Getting over Covid Fights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

She's upset because boyfriend didn't share her anxiety about how risky Covid was for some young 30 somethings. Not that he wasn't following guidelines or the rules. He had a different risk assessment. They simply aren't on the same page and she doesn't want to get over it. So, breaking up is the only thing she can do.

The literal post is about how to get over it, you just want to be an ass.

[Anonymous]

The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

Now it sounds like you are just making things up. If he actually did say this to you, which I doubt, I would see that as a deal breaker. Him dictating values to you, which involve YOU wanting to spend time every week with HIS family. Huh? Ridiculous.

I am not making it up. Family is important to him, and part of being in a relationship with someone involves spending time with their family. This is verbatim what he said to me.

OP, it sounds like you did the best you could during an extremely stressful time and now you've got a bit more bandwidth to take it all in and think about it. Use this time to consider whether you'd be ok with this kind of response from your future husband if you are experiencing stress that he doesn't empathize with or consider important? Covid was what shed light on it, but I would be very surprised if he responded to you like that only for something covid-related. Will you be ok with someone dismissing something important to you if it's not important to him? Will you be ok with him talking like that with children you might have together? Were these instances out of character for him, or are you getting to know him better and seeing more about how he acts?

Regardless of what his professional duties were, the way he talked with you about them (and family gatherings) was unkind and unfair. I can be super annoying sometimes and also have unreasonable anxieties, but my husband would never talk to me that way, even if he's annoyed. I believe you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

She's upset because boyfriend didn't share her anxiety about how risky Covid was for some young 30 somethings. Not that he wasn't following guidelines or the rules. He had a different risk assessment. They simply aren't on the same page and she doesn't want to get over it. So, breaking up is the only thing she can do.

The literal post is about how to get over it, you just want to be an ass.

I didn't say she had to get over it. She doesn't want to and if that's the case then move on. She doesn't have to take being disrespected. This isn't a hard decision. It's not about the Covid BS although some want to focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

OP We make the same, so that's not it. And desperation seems harsh. We've been together three years so I do love him, obviously, but I also have concerns about what if I can't find anyone at my age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

She's upset because boyfriend didn't share her anxiety about how risky Covid was for some young 30 somethings. Not that he wasn't following guidelines or the rules. He had a different risk assessment. They simply aren't on the same page and she doesn't want to get over it. So, breaking up is the only thing she can do.

The literal post is about how to get over it, you just want to be an ass.

I didn't say she had to get over it. She doesn't want to and if that's the case then move on. She doesn't have to take being disrespected. This isn't a hard decision. It's not about the Covid BS although some want to focus on that.

I didn't say you did. I said that she literally asked about how to get over it. she didn't say "I refuse to get over it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

OP We make the same, so that's not it. And desperation seems harsh. We've been together three years so I do love him, obviously, but I also have concerns about what if I can't find anyone at my age.

It's not going to get better with this guy. What happens next is you'll get married, have a kid or two, and realize the problems still exist. And you'll be single again sharing custody of your kids. It should be better than this at this stage. You aren't even married yet. Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

She's upset because boyfriend didn't share her anxiety about how risky Covid was for some young 30 somethings. Not that he wasn't following guidelines or the rules. He had a different risk assessment. They simply aren't on the same page and she doesn't want to get over it. So, breaking up is the only thing she can do.

The literal post is about how to get over it, you just want to be an ass.

I didn't say she had to get over it. She doesn't want to and if that's the case then move on. She doesn't have to take being disrespected. This isn't a hard decision. It's not about the Covid BS although some want to focus on that.

I didn't say you did. I said that she literally asked about how to get over it. she didn't say "I refuse to get over it."

Who TF cares? This isn't a case of meant to be together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

OP We make the same, so that's not it. And desperation seems harsh. We've been together three years so I do love him, obviously, but I also have concerns about what if I can't find anyone at my age.

