The school has arranged for us to meet with the parents of the child who has been bullying our child

[Anonymous]

I went to one of these meetings and found it not harmful and probably helpful and insightful. I’m surprised that in a school community so many people are completely against talking to the other involved parent. Everyone has things to learn in this type of situation and not just about fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of these meetings and found it not harmful and probably helpful and insightful. I’m surprised that in a school community so many people are completely against talking to the other involved parent. Everyone has things to learn in this type of situation and not just about fault.

Was your child the bully?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me. I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.

You’re curiosity needs to be left out. That is ridiculous and not the goal.

DP, but I have no clue what you mean here. I too would likely go because I was curious—nothing ridiculous about that—and also because there is a chance it could be constructive. The goal is having a bullying-free remainder of the school year, and the additional information that might come up at the meeting could be helpful in achieving that goal. Since OP and her kid won’t be part of the school community next year, I see little potential for harm.

Leaving is all the more reason why OP doesn’t need to meet. You are naive and foolish. This is not appropriate.

You are obnoxious and prone to attacking others and making inappropriate comments. If you have a point to make about why it will be a disaster if OP attends the meeting, see if you can articulate it in a civil and persuasive way.

Found the bully!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Meeting the other parents may or may not be productive but it won't be traumatizing. The children won't be there. I don't see the harm.

I agree that I don't think it will be useful. But I'm wrong a lot. I'd go, prepared to listen and to keep my mouth closed.

In no way does it benefit the OP or her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

But this defeats the goal of restorative justice.

I think the ethical thing to do, OP, is to honor the school’s (and the other parents) request; don’t you agree?

Restorative justice can only work if people give it a chance.

What’s the worst that could happen?

The OP doesn’t owe them anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

Just because you agreed to meet does not mean you now are locked into meeting. No one will punish you or your child somehow if you cancel.

Please listen to the posts above saying that the whole idea of this meeting seems unusual, and like a cover-our-backsides move by the school. You can't have that many weeks of school left. The school knows there's an issue between the kids and anything that happens in the next few weeks is going to be watched (one hopes). A meeting now is not going to have enough time left in the year to alter the bully's behavior. Focus instead on talking up the new school to your child.

I get the idea of being curious what the other parents and/or the school officials would say, I really do. I think it's just a normal human reaction to be curious in this case. I might, at a gut level, be frankly curious about what the bully's parents were like. But I wouldn't let that prod me to say yes to this meeting. It really can't change things, can't change the past bullying for sure, and won't create some magical cure for the other child's behavior this late in the game. You're out of there and don't owe the school or the other family a face to face on this.

I don’t disagree with anything you are saying here, but neither you nor anyone else on here has articulated why the meeting could be harmful to OP or her child. OP doesn’t need to care if the school’s motives are self-serving since she’s leaving, and OP’s child has already put up with the bullying all year, so I expect the family is prepared to accept the meeting won’t change anything. I would want to go just to hear what the school or the other family had to say if for no other reason than to be in a position to share my thoughts about how the school handled it with friends or acquaintances who may be choosing between it and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of these meetings and found it not harmful and probably helpful and insightful. I’m surprised that in a school community so many people are completely against talking to the other involved parent. Everyone has things to learn in this type of situation and not just about fault.

As the mom of a SN kid, I have absolutely zero need or desire to meet with other parents who don’t understand the situation. It serves no purpose for me or them. And it’s not my job to make them feel vindicated or whatever. I do my part by making sure my kid has the best IEP and therapy, and that the school implements it. The situation cannot really be explained unless I go into detail about my son’s diagnosis and therapies, and I am not gonna do that. Other parents absolutely have a right to advocate for their kids, but they need to talk to the school, not me.

In my experience, inexperienced and incompetent administrators try to set up this kind of meeting to placate parents. They think it’s an easy way out of behavioral issues and would much rather act like the problem is out of their hands than actually give kids what they need.

