Getting over Covid Fights

[Anonymous]

Why settle at 30? If you were 35-40, maybe I'd say settle, but 30 is young enough you can move on quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

Now it sounds like you are just making things up. If he actually did say this to you, which I doubt, I would see that as a deal breaker. Him dictating values to you, which involve YOU wanting to spend time every week with HIS family. Huh? Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet everything worked out. Maybe you were too uptight in hindsight?

And when his parents **insert any boundary crossing in laws from "family relationships** he'll tell you that you knew what they were like before. It doesn't have to be like this.

You should feel heard and respected by your partner. If he can't do that, find someone who can. Don't lower you standards.

OP Actually what annoys me post-covid is that he has started to admit his father was dismissive of covid precautions. Like...yeah, I know, I dealt with it for a year and a half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

Now it sounds like you are just making things up. If he actually did say this to you, which I doubt, I would see that as a deal breaker. Him dictating values to you, which involve YOU wanting to spend time every week with HIS family. Huh? Ridiculous.

I am not making it up. Family is important to him, and part of being in a relationship with someone involves spending time with their family. This is verbatim what he said to me.

[Anonymous]

Red flags all over the place, especially the part about seeing the family every week. Here’s the thing OP, this doesn’t mean either of you are bad people, but it does mean you are incompatible. Always listen to your gut feelings.

[Anonymous]

He is not a match for you and you with your extreme anxiety are also not a match for him. I fully understand why a healthy young person in his late twenties or early thirties with no children would prioritize his career and happy hours with his c suite bosses over Covid. You guys are better broken up.

[Anonymous]

You are dumb and hysterical, and you should do him a favor and move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are dumb and hysterical, and you should do him a favor and move out.

And he is selfish and uncaring and she would be better off without him.

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being 30 have to do with it? If he doesn't respect you, bye!

SHe wants kids and think he may her last shot.

OP, I think you wrong on this. If he had said staying in the house with extreme precautions made him uncomfortable, would you have started going out more to make him happy? No, right? You'd base your activities on your own risk assessment? That's what he did.

OP I did have to go out more! I did wind up having to see his extended family every week (because he claimed they were cautious - his grandparents are insane rightwingers and were in fact, not cautious!) and he didn't protect me enough! He'd claim that his family had been so, so cautious that week and then I'd see them on the weekend and his father would announce they'd gone to an indoor wedding, and my bf was pretty much like, "What do you want from me?"

Why did you go? Why did you keep going every week?
I'm seeing several red flags, from both your behaviors'. You giving in and feeling resentful + him never acceding to your requests --> nobody very happy.

OP he pretty much told me that if I didn't see his family every week, it would indicate we don't have similar values. His family is very important to him. Because of this, they needed to be important to me.

I think that is the point.

Now it sounds like you are just making things up. If he actually did say this to you, which I doubt, I would see that as a deal breaker. Him dictating values to you, which involve YOU wanting to spend time every week with HIS family. Huh? Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

Why the hell are you living with anyone for "a couple of years, at this point," when you are 30 years old? It's time to make up your mind one way or the other about this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet everything worked out. Maybe you were too uptight in hindsight?

And when his parents **insert any boundary crossing in laws from "family relationships** he'll tell you that you knew what they were like before. It doesn't have to be like this.

You should feel heard and respected by your partner. If he can't do that, find someone who can. Don't lower you standards.

OP Actually what annoys me post-covid is that he has started to admit his father was dismissive of covid precautions. Like...yeah, I know, I dealt with it for a year and a half.

But you went along with it. You realized you had anxiety, why should your partner drop everything and just stay home to placate you? That's not fair to him either. Sounds like you are two very different people and just just part ways. You're both selfish in your own ways and should find other people more similarly minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had very bad covid anxiety. Post-vaccine, it has gotten much better and I'm pretty much back to normal except for wearing a mask when required by a business.

However, I think I resent my significant other for some things he did last year that I deemed unsafe, both at the time and still in hindsight. For example, frequent work happy hours. His boss would frequently host these indoor happy hours at restaurants (because that's what he was comfortable with) and invite the C-suite level leadership - so my SO felt obligated to go make an appearance. I specifically remember during an argument once, when I told him I was uncomfortable with this, he basically said he wasn't thrilled about it but that he needed to for work. Anyway, we have been living together for a couple of years at this point, and now that covid is over, I kind of just want to move on but I also kind of think he's not the one if he couldn't see it from my perspective and just stay home, and maybe I should move out? But I'm 30, so that factors in as well.

Why the hell are you living with anyone for "a couple of years, at this point," when you are 30 years old? It's time to make up your mind one way or the other about this guy.

Nanna?

[Anonymous]

Covid was definitely a catalyst for issues in our relationship. For many reasons, not the least being that it put a much finer point on some of our core values that we thought we shared. We're still married and are working through all these things (13 years so different than your situation) but I think there is a point that you have to ask yourself if your core values add up.

It can feel like/come off as a judgment about those values but in the end it matters if you think you can coexist with different core values or not. As people age they only cling to their own values perspectives harder.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone needs to be so nasty to op. She did what she felt she needed to do to protect herself pre-vaccine. This all happened prior to her being vaccinated. If she were saying "Yeah I'm vaccinated and boosted and I still don't want him to leave the house" I'd say yes, you're hysterical, but following Public Health guidelines in 2020 is bare minimum.

She's upset because boyfriend didn't share her anxiety about how risky Covid was for some young 30 somethings. Not that he wasn't following guidelines or the rules. He had a different risk assessment. They simply aren't on the same page and she doesn't want to get over it. So, breaking up is the only thing she can do.