Family’s insensitive/racist comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?

Is this a joke post?

Yes you’re being too sensitive. You made your point to them- you’re paranoid white guilt leftist and oversensitive, now move on.
Obsessing over this is not a good look for anyone, even a wannabe activist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is conservative and white, and doesn’t have much sensitivity when it comes to race. My H is Latino and we’re expecting our first child. My family has never met H due to COVID, and I’m currently visiting them for the first time since the pandemic started (H stayed home to save his leave for when the baby is born).

Anyway during my visit my family has been saying some concerning things. Sort of making fun of Spanish, and most concerning, were coming up with names for the baby like “Paco the Taco”. I’m now absolutely mortified to bring them around H, and I’m very worried about what our child will overhear growing up. Not to mention I feel super protective of our baby and hate her being called nicknames like that.

How should I handle this? If I say anything, I’ll be told I’m being too sensitive and it was just a joke. I also don’t know how to bring this up with H, like how do you say “I don’t think we should be around my family because they’re racist”?

Is this a joke post?

Yes you’re being too sensitive. You made your point to them- you’re paranoid white guilt leftist and oversensitive, now move on.
Obsessing over this is not a good look for anyone, even a wannabe activist.

I thought it was funny. Especially the rhyme name. If she's told them how she feels then yes time to get over it, not even a big deal by far!

[Anonymous]

These comments bother OP. She should set boundaries now before baby is born, especially if she wants to stay married.
Other PPs acting like it's no big deal are just revealing what their tacky families are like. Even racist people can keep their mouth shut sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Who decided affectionately saying how’s little Paco the Taco is “racist”? Wtf op. Wtf America.

Our Japanese and Indian couple’s kids were called Sushi & Samosa for years. My husband probably said it most of all since they were grad school friends. And no one got labeled a “racist” whilst the kids were in utero or out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who decided affectionately saying how’s little Paco the Taco is “racist”? Wtf op. Wtf America.

Our Japanese and Indian couple’s kids were called Sushi & Samosa for years. My husband probably said it most of all since they were grad school friends. And no one got labeled a “racist” whilst the kids were in utero or out.

???

[Anonymous]

There are ways to message that something is inappropriate without making it a federal case. It’s called tact and it’s a dying art in this society. But that’s what I’d recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who decided affectionately saying how’s little Paco the Taco is “racist”? Wtf op. Wtf America.

Our Japanese and Indian couple’s kids were called Sushi & Samosa for years. My husband probably said it most of all since they were grad school friends. And no one got labeled a “racist” whilst the kids were in utero or out.

I love ignorant ass people who think because they think something is funny that everybody else is being oversensitive when in reality they are too emotionally and intellectually in mature to realize how using stereotypes as a point of humor is a lacking in sensitivity and intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who decided affectionately saying how’s little Paco the Taco is “racist”? Wtf op. Wtf America.

Our Japanese and Indian couple’s kids were called Sushi & Samosa for years. My husband probably said it most of all since they were grad school friends. And no one got labeled a “racist” whilst the kids were in utero or out.

There’s a big difference between a Japanese parent affectionately calling their child Sushi, and a random white person calling the child Sushi because they think it’s funny or clever or whatever.

Context matters. My H calling me “babe” or “sweetie” is fine. My FIL or boss or random guy on the street? Not okay to call me that.

[Anonymous]

Please stay in your safe space bubble. And definitely don’t travel to Central America or South America or Mexico or Africa or Asia or the Mideast. If you do, just wear your air pods and listen to Kumbaya songs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who decided affectionately saying how’s little Paco the Taco is “racist”? Wtf op. Wtf America.

Our Japanese and Indian couple’s kids were called Sushi & Samosa for years. My husband probably said it most of all since they were grad school friends. And no one got labeled a “racist” whilst the kids were in utero or out.

There’s a big difference between a Japanese parent affectionately calling their child Sushi, and a random white person calling the child Sushi because they think it’s funny or clever or whatever.

Context matters. My H calling me “babe” or “sweetie” is fine. My FIL or boss or random guy on the street? Not okay to call me that.

If the kids are okay being called that, I don't see the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya OP. My brother and his wife have made racist jokes for years and I often bristled/ told them it wasn’t funny.

When we adopted our beautiful DC of color, they continued to make racist jokes for a short time until I called them out privately. I told them firmly that they were now an aunt and uncle to a person of color and the racist jokes had to stop. Happily, they have. Plus they were very welcoming to our child when they met her.