[Anonymous]

This is fascinating. At our school we were never even given the name of the bully. Our DC told us but there was clearly privacy concerns all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

Just because you agreed to meet does not mean you now are locked into meeting. No one will punish you or your child somehow if you cancel.

Please listen to the posts above saying that the whole idea of this meeting seems unusual, and like a cover-our-backsides move by the school. You can't have that many weeks of school left. The school knows there's an issue between the kids and anything that happens in the next few weeks is going to be watched (one hopes). A meeting now is not going to have enough time left in the year to alter the bully's behavior. Focus instead on talking up the new school to your child.

I get the idea of being curious what the other parents and/or the school officials would say, I really do. I think it's just a normal human reaction to be curious in this case. I might, at a gut level, be frankly curious about what the bully's parents were like. But I wouldn't let that prod me to say yes to this meeting. It really can't change things, can't change the past bullying for sure, and won't create some magical cure for the other child's behavior this late in the game. You're out of there and don't owe the school or the other family a face to face on this.

I don’t disagree with anything you are saying here, but neither you nor anyone else on here has articulated why the meeting could be harmful to OP or her child. OP doesn’t need to care if the school’s motives are self-serving since she’s leaving, and OP’s child has already put up with the bullying all year, so I expect the family is prepared to accept the meeting won’t change anything. I would want to go just to hear what the school or the other family had to say if for no other reason than to be in a position to share my thoughts about how the school handled it with friends or acquaintances who may be choosing between it and others.

Actually, the meeting could be harmful and in no benefits them. The OP can share her thoughts with the school about how they handled it. She does not need to do that with the family. You are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

Just because you agreed to meet does not mean you now are locked into meeting. No one will punish you or your child somehow if you cancel.

Please listen to the posts above saying that the whole idea of this meeting seems unusual, and like a cover-our-backsides move by the school. You can't have that many weeks of school left. The school knows there's an issue between the kids and anything that happens in the next few weeks is going to be watched (one hopes). A meeting now is not going to have enough time left in the year to alter the bully's behavior. Focus instead on talking up the new school to your child.

I get the idea of being curious what the other parents and/or the school officials would say, I really do. I think it's just a normal human reaction to be curious in this case. I might, at a gut level, be frankly curious about what the bully's parents were like. But I wouldn't let that prod me to say yes to this meeting. It really can't change things, can't change the past bullying for sure, and won't create some magical cure for the other child's behavior this late in the game. You're out of there and don't owe the school or the other family a face to face on this.

I don’t disagree with anything you are saying here, but neither you nor anyone else on here has articulated why the meeting could be harmful to OP or her child. OP doesn’t need to care if the school’s motives are self-serving since she’s leaving, and OP’s child has already put up with the bullying all year, so I expect the family is prepared to accept the meeting won’t change anything. I would want to go just to hear what the school or the other family had to say if for no other reason than to be in a position to share my thoughts about how the school handled it with friends or acquaintances who may be choosing between it and others.

Except OP is never actually going to know how the school handled it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

But this defeats the goal of restorative justice.

I think the ethical thing to do, OP, is to honor the school’s (and the other parents) request; don’t you agree?

Restorative justice can only work if people give it a chance.

What’s the worst that could happen?

The OP doesn’t owe them anything.

and wtf does “restorative justice” have to do with the parents? it’s the kids in conflict, not the parents. unless you think the parents are always to blame. the ONLY justice here is the school actually supporting the child acting aggressively, which they rarely do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of these meetings and found it not harmful and probably helpful and insightful. I’m surprised that in a school community so many people are completely against talking to the other involved parent. Everyone has things to learn in this type of situation and not just about fault.

As the mom of a SN kid, I have absolutely zero need or desire to meet with other parents who don’t understand the situation. It serves no purpose for me or them. And it’s not my job to make them feel vindicated or whatever. I do my part by making sure my kid has the best IEP and therapy, and that the school implements it. The situation cannot really be explained unless I go into detail about my son’s diagnosis and therapies, and I am not gonna do that. Other parents absolutely have a right to advocate for their kids, but they need to talk to the school, not me.

