How to endure this cousin situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

This sounds like a you problem OP. Go out to vehicle we’ll before you need to leave and pull the buckle out more. Or don’t even let DS start back in the last row so he’s not crying. The kids ages are too far apart for them to get along right now, especially if the cousin is more mature for his age and your DS is less mature for his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him.

The nephew is 9, this is ridiculous advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Sorry OP, but you sound like you are raising a brat.

[Anonymous]

You aren't being fair to the 10 year old. A 10 year olds needs/play is very different than a 6 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Sorry OP, but you sound like you are raising a brat.

An adult needs to help buckle him. Sounds like a parenting issue. BUT, your six year old should still b win a booster seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to force the cousin to play with your son. That’s too big of an age gap and the nephew isn’t interested. Entertain your own kid.

I explained bug kids sometimes don’t like to play with younger kids. He’s fine with that. He’s resourceful and actually calls his same-age cousin from DH’s side of the family and they play online together. It’s the purposeful rejection that hurts DS, like they will both be in the cousin’s room on their own devices and nephew will pull out headphones to avoid interaction.

When my 10 year old does something like that to his younger brother, I tell younger DS to go find something to else do to and to give his brother some space. My kids have a ton of close-in age neighborhood friends and I see this dynamic play out with all of them. I tell them that no one is required to play with anyone else but all must be respectful and kind (eg, you dont leave out one kid if group play is happening). OP, your nephew seems like a typical 10 year old and you are foisting on him an unfair level of responsibility for engaging and entertaining your son. It isn't unkind if your nephew isn't interested in playing with your son and it is developmentally appropriate (albeit perhaps something to redirect) for the nephew to highlight that he may be better than his cousin at certain activities. I know it can be difficult these days but you and your son would benefit greatly from having a group of friends for him to play with and for you to observe and learn from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him.

The nephew is 9, this is ridiculous advice.

Agree, this is a child who is older. He sounds age appropriate. OP sounds like a bully and very domineering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

This sounds like a you problem OP. Go out to vehicle we’ll before you need to leave and pull the buckle out more. Or don’t even let DS start back in the last row so he’s not crying. The kids ages are too far apart for them to get along right now, especially if the cousin is more mature for his age and your DS is less mature for his age.

Most kids have "assigned" or preferred seats in their cars. If that's where he normally sits, he may not know or think about. This is a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him.

The nephew is 9, this is ridiculous advice.

Agree, this is a child who is older. He sounds age appropriate. OP sounds like a bully and very domineering.

+1

OP sounds inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him.

I mean, OP is kind of an unreliable narrator here. She's attributing a lot of stuff to spite that might just be the age difference. It's normal for a parent to feel protective of her child, but I'm sensing that we'd get a VERY different story from the other child's parents.

This may just be a case where both kids are fine, and acting in an age appropriate manner, but they are not well suited as playmates.

Yeah, I was a little weirded out that the OP said she set her son up to draw Thor - why can't she just let him draw whatever he wants and figure it out on his own. Clearly he's got some sort of Ipad so he can look up what Thor looks like without Mommy "setting him up". But I was trying to assume the best. It sounded to me that they're on vacation for the holidays staying with the cousins.

[Anonymous]

Are you visiting for a few days or do they see each other often? Why.are you setting them up to do things together? The age difference is too great.

[Anonymous]

OP, you remind me of the parents of toddlers at the playground who get super mad at the preschoolers who are being too rough around your kid.

In a couple years you will see that this is very typical behavior for a 10 year old. Tweenagers are a-holes, I am sorry to say. Personally, I wouldn’t have any problem calling out mean behavior, particularly if it were my nephew. But if you aren’t going to speak up and say “Hey nephew, Timmy has really wanted to sit in that seat, I know it’s a bit silly but can you let him sit there in the way back?” then you’re just going to have to deal. It sounds like we’re talking about a 1st grader and 5th grader? That’s just not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Your nephew's behavior is selfish but normal. If your SIL won't say something there is not much you can do. It's too bad he is not more nurturing, but, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Your kid needs to toughen up. Forcing the older cousin to be that involved is stupid. You seriously think you can “set up” a 10yo to draw? Nope nope nope, he is too old to be micromanaged like he is 6. So he resents your trying to treat him like he is 6, and takes it out on your kid because that bothers you.

You are the problem here, he’s just a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

This sounds like a you problem OP. Go out to vehicle we’ll before you need to leave and pull the buckle out more. Or don’t even let DS start back in the last row so he’s not crying. The kids ages are too far apart for them to get along right now, especially if the cousin is more mature for his age and your DS is less mature for his age.

Most kids have "assigned" or preferred seats in their cars. If that's where he normally sits, he may not know or think about. This is a child.

Exactly, this is the cousin’s parent’s car per OP. So if OP’s son wants to sit in the back twig cousin OP needs to deal with the seatbelt. Cousin is sitting in his own car.