Can I quit my job or is that dumb

[Anonymous]

I remember thinking I should quit my job when my kids were little and it was rough to juggle. I had 3 month leave when they were each first born, and later had a 3 month break in employment when they were toddler/preschool age and each of those times I really loved being with them with no pressure of work. But I also felt a narrowing of my world that was a little unnerving. I decided to return to work.

Now that they are teens I'm really glad I didn't quit. It's better for my marriage to have a more "even" relationship. I have a great and close relationship with my kids. My friends who quit to become SAHP seemed to become a bit lost when the kids became teens and experienced some marital problems, including one divorce. I think the divorce was in part due to some of the shifts in roles--they had been more of a professional career couple and then she kind of dropped out of that world entirely.

Not at all saying this would happen to you--some people find having one SAHP improves their relationship. Just something to think about. Your marriage so far is based on you being a lawyer and perhaps relating to your spouse's working life on some level so quitting changes that--for better or for worse. When you stay at home with young children your world usually narrows. You make a great and stable salary--consider what supports you could buy (e.g. housecleaning service, nanny services, mealkits etc.) that would make your life easier now and see after investing in real supports if you still want to quit. The costs/benefits are not only financial--they are also relational and connected to your identity. I also personally value what my children have gained from having a window on me as a professional AND their mom.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can quit. It's not dumb. You're really fortunate to have the financial freedom to do this.

It doesn't have to be a permanent decision. Other PPs are right that the biggest factor will be the changes to your marriage dynamic. Could be good, could be bad, but I'd give that serious thought and more weight than any other considerations.

[Anonymous]

Omg... yes, absolutely quit.

I would keep your child in daycare part time right now, or find a part time preschool, because you do need some time to yourself. Buts yes absolutely you should quit.

[Anonymous]

You are a successful lawyer making good money. You world be crazy to give that up to stay home.

[Anonymous]

A child was born during the pandemic there wasn't a plan to quit here anyway? Seems hard to believe.. quit yesterday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A child was born during the pandemic there wasn't a plan to quit here anyway? Seems hard to believe.. quit yesterday

I was pregnant well before the pandemic began - she was just born during it. (Spring 2020)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have $4 million net worth and husband is bringing in $1 million? QUIT

Seriously. How is this a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have $4 million net worth and husband is bringing in $1 million? QUIT

Seriously. How is this a question.

This, and keep your supports, at least housekeeping and possibly some child care. I did that and it enabled me volunteer in more professional level "jobs" that eventually led back to meaningful part-time work. We also saved -- a lot.

In some ways, one of the possibilities that people warn about happened -- DH lost his job in his late 40's. But, by that point we had saved enough that with a modest downshift in lifestyle we were fine, and even better than fine because we now have lots of family time. You'll have lots of room to adjust to any of life's curveballs with your big HHI and multi-millions in savings.

[Anonymous]

Quit quit quit. My only apprehension in your situation would be if I felt like DH was headed for the same kind of burnout and need for change, especially if he's in a volatile industry. But he alone is making enough money to save and sustain should that become reality.

Also it is amazing how often women post similar questions - making decent six figures with HHI in the millions and wondering if they should quit. YES GIRL YES. DH and I make enough money together but our incomes are comparable and it would be a huge lifestyle change if either of us were to quit, so we plod along. Women are told a story about individual accomplishments and professional value which is fine and good if your personal values are aligned with that story, but if they aren't and you have the means, it's not a failure to step away from being a cog in the capitalist machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember thinking I should quit my job when my kids were little and it was rough to juggle. I had 3 month leave when they were each first born, and later had a 3 month break in employment when they were toddler/preschool age and each of those times I really loved being with them with no pressure of work. But I also felt a narrowing of my world that was a little unnerving. I decided to return to work.

Now that they are teens I'm really glad I didn't quit. It's better for my marriage to have a more "even" relationship. I have a great and close relationship with my kids. My friends who quit to become SAHP seemed to become a bit lost when the kids became teens and experienced some marital problems, including one divorce. I think the divorce was in part due to some of the shifts in roles--they had been more of a professional career couple and then she kind of dropped out of that world entirely.

