The school has arranged for us to meet with the parents of the child who has been bullying our child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They want to blame, convolute and bully you under the guise of being proactive

100%
And do not have your child meet with the bully either. He will be revictimized if so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me. I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.

You’re curiosity needs to be left out. That is ridiculous and not the goal.

DP, but I have no clue what you mean here. I too would likely go because I was curious—nothing ridiculous about that—and also because there is a chance it could be constructive. The goal is having a bullying-free remainder of the school year, and the additional information that might come up at the meeting could be helpful in achieving that goal. Since OP and her kid won’t be part of the school community next year, I see little potential for harm.

[Anonymous]

We had this happen. Went to the meeting this time of year and the other parents told us their child wouldn't be coming back to the school in the fall! They didn't know we'd given up on the school and had committed to attend elsewhere in the fall. Of course the school probably thought it had done wonders by no counseling this family out after three years of bullying.

[Anonymous]

fixed typo

Anonymous wrote:We had this happen. Went to the meeting this time of year and the other parents told us their child wouldn't be coming back to the school in the fall! They didn't know we'd given up on the school and had committed to attend elsewhere in the fall. Of course the school probably thought it had done wonders by counseling this family out after three years of bullying.

[Anonymous]

This is surprising and usually does not happen in public school, so I'm assuming this is a private school. I would ask the school who set up this meeting and why. Who knows, maybe someone can tell you. And given what you know about the school, other child's parents and the exact nature of the bullying, I might attend, with a clear set of talking points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me. I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.

You’re curiosity needs to be left out. That is ridiculous and not the goal.

DP, but I have no clue what you mean here. I too would likely go because I was curious—nothing ridiculous about that—and also because there is a chance it could be constructive. The goal is having a bullying-free remainder of the school year, and the additional information that might come up at the meeting could be helpful in achieving that goal. Since OP and her kid won’t be part of the school community next year, I see little potential for harm.

Leaving is all the more reason why OP doesn’t need to meet. You are naive and foolish. This is not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me. I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.

You’re curiosity needs to be left out. That is ridiculous and not the goal.

DP, but I have no clue what you mean here. I too would likely go because I was curious—nothing ridiculous about that—and also because there is a chance it could be constructive. The goal is having a bullying-free remainder of the school year, and the additional information that might come up at the meeting could be helpful in achieving that goal. Since OP and her kid won’t be part of the school community next year, I see little potential for harm.

Leaving is all the more reason why OP doesn’t need to meet. You are naive and foolish. This is not appropriate.

DP. Why do you say it is naive and foolish?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. My experience as a teacher tells me that the school thinks you are
over reacting . Multiple times in my career parents of bullied kids requested that type of meeting
and are shut down. It only creates more bad blood and schools don't want the drama.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Gosh, I wish I had posted before, but we already agreed to the meeting (just the adults, not the kids).

What's the harm in meeting? I'm not sure why so many are adamantly against it; maybe that's my naivete because we've never been in this situation before.

It's a public school and it's the school's idea to have the meeting. The school seems to agree that our child is being bullied. At least, in the correspondence we've had back and forth, at least twice a teacher has said that they didn't see the incident my child was complaining of, but have no doubt it's true due to previous bullying. This particular person has had conflict with several other kids.

So we've already agreed to this, anything we should look out for? I'm not worried about our being bullied or blamed; we are able to stand up for ourselves as needed.

[Anonymous]

Inviting parents to talk with one another seems like it will 9th encourage blame and/or defensiveness. The students are the ones whose behavior needs to change (the target may need support to build confidence or find ways to avoid interaction) and who needs intervention to stop the behavior. If that means meeting with their parents, or each set of parents separately, that makes sense, but I don’t know what having the parents meet together is meant to accomplish. I hope it’s productive for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Gosh, I wish I had posted before, but we already agreed to the meeting (just the adults, not the kids).

What's the harm in meeting? I'm not sure why so many are adamantly against it; maybe that's my naivete because we've never been in this situation before.

It's a public school and it's the school's idea to have the meeting. The school seems to agree that our child is being bullied. At least, in the correspondence we've had back and forth, at least twice a teacher has said that they didn't see the incident my child was complaining of, but have no doubt it's true due to previous bullying. This particular person has had conflict with several other kids.

So we've already agreed to this, anything we should look out for? I'm not worried about our being bullied or blamed; we are able to stand up for ourselves as needed.

What was the school's stated rationale for doing so? I'd want that to be crystal clear before I agreed to a meeting like this, if for no other reason than to not waste my time.

[Anonymous]

This probably isn’t the case for you but parents once wanted to talk to us about our child excluding theirs and it turned out our child was avoiding theirs because their child kept graphically threatening to kill mine. Unlikely I know but I would be prepared for some surprises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Gosh, I wish I had posted before, but we already agreed to the meeting (just the adults, not the kids).

What's the harm in meeting? I'm not sure why so many are adamantly against it; maybe that's my naivete because we've never been in this situation before.

It's a public school and it's the school's idea to have the meeting. The school seems to agree that our child is being bullied. At least, in the correspondence we've had back and forth, at least twice a teacher has said that they didn't see the incident my child was complaining of, but have no doubt it's true due to previous bullying. This particular person has had conflict with several other kids.

So we've already agreed to this, anything we should look out for? I'm not worried about our being bullied or blamed; we are able to stand up for ourselves as needed.

You need to cancel meeting with them.

[Anonymous]

I think the school wants to be able to say “the parents met and worked it out amicably” — suggesting to other families that the school “handled it” and there no bullying problems.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. I was a teacher for years. This was never something leadership even considered for so many reasons.