In my experience, inexperienced and incompetent administrators try to set up this kind of meeting to placate parents. They think it’s an easy way out of behavioral issues and would much rather act like the problem is out of their hands than actually give kids what they need.

Yes, we had a bullying issue with child threatened my child and was ongoing. I filed a formal complaint that was available in the school district. The asst principal preferred that I rather not have done that. That only cemented all the more reason that it was necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, this meeting is very likely for the school's benefit, not yours, not the other family's, not the kids'. As a PP already said, it will allow the school to say, we got the parents together, it was amicable, families at this school talk things out, we're proactive about facilitating discussion here, etc. That's not about your child, it's about the school wanting to create a record that it had this meeting.

Just because you agreed to meet does not mean you now are locked into meeting. No one will punish you or your child somehow if you cancel.

Please listen to the posts above saying that the whole idea of this meeting seems unusual, and like a cover-our-backsides move by the school. You can't have that many weeks of school left. The school knows there's an issue between the kids and anything that happens in the next few weeks is going to be watched (one hopes). A meeting now is not going to have enough time left in the year to alter the bully's behavior. Focus instead on talking up the new school to your child.

I get the idea of being curious what the other parents and/or the school officials would say, I really do. I think it's just a normal human reaction to be curious in this case. I might, at a gut level, be frankly curious about what the bully's parents were like. But I wouldn't let that prod me to say yes to this meeting. It really can't change things, can't change the past bullying for sure, and won't create some magical cure for the other child's behavior this late in the game. You're out of there and don't owe the school or the other family a face to face on this.

I don’t disagree with anything you are saying here, but neither you nor anyone else on here has articulated why the meeting could be harmful to OP or her child. OP doesn’t need to care if the school’s motives are self-serving since she’s leaving, and OP’s child has already put up with the bullying all year, so I expect the family is prepared to accept the meeting won’t change anything. I would want to go just to hear what the school or the other family had to say if for no other reason than to be in a position to share my thoughts about how the school handled it with friends or acquaintances who may be choosing between it and others.

Out of all the reasoning and advise I’ve seen on threads, this one has to be the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of these meetings and found it not harmful and probably helpful and insightful. I’m surprised that in a school community so many people are completely against talking to the other involved parent. Everyone has things to learn in this type of situation and not just about fault.

As the mom of a SN kid, I have absolutely zero need or desire to meet with other parents who don’t understand the situation. It serves no purpose for me or them. And it’s not my job to make them feel vindicated or whatever. I do my part by making sure my kid has the best IEP and therapy, and that the school implements it. The situation cannot really be explained unless I go into detail about my son’s diagnosis and therapies, and I am not gonna do that. Other parents absolutely have a right to advocate for their kids, but they need to talk to the school, not me.

In my experience, inexperienced and incompetent administrators try to set up this kind of meeting to placate parents. They think it’s an easy way out of behavioral issues and would much rather act like the problem is out of their hands than actually give kids what they need.

Yes, we had a bullying issue with child threatened my child and was ongoing. I filed a formal complaint that was available in the school district. The asst principal preferred that I rather not have done that. That only cemented all the more reason that it was necessary.

SN mom here. Sometimes filing complaints like that is the only way the school will actually give the kid the services they need. In a good school, the AP would have been able to tell you (in general terms) about the supports the other child was getting for behaviors, plus a clear plan that made you feel confident your child would be protected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% do NOT meet with them. Absolutely not. Same with the children.

But this defeats the goal of restorative justice.

I think the ethical thing to do, OP, is to honor the school’s (and the other parents) request; don’t you agree?

Restorative justice can only work if people give it a chance.

What’s the worst that could happen?

The OP doesn’t owe them anything.

As a society, don’t we all owe it to give restorative justice / social justice our absolute best efforts?