Reply to Family’s insensitive/racist comments

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?[/quote]

I faced this with my father when my son was small.  My husband is Arab, and my dad would call my infant son the "screaming sheik" or talk about how badly his ears stuck out, so "maybe you should put the turban on him now."

I knew they were racist.  All of my extended family is.  But my dad is the only one who would say things.   I resolved to leave their house immediately if any comments like that were made (we had had discussions about racist comments in my presence for years, but I was never able to change them).    And I did.  My father stopped saying stuff.

Clearly state boundaries and what you will do if they cross them.   Follow through.   Doesn't have to be with drama.  I just said my goodbyes and left quietly.   [/quote]

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