Not at all saying this would happen to you--some people find having one SAHP improves their relationship. Just something to think about. Your marriage so far is based on you being a lawyer and perhaps relating to your spouse's working life on some level so quitting changes that--for better or for worse. When you stay at home with young children your world usually narrows. You make a great and stable salary--consider what supports you could buy (e.g. housecleaning service, nanny services, mealkits etc.) that would make your life easier now and see after investing in real supports if you still want to quit. The costs/benefits are not only financial--they are also relational and connected to your identity. I also personally value what my children have gained from having a window on me as a professional AND their mom.

Thanks for this perspective. I do worry about how my relationship will change - I’ve definitely discussed this concern with my husband. He’s the best though so it’s hard to imagine things will change so negatively, which I know may be a naive thing to say but he’s truly a great partner and I have zero complaints about our marriage so I’m hoping it can adapt to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would interview for a different job - many in house positions offering full remote work. Then quit if it’s still unmanageable. I personally do not like not working. You can have another child too - many employers offer good working conditions to support families.

Other questions: do you have debt? Enough savings? Only you know your finances.

Thanks for your thoughts - we do have what I think are good savings at this point ($4m between brokerage, 401ks and savings/checking accounts), only debt is mortgage $700k.

What did you not like about not working?

Sit down with DH and have some serious discussions about what you "not working" will look like. Will you be in charge of everything to do with house and kids? Of everything while he's working, and 50/50 when he's not at work? Of 75% of household stuff but he takes the kids one weekend day? Is it going to be a problem if you want to hire out cleaning/yardwork/etc? How often will you check in to see that this setup still works for everyone? What if he starts to feel resentful about being the sole earner or burned out at his job?

Then quit. You have plenty of money, and your health is important too (including mental health). Just make sure you're taking care of your marriage too, because you're putting all of your eggs in this basket.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I'd quit. My kids are older (5 & 8) and I'm juggling full-time work and lots of kid challenges. DH and I both make about the same amount and I'm the one who ends up managing everything house and kid-related. The older one is dyslexic (just started the school assessment process) and the younger one is having some challenges too. If I had the financial ability to not work right now, I'd be so happy to just focus on what's in front of me with them.

Given your savings and your husbands' high salary, I fully give you permission to quit. We are so ingrained in the idea of slogging through and juggling it all at the risk of our own sanity and it just isn't worth it with the financial support you have in place. Best of luck, I'm jealous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, go on a retreat for a few days by yourself, sleep, get massage, walk and think. You want to be rested and rational when making this decision, not overwhelmed and sleep deprived. I guarantee different mindset after a few days of rest alone - no matter what decision you end up making. Good luck.

This. At the very least, take a staycation but send your daughter to daycare that week,

Also, Before you quit, if the telecommuting is the main problem, at the very least tell them that if they don’t allow you to telecommute full-time or four days a week, you going to have to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would interview for a different job - many in house positions offering full remote work. Then quit if it’s still unmanageable. I personally do not like not working. You can have another child too - many employers offer good working conditions to support families.

Other questions: do you have debt? Enough savings? Only you know your finances.

Thanks for your thoughts - we do have what I think are good savings at this point ($4m between brokerage, 401ks and savings/checking accounts), only debt is mortgage $700k.

What did you not like about not working?

Sit down with DH and have some serious discussions about what you "not working" will look like. Will you be in charge of everything to do with house and kids? Of everything while he's working, and 50/50 when he's not at work? Of 75% of household stuff but he takes the kids one weekend day? Is it going to be a problem if you want to hire out cleaning/yardwork/etc? How often will you check in to see that this setup still works for everyone? What if he starts to feel resentful about being the sole earner or burned out at his job?

Then quit. You have plenty of money, and your health is important too (including mental health). Just make sure you're taking care of your marriage too, because you're putting all of your eggs in this basket.

This + financial planning discussion since his earnings are "volatile".

[Anonymous]

I would definitely go with a full time nanny / housekeeper first. See how you feel after 6 months of that.