The school has arranged for us to meet with the parents of the child who has been bullying our child

[Anonymous]

OP, do not do this. There's absolutely no way it will benefit your child. Send a polite but firm email declining the meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do not do this. There's absolutely no way it will benefit your child. Send a polite but firm email declining the meeting.

100% under no circumstances should they meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Gosh, I wish I had posted before, but we already agreed to the meeting (just the adults, not the kids).

What's the harm in meeting? I'm not sure why so many are adamantly against it; maybe that's my naivete because we've never been in this situation before.

It's a public school and it's the school's idea to have the meeting. The school seems to agree that our child is being bullied. At least, in the correspondence we've had back and forth, at least twice a teacher has said that they didn't see the incident my child was complaining of, but have no doubt it's true due to previous bullying. This particular person has had conflict with several other kids.

So we've already agreed to this, anything we should look out for? I'm not worried about our being bullied or blamed; we are able to stand up for ourselves as needed.

This accomplished nothing. It is not helpful and you need to stop being so naive. Yes, we are adamant against it and not sure why you can’t understand why that would be. You come across like you are trying to please them. Don’t care if you “already agreed to meet.” Cancel it.

[Anonymous]

NP. Meeting the other parents may or may not be productive but it won't be traumatizing. The children won't be there. I don't see the harm.

I agree that I don't think it will be useful. But I'm wrong a lot. I'd go, prepared to listen and to keep my mouth closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me. I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.

You’re curiosity needs to be left out. That is ridiculous and not the goal.

DP, but I have no clue what you mean here. I too would likely go because I was curious—nothing ridiculous about that—and also because there is a chance it could be constructive. The goal is having a bullying-free remainder of the school year, and the additional information that might come up at the meeting could be helpful in achieving that goal. Since OP and her kid won’t be part of the school community next year, I see little potential for harm.

Leaving is all the more reason why OP doesn’t need to meet. You are naive and foolish. This is not appropriate.

You are obnoxious and prone to attacking others and making inappropriate comments. If you have a point to make about why it will be a disaster if OP attends the meeting, see if you can articulate it in a civil and persuasive way.

[Anonymous]

OP, now I'm curious how it will go, report back!

[Anonymous]

OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

Just because you agreed to meet does not mean you now are locked into meeting. No one will punish you or your child somehow if you cancel.

Please listen to the posts above saying that the whole idea of this meeting seems unusual, and like a cover-our-backsides move by the school. You can't have that many weeks of school left. The school knows there's an issue between the kids and anything that happens in the next few weeks is going to be watched (one hopes). A meeting now is not going to have enough time left in the year to alter the bully's behavior. Focus instead on talking up the new school to your child.

I get the idea of being curious what the other parents and/or the school officials would say, I really do. I think it's just a normal human reaction to be curious in this case. I might, at a gut level, be frankly curious about what the bully's parents were like. But I wouldn't let that prod me to say yes to this meeting. It really can't change things, can't change the past bullying for sure, and won't create some magical cure for the other child's behavior this late in the game. You're out of there and don't owe the school or the other family a face to face on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

+1 OP if the school failed your child, tell them. And if they try to waste your time creating a record to benefit themselves, feel free to leave. Don't worry about the bullying child's parents. The school probably failed their child too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

+1 OP if the school failed your child, tell them. And if they try to waste your time creating a record to benefit themselves, feel free to leave. Don't worry about the bullying child's parents. The school probably failed their child too.

+1. Op you do not need to go to thiseetong. The only explanation I have seen on this thread that makes sense is that the school is doing this so they can say they had the meeting and “did something” about the bullying. It won’t do anything. (I know because we went to such a meeting (my 40 lb 10 year old asd child apparently hit a kid on the playground in that case.. a whole other thread.). If you do not feel the meeting will be helpful you can simply ask what the objective of the meeting is and then tell them that your object is to work with the school to create a safe environment for your child. My best to you, I am sorry this happened to your child, I hope your next school is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

But this defeats the goal of restorative justice.

I think the ethical thing to do, OP, is to honor the school’s (and the other parents) request; don’t you agree?

Restorative justice can only work if people give it a chance.

What’s the worst that could happen?

[Anonymous]

What is the point? There's a month left of school and you're moving, why bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

But this defeats the goal of restorative justice.

I think the ethical thing to do, OP, is to honor the school’s (and the other parents) request; don’t you agree?

Restorative justice can only work if people give it a chance.

What’s the worst that could happen?

I dunno, someone says something that gets taken out of context and re traumatized child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Meeting the other parents may or may not be productive but it won't be traumatizing. The children won't be there. I don't see the harm.

I agree that I don't think it will be useful. But I'm wrong a lot. I'd go, prepared to listen and to keep my mouth closed.

It’s the second week of May. How many more weeks of school are there, and then OP’s kid is leaving the school?

This “meeting” is pointless and nothing positive comes of it for your kid. Cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

+1. There’s no need. It’s iver. I’m a lawyer and find this very odd

[Anonymous]

OP, without being confronted by you face to face, the only information the other parents will have of the situation will come from their child.

Now you are leaving schools but in a couple of years the kids might be in high school together, be in the same ECs, have a part time job together etc. That’s the hazard of living in a community. Rectifying the issue now might pay off in the future

Go into the meetings fully prepared that they believe that their angel can’t do any wrong and come armed with all the factual evidence that you have like physical scars or being visibly upset. Force them to see the reality of the situation and to do their jobs as parents.