Getting over Covid Fights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

Trust what that little voice is trying to tell you. You have plenty of child bearing years ahead of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

I don't see where the OP's SO was being disrespectful or dismissive of OP. He said didn't want to do it, but needed to for work. Given that they are not married, I can understand his prioritizing his career. What happens to his career if she dumps him, as many on this board are advising her to do? If they were married I could kind of see making a decision that might harm your career for your spouse.

BTW OP, Covid is far from over.

She is a vaccinated 30yo with no children. It’s over for her. Or do you want her to keep being anxious so you can call her hysterical.

Unfortunately, that's not the way pandemics work. She may be at little risk of serious illness, but if she hasn't had a booster she can still get infected and infect someone else who may not be vaccinated, be elderly, poor immune system, etc. And that person can infect someone and so on. "Over" would imply she doesn't need to take any precautions or worry about interacting with others, masking and the like. She should still think about these things, she doesn't have to hide under the bed, if only to help protect others.

Are you a guy? It sounds like you and the OP should get together. You can have date nights where you hide under your bed together as the years just keep on rolling by...

Yeah, okay, so just to be clear, this person's response is nowhere near the same as the original poster's, which was "I was scared before I was vaccinated but now I don't wear a mask unless asked." So, I know you're probably just a covid-denying provocateur, but I actually think op is less hysterical than this person. Calm down, Megyn Kelly, calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

Trust what that little voice is trying to tell you. You have plenty of child bearing years ahead of you.

If you have kids, sooner or later, they will have a fever. It might be nice to have a husband that doesn't get hysterical easily, bring a little balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

This is the deal breaker. Your entire marriage will be this way. He could have just told them you were not comfortable with the indoor visits at that time.

Anything regarding his family will have to go his way. Holidays? His way. His mom in the delivery room? His way. And on and on. Run!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

This is the deal breaker. Your entire marriage will be this way. He could have just told them you were not comfortable with the indoor visits at that time.

Anything regarding his family will have to go his way. Holidays? His way. His mom in the delivery room? His way. And on and on. Run!!!

This.
And as another poster noted, this is a bigger deal than the Happy Hours.
You, your concerns, etc. will always be second to his career, his family, and probably a bunch of other things in his life.
An important question for you to ask yourself, OP: Why were you ok with this treatment? If it is truly because you don't think that you will be able to find anyone else and have kids then ask yourself what about when he treats the kids this way? Are you soo scared of not having kids that you will settle for someone who might not treat them as badly as he treated you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this thread:

1/3 of posters: “OP IS HYSTERICAL.”

1/3 of posters: “I don’t think we should place any blame but op is hysterical.”

1/3 of posters: *actually hysterical*

Best post of the day . . . .