Do you have rules around bed time for your college kids at home?

[Anonymous]

I’m paying $80K a year for college. Going to sleep at a reasonable time is part of the bargain. Sleep is non-negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m paying $80K a year for college. Going to sleep at a reasonable time is part of the bargain. Sleep is non-negotiable.

Would they be able to choose their own bedtime if they had a partial or full merit scholarship or chose in-state?

[Anonymous]

I would have exited the house and never returned if my parents had policed my bedtime as a college student. I did have a few friends in college whose parents were controlling like that and they barely talk to their parents now. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I will be the dissenting opinion and say no to 5am bedtimes for these college teens. In my house, my returning college kid has the same rules as my high schoolers. In bed at midnight, phones and laptops off and plugged in downstairs, assigned chores, and expectation of summer job. Of course, there are exceptions... going to a party and back at 2am? No problem. But please be very, very quiet when you return.

I have several reasons for my house rules:
- Unless you have a night shift job, there is really no reason to be up at 3am. What are they doing? Roaming around at night? Video-gaming for hours and hours? Diving into the cesspool of social media? These seem unproductive at best and damaging at worst.
- Sleep is very important for health
- They have jobs during the day where they need to be alert, helpful, careful, and professional.
- I would prefer that they not live in my house after graduating from college, and I view my house rules as a gentle push toward finding a well paying job and an apartment.

Good luck, OP

Time to land the helicopter. Let your 18+ years of parenting stand on its own.

You are welcome to judge me. But I am also judging you for accepting that your 19 year old is playing video games and staring at their phones for hours and hours every day.

As though that’s the only alternative. Get counseling for your control issues. You don’t have a toddler

Yikes. I seem to have touched a nerve. Interesting.

We answered the question you asked, OP. Were you hoping people would chime in with, “Oh yeah! I have a bedtime for my adult kid too!”

Hello, OP here. I am not the PP who gives her returning college kids the same rules as her high schoolers, as the kid who woke me at 5AM this morning is my youngest. (That is, I have no high schoolers anymore.)

So this is not my first rodeo, but neither of my older kids likes to stay up all night (at least when they are home). So I haven't really dealt with this particular issue before. DD (just graduated from college) has a job that requires her to get up early, so she goes to bed earlier than I do most nights (or at least, she's in her room with the lights out). DS1 (who is several years out of college and no longer lives at home) is an early riser by nature. I have good relationships with all my kids, so I'm not worried about driving anyone off.

Since I was working at home today, DS and I had a nice chat when he woke up this afternoon. I said my brief piece about the mental health issues related to bad sleeping habits and then said I needed him to be QUIET at night when the rest of us are in bed. (I do have a fan that I run all night in my bedroom, and DS2 woke me even through the white noise, so no, I don't think I'm being overly sensitive.) I also reminded him that his father had asked him to empty the dishwasher and suggested that it had better be done before DH got home from work and started to cook dinner or DH would be pissed. (Then I suggested a few other chores that need to be done this week lol).

Tonight, DS2 came home from playing basketball with friends as I was headed up to bed. I reminded him of our conversation and said again that I strongly prefer he not stay up all night. He said he wouldn't and admitted that he doesn't really like the way he feels when he does it so he will try not to. Of course, then he headed to the basement with his pizza, so who knows what will happen.

I appreciate the reminders to treat him like the adult he is becoming rather than the kid he used to be. I hope you all get a good night's sleep tonight.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

You can't be serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

My college kid is still at work for another hour or more after that, then needs dinner and a shower! I like my sleep as well as the next person, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone in the house - especially other adults - to run on my schedule. As long as they’re trying to be respectful, I’ll return the favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

My college kid is still at work for another hour or more after that, then needs dinner and a shower! I like my sleep as well as the next person, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone in the house - especially other adults - to run on my schedule. As long as they’re trying to be respectful, I’ll return the favor.

Agree with this. My college kid gets home from work at midnight. He needs time to shower, eat dinner, and wind down. He's quiet and respectful, and we offer the same to him from 7am-noon. He's up before noon, but his morning hours (10-11) deserve a quiet time as well. There's no reason for anyone to be woken up while they are sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

My college kid is still at work for another hour or more after that, then needs dinner and a shower! I like my sleep as well as the next person, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone in the house - especially other adults - to run on my schedule. As long as they’re trying to be respectful, I’ll return the favor.

I’m a nanny I take care of 4 people ages 13, 15, 25 and 50. I work 7 days a week 5 am to 8 pm. I’m done at 8 I have to be able to sleep, shower and eat myself so I can take care of these 4 people. Thankfully they are respectful for the most part of my time. Yes I get an occasional knock on my door at 10 pm saying I’m hungry but I give lots of warnings. Kitchen is closing soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

My college kid is still at work for another hour or more after that, then needs dinner and a shower! I like my sleep as well as the next person, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone in the house - especially other adults - to run on my schedule. As long as they’re trying to be respectful, I’ll return the favor.

What does this mean? You go to bed at 8? No one can talk to you after 8? I don't understand what this means. Literally everyone in your house goes to their room at 8?

[Anonymous]

My house, my rules. The Wi-Fi router is in a locked cabinet and on a timer. It shuts off at 11pm and turns on at 5:30am six days a week and is never on on Sunday. We live in an area with crappy data signal and barely get service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m paying $80K a year for college. Going to sleep at a reasonable time is part of the bargain. Sleep is non-negotiable.

So your payment is for going to sleep at a time you find reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My house, my rules. The Wi-Fi router is in a locked cabinet and on a timer. It shuts off at 11pm and turns on at 5:30am six days a week and is never on on Sunday. We live in an area with crappy data signal and barely get service.

You have no control and are not respected if you have to put your words-do in “jail.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m done at 8 pm so you need to be in your room at 8 pm. Don’t have to sleep but you need to be independent while I sleep.

My college kid is still at work for another hour or more after that, then needs dinner and a shower! I like my sleep as well as the next person, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone in the house - especially other adults - to run on my schedule. As long as they’re trying to be respectful, I’ll return the favor.

I’m a nanny I take care of 4 people ages 13, 15, 25 and 50. I work 7 days a week 5 am to 8 pm. I’m done at 8 I have to be able to sleep, shower and eat myself so I can take care of these 4 people. Thankfully they are respectful for the most part of my time. Yes I get an occasional knock on my door at 10 pm saying I’m hungry but I give lots of warnings. Kitchen is closing soon.

None of these people can get their own food from the kitchen? Are they disabled? We’re talking about college age adult children. I’m so confused.