Terrified of being an older mom

[Anonymous]

In most urban areas that is a normal age to have kids, so you'll have plenty of peers in the same stage of life. I had mine at 33, 35, and 38, and that was consistent with all of my friends. You'll be fine. Start exercising more.

[Anonymous]

35 is not old at all. you'll be fine and if you are already tired, you are doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The newborn phase is not forever. (though other phases may be tiring) Hopefully "older" means you have some money. Outsourse everything you can and just enjoy your child.

Toddler phase is the worst IMO

It starts to get less physically demanding around 4.5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can suffer from a lack or an excess of energy at any age. Address that first. I was in a much better place with my 2nd at 39 than I was with my first at 35, but both were healthy, typical pregnancies.

+1

I have been vitamin D deficient and it caused exhaustion and fatigue. After taking prescription vitamin D I feel much better. OP should check in with her doctor.

[Anonymous]

I was 41 when I had DD, and I don’t think I’m any more tired than the younger moms I know. I also tend to feel more relaxed about a lot of things, maybe because I’ve learned that they don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Whether you are younger or older having a kid is scary. There is no getting around that.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 29 and my third at 41. The actual births were all different and the kids all very different, but otherwise, the joy and usual ups and downs have all been remarkably similar. But I'm generally a very upbeat, optimistic person. I think that matters.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a physical. This isn’t normal.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. But the way I looked at it was what I'd rather be a mom but older or not a mom at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a physical. This isn’t normal.

+1, this may be a physical issue or a mental health issue. Please get checked out before TTC.

[Anonymous]

Start working out now. At first, it will sap your energy and you'll be even more exhausted, but after a couple of months, you'll realize working out GIVES you energy. Keep working out through your pregnancy. My SIL gave birth to her second at 43. He's almost two, and last night she went to an adult ballet class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 32 when I had my first. Several of my coworkers were also having their first, at age 35+. I felt like the "baby" mother.

I had my first at 31 and was called a “young mom” constantly.

My friend had her first at 28 and was basically treated like a teen mom.

I had my first at 27 and most of the parents in my son’s class are about a decade older than me. You’ll be fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the others that you’re not old, but I also wanted to say I was surprised that I had *more* energy after having a baby. I was 32 and generally pretty low-energy before baby. Pretty lazy, to be honest. Having a kid forced me to wake up early, go on walks, take her to activities, and in general just made me more active. I find I have way more energy after going on a hike than after laying around watching TV for hours. And the newborn stage sleep deprivation is rough but short.

+1

There is something to the idea of kids keeping you young. In addition to being more generally active because I’m doing stuff with my kid, I eat and sleep better than I did pre-kid. I was five years older than PP but had a similar experience. Also, I had a really tough pregnancy (not age related, I had HG and then got a pinched nerve due to hip displacement— it was a very unpleasant, uncomfortable pregnancy but not a dangerous one) so once I got through the immediate post partum recovery, I felt so much better than I had in pregnancy. So a lot of it fit me was just kind of a new lease on life and enjoying being able to be active and feel good again. I didn’t even care so much about weight loss, it was just exciting to be able to walk and eat without pain and nausea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. I had my baby at 41. I thought she’d come a lot earlier but I got married at 32 then went to grad school and started a new career then we had fertility issues. I am so incredibly thankful I got the opportunity to be a mother that I don’t even think about my age. Sure I wish she’d come around a few years earlier but it doesn’t really matter. And there are all the positives others have said. It’ll be fine!

This is me. I was just so thankful to become a mom at 42 and it really helped with the attitude with which I approached the majority of highs, lows, and the more often in-betweens. Every milestone I was fairly confident would be my last as a mom, so I really tried to appreciate it all.

I had friends who had children when they were younger and they were absolutely mystified as to why I never complained or resented the upside-down that my life had become. I just never felt the need to complain and found the energy from somewhere. All moms do.

I think the issue is that as others have said 35 isn't old especially for this area. Even now I am not the oldest mom at my DC's elementary. And as a 40 something with an elementary kid you won't be either. There is no perfect time, but once you get into your mid-30s or 40s it's not like you can go back and do-over. You just keep pushing ahead from where you are.

Where you may notice it most is on your child's youth league teams. But even there the big tell isn't in the moms it's the 40/50 something dads versus the 30 something dads. I was once fairly athletic and am still in decent shape but I don't feel the pressure to get out there and give it my all. Some of the dads do move more like grandpas, but who cares? They are all at the point in their careers where they can actually show up at the 5 pm practices and the kids themselves don't seem to notice or care. They are just happy to have Dad there.

Enjoy the early years, it goes fast and before you know it your kids don't really want you around anyway so it doesn't really matter how old you were when you had them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread expecting someone 10 years older than you are OP.

Same here. While not young, you are the new normal age and on the younger-side of new age for having kids.

I had first and only in late 40s