Do you have rules around bed time for your college kids at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

You’re absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

PP reminds me of my MIL, who wants everyone in bed at her house by 10pm, and awake at the breakfast table at 8am. Because "sleep is very important for health". She also disconnected her WiFi after being angry her college age granddaughters were using their phones and streaming shows. She tried to take their phones during the last visit and it didn't go well. Now everyone is getting a group rental in July when the entire family is going for a visit. Major control issues, all of which back fire eventually.

Yup. It’s control freak BS masquerading as “concern.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

A D U L T

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

No “nerve,” honey. You’re ridiculous and several people are telling you so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m paying $80K a year for college. Going to sleep at a reasonable time is part of the bargain. Sleep is non-negotiable.

They’re not in college in the summer, but then, you already knew that.

[Anonymous]

My University student is 21. He's had the same part time job for 6 years. Pays for his own phone, pays for his own vehicle and related expenses. He's at work for 7 am. Pays as much of his school expenses as he can.

He hasn't had a bedtime for quite a few years. Some of you are scary.

[Anonymous]

I have two home from college right now (one leaves this weekend for their internship) and our rules about nighttime are pretty standard, imo.

-Be quiet. Don't wake others up with any activity you are doing.
-Clean up after yourself. You make 2 am pancakes, cool. But clean that mess up before I wake up.
-Don't leave after we've gone to bed unless you've told us you were going out. I don't care if they go out or stay out late. I don't care if they sleep at a friend's house. I just don't like it when I think they're home and wake up to find out they left at like 2 am to go to a friend's house. If they have to leave, like, to give a drunk friend a ride, we ask they leave a note or send a text.
-Don't forget about the dog! We have a husky who loves being outside at night to enjoy the cooler temps. She's also very quiet so it's fine to let her out to hangout while you're up, but make sure she comes in before you go to bed.

We ask that they be respectful household members. That means doing a chore when asked (they don't have assigned chores) or without being asked if they notice one needs done. So far they've been very good regarding this aspect. We basically told them at the beginning: you're adults. Coming back home is a privilege not a right. Getting allowance from us during the school year is a privilege not a right. If they're disrespectful of us and our household rules, privileges get lost.

[Anonymous]

My kids must be so thankful I trust them and raised them to have their own better judgement. I don’t tell them when to wash their clothes and I don’t tell them what time to go to bed. They do it because I’ve raised them to recognize their needs. If you feel the need to control their bed time routine in college, there is something wrong with YOUR mental health, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids must be so thankful I trust them and raised them to have their own better judgement. I don’t tell them when to wash their clothes and I don’t tell them what time to go to bed. They do it because I’ve raised them to recognize their needs. If you feel the need to control their bed time routine in college, there is something wrong with YOUR mental health, not theirs.

Agreed. Some people wonder why so many young adults seem incapable of thinking for themselves. Maybe it has something to do with Mommy still sending them to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

A D U L T

Something to keep in mind is that these 18, 19, even 20 year olds are not considered adults in many situations. For example...
- They cannot rent a hotel room or a car.
- They cannot buy alcohol or vape/tobacco/marijuana products.
- They cannot gamble or go into many clubs/bars.
- They cannot work as an Uber or lyft driver.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Presumably, this is because those older teens continue to make bad decisions with regard to themselves and others. They need additional time to mature.

[Anonymous]

Lol, no. If you try to force a bedtime on an adult who does not even live with you most of the time, you are just asking for trouble. I would express my feelings about the dishwasher (if you are living int eh house, you are contributing, and it's not okay to say you are going to do something and blow it off) but no way would I even imply that I wanted them in bed at a certain hour. It's just a fight you will not win. What are you going to do, go in their room and turn off the light if they stay up looking at their phone or computer? No. They're an adult.

I'd keep to my own normal, healthy sleep schedule, make and eat a delicious breakfast with the people up at a normal hour, and then plan enjoyable activities during the day while my college kid slept -- go see a movie, take a hike to a favorite spot, grab lunch at a favorite restaurant. If they are hurt to be left out, say you know they were up crazy late and didn't want to disturb them. But no way would I try to order them to bed or up at a certain hour. They are not children anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "in bed by midnight" poster that everyone seems to be freaking out about. I suppose, in retrospect, I should say house "expectations" rather than house "rules." I am not demanding that these things are done, but they usually are simply because that is how my kids are/were raised.

They've always had very busy schedules with school, sports, and jobs. We are a very health conscious family with expectations of good sleep habits and lots of exercise and limited screen time. They are in or want to get in top universities. We've been having conversations for years about the detrimental effects of spending hours of time on social media.

They know they are free to hang out at a friend's house or go to a party. But they also know to be very, very quiet if they return late at night. And, with their jobs, they know that they shouldn't be staying out late at night more than once or twice a week.

Perhaps it is because I am a high school teacher... I see a lot of teenagers with some pretty significant issues caused by sleep deprivation and too much screen time. I knew that I did not want that lifestyle for my own children.

You do not have to have these expectations for your teens. But you shouldn't be so dismissive of other people's opinions on parenting. My house expectations do not mean that my kids are destined to hate me or need years of therapy. Try to have an open mind.

[Anonymous]

Bedtimes? No
Rules about waking other people up? Yes

[Anonymous]

No. I would prefer they be quiet and they know this, but I think it’s absurd to have a bedtime rule at this age.

I had a high school friend who had to ask permission for every snack or glass of milk. Making college kids have a bed time feels like that to me. Ridiculous.