OP, how come you aren’t engaged yet? I think that’s telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

OP We make the same, so that's not it. And desperation seems harsh. We've been together three years so I do love him, obviously, but I also have concerns about what if I can't find anyone at my age.

OP, how come you aren’t engaged yet? I think that’s telling.

Will you stop? She says they've been dating three years. That's fairly normal these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue here is not that he had different COVID safety feelings than you did. It's that he doesn't see your feelings as equal to his own. You sound incompatible in a number of ways and it sounds like you should break up for that reason. It is not going to get better with his extended family. His public health safety feelings are not going to change to be more like yours - if anything, he probably already agrees with his family and will change to be more like that.

You are not compatible. If you're staying for money or desperation, recognize that the things you are upset about right now are not going to get any better, period.

OP We make the same, so that's not it. And desperation seems harsh. We've been together three years so I do love him, obviously, but I also have concerns about what if I can't find anyone at my age.

OP, how come you aren’t engaged yet? I think that’s telling.

OP The plan is to get engaged this year now that covid is over. Not sure I want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

This is four thousand times worse than your initial complaint that he felt like he needed to put in face time at work happy hours. This is not a person to build a life with. Your family doesn't count at all here, do you notice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet everything worked out. Maybe you were too uptight in hindsight?

And when his parents **insert any boundary crossing in laws from "family relationships** he'll tell you that you knew what they were like before. It doesn't have to be like this.

You should feel heard and respected by your partner. If he can't do that, find someone who can. Don't lower you standards.

OP Actually what annoys me post-covid is that he has started to admit his father was dismissive of covid precautions. Like...yeah, I know, I dealt with it for a year and a half.

But you went along with it. You realized you had anxiety, why should your partner drop everything and just stay home to placate you? That's not fair to him either. Sounds like you are two very different people and just just part ways. You're both selfish in your own ways and should find other people more similarly minded.

I disagree. OP, he put your health at risk. There may have been a way for him to mitigate this by saying, OK I understand if you don’t want to visit my family given their practices around COVID. I do want to keep seeing them so I will quarantine/mask and test afterwards (for example). But that’s not what he did. It was his way or the highway.

Honestly this guy sounds immature in terms of how much he’s willing to give in a relationship. I hope you seriously consider whether this is worth it. I had my first child in my mid 30s. You still have time to find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet everything worked out. Maybe you were too uptight in hindsight?

And when his parents **insert any boundary crossing in laws from "family relationships** he'll tell you that you knew what they were like before. It doesn't have to be like this.

You should feel heard and respected by your partner. If he can't do that, find someone who can. Don't lower you standards.

OP Actually what annoys me post-covid is that he has started to admit his father was dismissive of covid precautions. Like...yeah, I know, I dealt with it for a year and a half.

But you went along with it. You realized you had anxiety, why should your partner drop everything and just stay home to placate you? That's not fair to him either. Sounds like you are two very different people and just just part ways. You're both selfish in your own ways and should find other people more similarly minded.

I disagree. OP, he put your health at risk. There may have been a way for him to mitigate this by saying, OK I understand if you don’t want to visit my family given their practices around COVID. I do want to keep seeing them so I will quarantine/mask and test afterwards (for example). But that’s not what he did. It was his way or the highway.

Honestly this guy sounds immature in terms of how much he’s willing to give in a relationship. I hope you seriously consider whether this is worth it. I had my first child in my mid 30s. You still have time to find someone else.

How is that not going along with it? That's what OP did. And now she's realizing she's not sure about the future of this relationship. Which, by the way, sounds like its DOA. People seem to want to cast blame here but the fact is these people are simply incompatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

I don't see where the OP's SO was being disrespectful or dismissive of OP. He said didn't want to do it, but needed to for work. Given that they are not married, I can understand his prioritizing his career. What happens to his career if she dumps him, as many on this board are advising her to do? If they were married I could kind of see making a decision that might harm your career for your spouse.

BTW OP, Covid is far from over.