How to endure this cousin situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell nephew that someone who's TRULY mature and smart, would NEVER try to make someone else feel little or stupid. Ask how he'd feel if each time he went to do something you showed him up since you're faster, smarter, taller, etc. than him.

I mean, OP is kind of an unreliable narrator here. She's attributing a lot of stuff to spite that might just be the age difference. It's normal for a parent to feel protective of her child, but I'm sensing that we'd get a VERY different story from the other child's parents.

This may just be a case where both kids are fine, and acting in an age appropriate manner, but they are not well suited as playmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to force the cousin to play with your son. That’s too big of an age gap and the nephew isn’t interested. Entertain your own kid.

I explained bug kids sometimes don’t like to play with younger kids. He’s fine with that. He’s resourceful and actually calls his same-age cousin from DH’s side of the family and they play online together. It’s the purposeful rejection that hurts DS, like they will both be in the cousin’s room on their own devices and nephew will pull out headphones to avoid interaction.

Because he wants his own space. Again - entertain your own kid and stop picking on your newphew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to force the cousin to play with your son. That’s too big of an age gap and the nephew isn’t interested. Entertain your own kid.

I explained bug kids sometimes don’t like to play with younger kids. He’s fine with that. He’s resourceful and actually calls his same-age cousin from DH’s side of the family and they play online together. It’s the purposeful rejection that hurts DS, like they will both be in the cousin’s room on their own devices and nephew will pull out headphones to avoid interaction.

Because he wants his own space. Again - entertain your own kid and stop picking on your newphew.

+1

I’m starting to really pity the nephew, who seems like the one most at risk here, as a child being targeted inappropriately by his aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Time for you to go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Do you understand that you have a SIL/BIL problem here? Why do you continue to criticize a CHILD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Yes, you are demonizing. This example shows it.

You should stay away from your nephew, for his sake. As for your child, he is picking up on your animosity to his cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Why do you have to buckle your six year old? Nephew can sit wherever he wants in his own car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

You use your words and say “hey, we’re going to alternate sitting in the center third row seat”. One kid gets it the way there and one gets it the way back.

Or you say, “Nephew, I can’t buckle the side buckle. Can you move to the side seat?”

Or you say, “Nephew, I can’t buckle the side buckle. Can you help?”

You don’t assume that the nephew is targeting your son. How do you know he doesn’t like sitting there, too? You do assume that kids sometimes need a bit of refereeing with regard to sharing.

And it’s crazy to think that your nephew’s “better” drawing is an intentional slam on your son.

There’s someone super competitive here and it ain’t your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

You are just showing more and more your dislike and propensity for ascribing bad motives to a little kids perfectly normal actions. You told your kid no, he couldn’t sit in the third row because he can’t buckle his own seatbelt. So, cousin who can, goes to the furthest empty seat leaving the more forward easier to access seats for others. That’s what kids do and probably what his parents taught him to do. Yet you say it’s to provoke your child. Your view of this child is really sad. And if it were my kid, I’d go buckle him in even though it’s hard to get to since it’s so important to him. How hard it that really?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Why do you have to buckle your six year old? Nephew can sit wherever he wants in his own car.

Yeah, OP is totally wrong here. Poor nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

You are just showing more and more your dislike and propensity for ascribing bad motives to a little kids perfectly normal actions. You told your kid no, he couldn’t sit in the third row because he can’t buckle his own seatbelt. So, cousin who can, goes to the furthest empty seat leaving the more forward easier to access seats for others. That’s what kids do and probably what his parents taught him to do. Yet you say it’s to provoke your child. Your view of this child is really sad. And if it were my kid, I’d go buckle him in even though it’s hard to get to since it’s so important to him. How hard it that really?!

+1

OP is way, way out of line.

[Anonymous]

It's very common for parents of only children to overestimate the maturity of any child older than their own.

A 10 year old is still a child, OP, and a child can sit in whatever seat his parents allow him to sit in IN HIS OWN D*MN CAR.

Similarly, a 10 year old can draw whatever he wants in his own house.

You are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are weirdly and inappropriately demonizing a ten-year-old child.

Not demonizing just identifying that the relationship is hurtful to DS. Another example- they have a three row vehicle and DS is obsessed with the idea of riding in the back row. It’s all he talks about. I always tell him know bc it’s hard for me to get back there and the buckle for one seat belt sits really low and is hard to do. Nephew knows DS wants to sit back there so nephew goes back there and sits in the “easy” to buckle seat. We can’t get the tricky one to click so I tell DS he has to come back to the middle row. DS is so sad about it that he starts crying, meanwhile nephew sits in the third row contentedly while SIL says nothing.

Have you said to SIL "Rebecca, I know it's a little silly but Larlo is dying to ride in the far backseat of your van. Can you ask Octavius to move to the left side so I can get Larlo buckled in on the right? Thank you so much. And thank you, Larlo, that's very kind of you to move."

Otherwise, it sounds like nephew needs space. I understand that it's annoying when he is purposefully mean, but just keep it in mind next time you visit that you don't have a built in playmate. Just treat nephew like you would the neighborhood bully. Your kid has to be nice, but quietly discourage interaction. And tell your kid privately "That was nice of you to invite Octavius to play. I'm not sure why he was so grouchy about it, but I was proud of how kind you were. Why don't you and I do a puzzle together now."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are basically forcing your nephew to babysit your son while you visit with his parents, and your nephew resents it.