How to endure this cousin situation
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| DS is 6-almost-7 (next month). Nephew will be 10 in May. They enjoy playing a little but ultimately nephew is too mature and also personality has always been a loner. However this is all taking a terrible toll on DS. DS has his iPad so he can deal when nephew doesn’t want to play, but sometimes (often) nephew won’t play literally out of spite bc he knows it makes DS feel bad. When we set them up to do something together like art, nephew goes out of his way to show how much better he is. For example, I set DS up to draw Thor, and nephew then also decided to draw (a much better) Thor. If DS pets the cat, nephew has to show how the cat will come to him and likes him better. Nephew is bigger, older, and smarter than DS, plus we’re in his house. Nephew just seems to love lording over DS how much better he is at every stupid thing. DS is enduring but having a terrible time. |
Anonymous
| Stop trying to force the cousin to play with your son. That’s too big of an age gap and the nephew isn’t interested. Entertain your own kid. |
Anonymous
| This is pretty normal for siblings so your nephew is probably happy to have a younger person to feel superior too. This is where you tell your son that older people are more experienced and may not make the best playmates. Then play with your kid. |
Anonymous
Yes, too big of an age gap especially for boys |
Anonymous
| Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him. |
Anonymous
| Does your 6-almost-7yo really care if his cousin draws a better Thor than he does? Or do you? From your post, OP, it sounds like you're deeply annoyed by your nephew. Kids can be competitive with one another. So what? Good parents just ignore it. |
Anonymous
| That’s sad but also a tale as old as time. Your nephew could be nice to his little cousin but he’s not. Maybe he can teach your son something, which would mean everyone acknowledges his expertise. Otherwise maybe they can just watch a movie together or something. And as PP said, that’s a big age gap at those ages, and your nephew isn’t into it. The younger kid always wants to hang out with the older kid. It’s sad your son is so bummed, but there’s not much you can do. |
Anonymous
| Why are you getting the together so much? |
Anonymous
|
This is not your nephew's fault. He's 10. He needs:
1. His own space, instead of being forced to interact with a younger kid. And occasionally... 2. To be guided into play by an adult, and reminded that he can't just flex like that. YOU can be that adult, if his parents aren't doing their jobs. |
Anonymous
Sounds like a slightly strange dynamic to me do you guys live at his house? I wonder if he resents it. But yeah a 10 year old is not going to pretend to have the same abilities as a 6 year old. It takes a ton of training to get older siblings not to lord over the younger ones so this may be difficult for a while. Try to find a lot of friends his own age instead. |
Anonymous
| Stop trying to make fetch happen. |
Anonymous
|
Your nephew is in a totally different phase than your son. If he was my kid, I'd be making him play a little nicer with his cousin, but I also think you sound like you're overly focused on your kid's experience. Let them work out their own relationship. And maybe its never a good one, but your DS needs to learn how to navigate people outside of your intervention. And that might mean watching him be disappointed and hurt and then talking to him about what tools he has.
"Sammy, Jack doesn't have to play with you, and it doesn't seem like he's being very nice, so maybe you shouldn't want to play with him either, would you like to <insert activity> instead. Instead of framing this has how to change your nephew, frame it as how to give your son the tools to deal with a kid that doesn't want to play with him. We can only control ourselves, not the people around us, and this is an important life lesson. All that said, if I saw the kid being actively mean to my kid I'd call them out on it. This is your nephew right? I would just say, 'Hey Jack you're really making Sammy feel bad, if you don't want to play give him some space but there is no reason to be mean.' |
Anonymous
| It seems like you ascribe a lot of bad motives to cousins behavior. Doesn’t play out of spite to make him feel bad rather than doesn’t want to play with a little kid. Goes out of his way to draw a better Thor to show how much better his is instead of drawing to his age level which IS better because, well that’s what people do when they are doing an art project. |
Anonymous
| You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child. |
Anonymous
I explained bug kids sometimes don’t like to play with younger kids. He’s fine with that. He’s resourceful and actually calls his same-age cousin from DH’s side of the family and they play online together. It’s the purposeful rejection that hurts DS, like they will both be in the cousin’s room on their own devices and nephew will pull out headphones to avoid interaction. |