Is it weird to ask to wear protection?

[Anonymous]

Roe vs Wade is being overturned. If they don't want to wear a condom they can pay for the resulting child (and STD).

[Anonymous]

OP again. I always make sure my partner is using condoms. I guess what I was getting at is am I the exception or the norm. (Not that it matters because I do what’s right for me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I always make sure my partner is using condoms. I guess what I was getting at is am I the exception or the norm. (Not that it matters because I do what’s right for me).

You are doing the right thing. Posters are saying how inane it is that middle aged people don’t require them or tell brand new (just met) partners not to use one.

Very risky and stupid behavior abs the ones cheating on their spouses and doing this should be taken out and shot. That’s non-consensual, non-monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s single mom here. So one of the things that I’ve found while dating is that men don’t like to wear protection. Most of them will, but don’t like it. For a variety of reasons, I prefer to use condoms (even if I’m on the pill). I can’t really relax otherwise. I keep hearing some variation of “we can just get tested” or “you have trust issues” or “what’s the big deal.” It makes me feel like I’m the only woman asking for this. Am I being crazy?

OP, are you also the OP of the thread asking if it's "weird" for a guy you saw pre-pandemic to ask you about your sexual history since then?

That OP is also a 40s single mom, also not interested in a relationship, and is also interested in no-strings-attached sex.

Wondering since both that post and this one are crowdsourcing whether specific sexual things are "weird." If that's you in both these threads, maybe there's a bigger picture of your wanting reassurance on this forum that what you're experiencing as you have sex with different guys is the norm? Maybe the larger question is if the men are, to be blunt, quality? Where are you meeting men, and how quickly are you proceeding to sex with them, if you're concerned about these things? To be clear: I'm not judging, OP, but genuinely wondering if the "is this weird" questions are coming up because you're having sex with men you don't quite know well enough to trust that you can directly ask them about protection, sexual history, why they want your sexual history, etc. These are things that two adults having sex should feel able to be very frank about, if they want to avoid STDs, pregnancy, or getting into a situation that could be risky (such as one person suddenly pressuring the other for acts that weren't on the agenda). If you're posting here I'm taking that to mean you're leery of having sufficiently frank discussions with these dates, or you're worried that if you do, they'll be turned off. And we're back to whether you and they know each other at least well enough to be as frank as you need to be for your own safety as well as pleasure.

Again, not judging, just wondering if there's a pattern or concern bigger than these individual questions and if it's to do with the men, or where you're meeting them, or how you're approaching NSA sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s single mom here. So one of the things that I’ve found while dating is that men don’t like to wear protection. Most of them will, but don’t like it. For a variety of reasons, I prefer to use condoms (even if I’m on the pill). I can’t really relax otherwise. I keep hearing some variation of “we can just get tested” or “you have trust issues” or “what’s the big deal.” It makes me feel like I’m the only woman asking for this. Am I being crazy?

OP, are you also the OP of the thread asking if it's "weird" for a guy you saw pre-pandemic to ask you about your sexual history since then?

That OP is also a 40s single mom, also not interested in a relationship, and is also interested in no-strings-attached sex.

Wondering since both that post and this one are crowdsourcing whether specific sexual things are "weird." If that's you in both these threads, maybe there's a bigger picture of your wanting reassurance on this forum that what you're experiencing as you have sex with different guys is the norm? Maybe the larger question is if the men are, to be blunt, quality? Where are you meeting men, and how quickly are you proceeding to sex with them, if you're concerned about these things? To be clear: I'm not judging, OP, but genuinely wondering if the "is this weird" questions are coming up because you're having sex with men you don't quite know well enough to trust that you can directly ask them about protection, sexual history, why they want your sexual history, etc. These are things that two adults having sex should feel able to be very frank about, if they want to avoid STDs, pregnancy, or getting into a situation that could be risky (such as one person suddenly pressuring the other for acts that weren't on the agenda). If you're posting here I'm taking that to mean you're leery of having sufficiently frank discussions with these dates, or you're worried that if you do, they'll be turned off. And we're back to whether you and they know each other at least well enough to be as frank as you need to be for your own safety as well as pleasure.