Our oldest child’s spouse comes from a family who apparently used to make a lot of racist remarks. Our child’s spouse talked to them about the challenges of multiracial families and their obligation to exercise their Christian values of showing generosity and love (insert whatever faith since all world religions call for the Golden Rule). They were also very welcoming with our youngest DC when they met her and continue to show kind interest in her.

I think a mixture of setting boundaries making clear that you will Not tolerate disrespect for your loved ones of color and being open to forging positive relationships works - as long as they have ears to hear and hearts to change.

.

This

[Anonymous]

Good luck Op, you’re really devoted to this new cause .

[Anonymous]

OP, I want to side with you, but your post has a couple of red flags. 1) your family hasn’t met your husband., not even on zoom? That to me already sounds tacky and sketch. If true, it doesn’t look good on the husband. What type of person is okay marrying someone without getting to know their family? 2) you said you are “mortified” to talk to your husband about what transpired, but in reality you sound scared, why can’t you be open and transparent with your HUSBAND?

About your issue, I am not concluding that what your family said was offensive or not because what matters is that it bothered you. So you should say something. I don’t agree with other PPs who want you to blast your family. A measured response or like others expressed a witty response may be sufficient to send the message. If that doesn’t work, then you can be more direct and short.

Finally, as a Latina I was offended…( just kidding😁) really just rolled my eyes when you called your future child biracial and your family racist against your husband for being Latino. Please! You sound like you get high on being a victim. Latinos are not one race, we come in all different ‘races’ skin tones and facial features, we are Caucasian, black Asian, but mostly descendants of Spaniards and Latin American Natives. Unless your husband’ skin tone and facial features are drastically different than yours, your child WONT be a biracial baby. People won’t even notice or care. Your child won’t be even bicultural as you already said your husband and his parents were born in the US. I hope 🤞 i’m wrong but your post seems like a white woman's attempt to miss appropriate another’s group legitimate pain and sorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I want to side with you, but your post has a couple of red flags. 1) your family hasn’t met your husband., not even on zoom? That to me already sounds tacky and sketch. If true, it doesn’t look good on the husband. What type of person is okay marrying someone without getting to know their family? 2) you said you are “mortified” to talk to your husband about what transpired, but in reality you sound scared, why can’t you be open and transparent with your HUSBAND?

About your issue, I am not concluding that what your family said was offensive or not because what matters is that it bothered you. So you should say something. I don’t agree with other PPs who want you to blast your family. A measured response or like others expressed a witty response may be sufficient to send the message. If that doesn’t work, then you can be more direct and short.

Finally, as a Latina I was offended…( just kidding😁) really just rolled my eyes when you called your future child biracial and your family racist against your husband for being Latino. Please! You sound like you get high on being a victim. Latinos are not one race, we come in all different ‘races’ skin tones and facial features, we are Caucasian, black Asian, but mostly descendants of Spaniards and Latin American Natives. Unless your husband’ skin tone and facial features are drastically different than yours, your child WONT be a biracial baby. People won’t even notice or care. Your child won’t be even bicultural as you already said your husband and his parents were born in the US. I hope 🤞 i’m wrong but your post seems like a white woman's attempt to miss appropriate another’s group legitimate pain and sorrow.

Also a Latina, who labels myself white (because the majority of Latinos do even if they have a non-white skin shade) but definitely mestizo - I had to warn my very white DH to prepare himself for brown-skinned babies. I also wonder where you grew up - I grew up in an area of the US with a large Latino population and everyone could recognize Latino features, so yes, people knew who was Latino. My kids look Latino to me, even though one of them is quite light-skinned. If OPs DH is dark skinned, their kids might not pass for white.

I think what the OPs parents said was awful. It’s not just that they are making stupid name jokes, but Paco Taco - really, all they know about Latin culture is Mexican food? That wouldn’t even make sense for the majority of Latin people, who don’t eat tacos. It’s racist because it shows how much they stereotype Latinos.

My parents don’t make jokes like that about my kids, and I would be so hurt if my ILs had said anything like what OP’s family did. If they did say something, I think my DH would tell them it is really hurtful to me to say it (no one likes to be accused of being racist) and for them to stop. Even if they didn’t understand, I think my ILs would try to stop if they knew it upset me.

Honestly, my ILs do say racist things. I still think they are good (racist) people who are a product of their times. They are almost 80, my kids are still young (oldest is 7) and I think there is a decent chance they will die before my kids are old enough to understand the racist stuff they say (I don’t mean I want my ILs to die, just that they don’t live a very healthy lifestyle so doubt they will make it into their late 80s).