Family’s insensitive/racist comments

[Anonymous]

All you can do is spend less time with them
Increasingly less and less time with those who are offensive
- with some warning.
That's all.
It's not hard. It just takes nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?

That’s it? A cute Paco the Taco instead of cutie pie or cutie butt?

Every mixed couple I know thought of super fun mixed nicknames, even fir the triple threat citizenship parents.

Those otherwise kind relatives had better stop calling my kid little pepito lest they be deemed a raging racist by OP.

OP. I think there’s a huge difference between a nickname H and I come up with/nickname that has cultural roots, and my white family deciding to call my child food or caricature-based names to point out that she’s different. My H’s family calling her pepita is cute. My white family calling her Burrito or Juanita when that’s not her name is not okay with me. I don’t want her feeling ashamed of her heritage around my family or to feel like she’s an outsider compared to her white cousins.

FWIW I’d be equally upset if H’a family called her Cracker or Becky to make a point of her being half white (which they would never do, they are lovely people).

Also, it’s just downright embarrassing to have my H hear things like that. I wish my family had more tact and could filter what they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I actually think Paco the Taco is hilarious. Lol. I’m Hispanic and it’s funny. That’s said given the context of them not being hispanic seems in appropriate.

I would have laughed but then calmly explained that that is your child. Then I would ask them what names they suggest. Or you could go full sarcasm and and say yes he name is going to be Paco and see what they say. Have they always been like this? Knowing Spanish is literally so desirable.

+1

I'm also Latino and don't find this particularly offensive; rather, it's simply stupid to say in today's woke, hypersensitive culture. Just goes to show you, white liberals are more obsessed with racism than actual minorities.

Shut up.
Plenty of other people, Hispanic, white, Indian, Cambodian, Latino, Hispanic find it offensive .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's too bad you and your DH rushed into this marriage he should have had the opportunity meet your racist family before deciding to spend his life with you.

Oh trust me on this. His family is probably more racist.

You seriously don't think minority families are racist? She only needs to talk to them privately and in a nice way.

+1

My Indian grandfather died 15 years ago but he used to say the N-word until his dying day.

Minorities are probably worse actually.

[Anonymous]

Check your privilege Op.

If you want to fight real racism it’s not your parents excited about a Hispanic/white baby. You’re really over sensitive.

So tell them you are very sensitive and to stop all mixed heritage chatter or names. I wouldn’t throw out your racism claim, but your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?

That’s it? A cute Paco the Taco instead of cutie pie or cutie butt?

Every mixed couple I know thought of super fun mixed nicknames, even fir the triple threat citizenship parents.

Those otherwise kind relatives had better stop calling my kid little pepito lest they be deemed a raging racist by OP.

OP. I think there’s a huge difference between a nickname H and I come up with/nickname that has cultural roots, and my white family deciding to call my child food or caricature-based names to point out that she’s different. My H’s family calling her pepita is cute. My white family calling her Burrito or Juanita when that’s not her name is not okay with me. I don’t want her feeling ashamed of her heritage around my family or to feel like she’s an outsider compared to her white cousins.

FWIW I’d be equally upset if H’a family called her Cracker or Becky to make a point of her being half white (which they would never do, they are lovely people).

Also, it’s just downright embarrassing to have my H hear things like that. I wish my family had more tact and could filter what they say.

OP, your DH and his parents were born here. Where were their ancestors from? Many Hispanic people are white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's too bad you and your DH rushed into this marriage he should have had the opportunity meet your racist family before deciding to spend his life with you.

This. Why didn’t he get a chance to meet them? You’re married and already have a baby on the way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you know all of this before you married your husband? Surely, Your family has always been this way, not sure why you are surprised.

Not at all helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's too bad you and your DH rushed into this marriage he should have had the opportunity meet your racist family before deciding to spend his life with you.

Oh trust me on this. His family is probably more racist.

You seriously don't think minority families are racist? She only needs to talk to them privately and in a nice way.

+1

My Indian grandfather died 15 years ago but he used to say the N-word until his dying day.

I love how non-black POC are coming in to say "It's totally NDB your white family is racist against Latinos, after all, my family is anti-black!" Like yeah, no S, Sherlock, everyone is anti-black. That excuses anti-Latino racism from white people because...? Help me make the connection. Y'all should have been shutting down the anti-blackness too.

This reminds me of when my cousin was divorcing her worthless, cheating husband and my aunt (also her aunt) was like, "So, he cheated. So? She wasn't so good to him, either."

And I was like, "...and that's a good reason for them to stay married?"

My goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check your privilege Op.

If you want to fight real racism it’s not your parents excited about a Hispanic/white baby. You’re really over sensitive.

So tell them you are very sensitive and to stop all mixed heritage chatter or names. I wouldn’t throw out your racism claim, but your call.

D- troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's too bad you and your DH rushed into this marriage he should have had the opportunity meet your racist family before deciding to spend his life with you.

Oh trust me on this. His family is probably more racist.

You seriously don't think minority families are racist? She only needs to talk to them privately and in a nice way.

+1

My Indian grandfather died 15 years ago but he used to say the N-word until his dying day.

Minorities are probably worse actually.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you know all of this before you married your husband? Surely, Your family has always been this way, not sure why you are surprised.

Not at all helpful

Dp here. But it’s true. How is this the first time the OP has considered how her racist family would interact with her husband and child? I’m inclined to think this could be a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?

I faced this with my father when my son was small. My husband is Arab, and my dad would call my infant son the "screaming sheik" or talk about how badly his ears stuck out, so "maybe you should put the turban on him now."

I knew they were racist. All of my extended family is. But my dad is the only one who would say things. I resolved to leave their house immediately if any comments like that were made (we had had discussions about racist comments in my presence for years, but I was never able to change them). And I did. My father stopped saying stuff.

Clearly state boundaries and what you will do if they cross them. Follow through. Doesn't have to be with drama. I just said my goodbyes and left quietly.

[Anonymous]

Never see or talk to your racist bigoted parents and family again.

Kick them to the curb and tell them exactly why. They’re such cruel and terrible people. Your husband must be distraught and besides himself, as you must be too. I’m so sorry for your loss. But you are better than them.

[Anonymous]

Explain to them tacos are Mexican, then they'll feel stupid