Again, not judging, just wondering if there's a pattern or concern bigger than these individual questions and if it's to do with the men, or where you're meeting them, or how you're approaching NSA sex.

Different poster. I am the other poster of the other thread that you were referring to and I’m not the OP of this thread. I am not looking for complete casual. Monogamous casual long term. There is a difference. And I am upfront with the one person I am sleeping with at a time about testing (and I use condoms and the pill). In my experience in my entire life I’ve never had an face of questions about a partner when somebody was not in my life for more than a year (at any point in my life, which is why I asked if it was weird in the other thread). You are the one judging and making assumptions. Both me and the poster of this thread are simply asking what other people‘s experiences are… because it’s different than it was 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I always make sure my partner is using condoms. I guess what I was getting at is am I the exception or the norm. (Not that it matters because I do what’s right for me).

It’s normal for most men to use condoms and not have a problem with it. Of course they prefer without.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP of this thread and I never said I don’t want a relationship or I only want nsa sex…jeessh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As they age, men have a harder time performing with condoms. Solution: go for younger guys. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know why this didn’t get any traction. It’s true-as men age, it’s harder to use condoms. I’ve also found that men that are a little on the smaller side have a hard time keeping them on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s single mom here. So one of the things that I’ve found while dating is that men don’t like to wear protection. Most of them will, but don’t like it. For a variety of reasons, I prefer to use condoms (even if I’m on the pill). I can’t really relax otherwise. I keep hearing some variation of “we can just get tested” or “you have trust issues” or “what’s the big deal.” It makes me feel like I’m the only woman asking for this. Am I being crazy?

Are you a virgin from the 70s?
Use condoms. Don’t have sex with people who won’t use a condom.
Yes, a lot of men whine about it. Don’t have sex with them.

This is high school stuff.

[Anonymous]

I will nope right out of there if a guy shows resistance to condoms. Nope nope nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I started dating again, mostly women in their 40s, I was surprised that only maybe 15% wanted to use condoms, once they knew I had a vasectomy. I hate them but I always came prepared. IN the years to follow, I've learned that women hate them even more than I do.

You're using the wrong condoms, then. I don't get all the condom hate because my DH and I use them and we don't need them for BC or STD prevention. All the condom haters should experiment with more adventurous condoms because they, especially the women, are missing out. Seriously.

Oh I've tried them all. I've found little difference in the feel with any of them except for some being way too tight. I've tried the trick of using lobe inside also. Makes a small difference but condoms are still horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I started dating again, mostly women in their 40s, I was surprised that only maybe 15% wanted to use condoms, once they knew I had a vasectomy. I hate them but I always came prepared. IN the years to follow, I've learned that women hate them even more than I do.

This!!!

I always bring and use condoms, but soooooo many women in their late 30s and older have no qualms with going bareback with a guy they recently met. It was sort of shocking for me, as I’m pretty conscious about my sexual heath and have never pressured anyone to forego condoms

I'm the PP and I was shocked too. I assumed that nearly every woman would insist on condoms but in fact, it was rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I started dating again, mostly women in their 40s, I was surprised that only maybe 15% wanted to use condoms, once they knew I had a vasectomy. I hate them but I always came prepared. IN the years to follow, I've learned that women hate them even more than I do.

You're using the wrong condoms, then. I don't get all the condom hate because my DH and I use them and we don't need them for BC or STD prevention. All the condom haters should experiment with more adventurous condoms because they, especially the women, are missing out. Seriously.

Oh I've tried them all. I've found little difference in the feel with any of them except for some being way too tight. I've tried the trick of using lobe inside also. Makes a small difference but condoms are still horrible.

15%??? How many women are you truly dipping ith unprotected? Please stop this.

[Anonymous]

I show up with the box of condoms. I bring them out right before and set them on the night stand. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I show up with the box of condoms. I bring them out right before and set them on the night stand. Done.

Do you at least take her to dinner firts?