Do you have rules around bed time for your college kids at home?

[Anonymous]

Totally not reasonable. It's reasonable to have chores, rules (like no drugs or alcohol), but rules around bedtime?! It's not like he was out partying with friends, he was already in your home!

Also, your sleep is YOUR problem. It's not his fault that you sleep without white noise or am easily awakened.

You have a good son- he's working and in college. Give him a break during summers. It's easy to burn out as a kid. He's only got a few summers before the drudgery of adulthood begins. I can't remember the last time I slept in and I often dream about it.

[Anonymous]

OP was open enough to come here for the thoughts of others, no need to bash her.

I think there is universal consensus that rules and expectations are fine and will lead to more harmonious living and bedtimes for adults are a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman DS was home last evening (so not out with friends or anything). He worked all weekend (restaurant), including all day yesterday. Came home at 5, was clearly tired and was crabby at dinner. DH asked him to empty the DW before he went to bed.

DS woke me at 5AM when he came upstairs to go to bed. I never went back to sleep. Dishwasher didn't get emptied. I am furiously angry, but would be annoyed about 5AM bedtime even without those things, as I strongly believe that sleep is vital to mental health, plus he's just pissy when he doesn't get enough sleep. Unfortunately, his work schedule this month will not provide any real natural consequences, so I'm going to have to impose them. I'm not going to let him sleep all day.

What happens at your house?

Relaxed and chilled parents are also vital for mental health. A household where people are not furiously angry is actually great for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you reasonable posters are missing the point, which is that OP would be angry even without the dishwasher and being awakened. She thinks she should set a bedtime for her college kid for “mental health” reasons.

I didn't miss it. I'm just not addressing it. Instead I offered suggestions for her to focus on things that are appropriate and in her control. This is part of the transition into having an adult child. It can be difficult, and I can appreciate OP's struggle.

[Anonymous]

I have two college students.

No bedtime, because that's ridiculous. They are adults.

General rules (for the entire house; called being an adult_
1. If you are out passed 1am, you need to let someone know.
2. Obviously no driving unless you are sober. Call an Uber, call a sibling or parent
3. When other people are sleeping, be quiet and respectful. This works for early risers too. No slamming doors or vacuuming at 8am.
4. Clean up after yourself. If trash is full, take it out. If dishwasher is full, start it.

Adult kids really shouldn't need parented like a teenager in high school.

[Anonymous]

I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

[Anonymous]

Agree that OP's DS needs to learn to be a better roommate (do your share of work around the house, don't be noisy while people are trying to sleep), but setting a bed time for an adult is ridiculous.

IME, parents who do things like setting bed times for their college aged kids also have issues treating them like adults in other (perhaps more important) respects. And then they wonder why their kids don't want to come home and never confide in them about their plans.

One day, when I was in college, I was talking to my Mom about something I was planning, and she said "I was thinking that I'm not sure I think this is a good idea, but then I realized that you've done lots of things I don't agree with, and they've turned out fine. So, I've decided that you're an adult and know what's best for you." From then on, we had a wonderful relationship and were best friends. I have taken this approach with my adult step children and am transitioning to it with my HS Senior. I'm happy to say that they seek out my advice on all manner of things, and it's because I talk to them like the adults they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

PP reminds me of my MIL, who wants everyone in bed at her house by 10pm, and awake at the breakfast table at 8am. Because "sleep is very important for health". She also disconnected her WiFi after being angry her college age granddaughters were using their phones and streaming shows. She tried to take their phones during the last visit and it didn't go well. Now everyone is getting a group rental in July when the entire family is going for a visit. Major control issues, all of which back fire eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

[Anonymous]

I’m the mom of adult kids. One still in college. You are absolutely ridiculous. You don’t give an adult a bedtime. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

[Anonymous]

We had a small house with "quiet hours" when I was a college-aged kid at home. Which meant I could not have people coming / going after 9 p.m. and I needed to respect that my parents were sleeping.

Since I worked nights (like 5-10), it basically just meant that I either came home quietly after work or stayed out and did my hanging out at friends' houses after work and then came home around 1/2 and slept until 10/11.

[Anonymous]

The college student isn’t the only crabby one with lack of sleep. Learn to chill, OP.

[Anonymous]

Most people would be happy their college freshman is working hard at a summer job. I guarantee you that if your home (his home!) is so negative he will make sure to never be back for a summer break again. Is that your intent? Personally I want my college kids to feel loved and welcomed when they’re home.