quieter.

He was asked to empty the dishwasher and didn't. That's rude. Go ahead and be pissy about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

Okay, what? Your child is at college and when they come home you take their phone away?

Goodness, no... I don't take away their phone. I just expect that they are not up all hours of the night surfing on social media. Why is this so triggering and/or threatening for many of you? I was merely answering the OP and telling her what we do in our house and why. You guys are welcome to take advice or do your own thing.

I'm not triggered, or threatened. I just think that it is a little much and an adult can manage their own social media night surfing or suffer the consequences. It is called, adulting.

[Anonymous]

My DD stayed up until 4 AM reading the other night - a far cry from staying up out at frats that she used to do. haha. I did not get on her case about it because no one else heard her and she was up on time to do work the next day. That's all you need to focus on, whether they are distuptive and/or helpful to the family and meeting their obligations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

NP - when multiple people think you're ridiculous, some self-reflection may be in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

Okay, what? Your child is at college and when they come home you take their phone away?

Goodness, no... I don't take away their phone. I just expect that they are not up all hours of the night surfing on social media. Why is this so triggering and/or threatening for many of you? I was merely answering the OP and telling her what we do in our house and why. You guys are welcome to take advice or do your own thing.

That isn't what you wrote earlier:

In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs,

So, you take away their phones at midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

We answered the question you asked, OP. Were you hoping people would chime in with, “Oh yeah! I have a bedtime for my adult kid too!”