Terrified of being an older mom

[Anonymous]

35 is not old! And it is not old to be a mom! If you feel old or lack of energy, then I would seek out help from a doctor to get back on track. There are plenty of 40-something moms and 50-something dads at my toddlers preschool. That said, I'm in my late thirties and I have a couple friends from high school that look and act OLD, but the one I'm thinking of has 8 kids and she has totally let herself go. On the other hand, I feel like I'm in my prime in my late thirties, but I only have 2 kids and I prioritize my health and exercise and I hire help around the house and with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start exercising if you have no energy at 35. But the real answer is this is generalized anxiety and has nothing to do with being an "older" mom. You're going to be a perfectly averaged-age FTM for the DC area. Look around and let the terror melt away.

This is great advice. Had my kid at 38. Not sure I had less energy than when I was younger but one thing I know is that I definitely had more emotional maturity. OP, maybe you're just scared about having kids in general - which is completely to be expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 35 you are not 'older'.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't mean to be unkind but you're manufacturing this "problem".

I had a child at 39. It's more than fine.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I adopted a baby when we were 48 and 51. He is 4.5 now, and the love of our lives. We have plenty of energy to keep up with him. We both work out 5+ times a week and do active stuff with him like hiking, skiing, going on walks. I still have plenty in common with the moms of all of his friends. In fact, the new friends I've mad has been one of the unexpected joys of parenthood for me. I love my munchkin and cannot imagine life without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread expecting someone 10 years older than you are OP.

Same here. While not young, you are the new normal age and on the younger-side of new age for having kids.

I had first and only in late 40s

Same here too. You are younger than most of my friends and I were.

[Anonymous]

I had my third child at 38. I’m now 43 with a preschooler and don’t feel old at all when I’m around her preschool friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread expecting someone 10 years older than you are OP.

+1 I was 36 (6 years of infertility) and 38 when my kids were born. They are teens now and they keep me young.

[Anonymous]

I had kids at age 33 and 36, and I'm going to say that if you want more than 1 kid, I think it can get a little more tiring as you get older (compared to someone in their 20's). You can get a physical if you feel tired now just to check if you have anemia or thyroid disorder. That's a good idea anyway if you want to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

It is what it is. There is rarely a perfect time to have a kid. So you might be more tired than you would've been a few years earlier (not entirely sure that's true but I'm assuming you know yourself better than we do).

I had my first at age 35 and my second at age 38. Yes, it's tiring. But I have a lot more flexibility at work than I did when I was younger. We are more financially stable. I'm a more patient, attentive mom than I would've been had we started our family years earlier.

There are benefits and disadvantages no matter what age you are.

[Anonymous]

Your anxiety has been holding you back. Op, you obviously need a reset on how you approach things.

[Anonymous]

The early stages of a baby are OK in your 30's. The real difficult time is about 10+ later when you have tween/teen and your parents start getting sicker and need help. Then when you are in your late 50's you have to pay for college when you really want to retire.

Being an old parent does have a lot of advantages though. You are richer, wiser and further into your career/education than if you started in your 20's. That all helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my third child at 38. I’m now 43 with a preschooler and don’t feel old at all when I’m around her preschool friends.

Around the DMV being in 30's or 40's with young kids is normal. Very few parents in 20's around here.

[Anonymous]

Things here are different, as everyone else has noted i gad my second and last one at 35. Im right in the middle of my peers, or even on the early side. Im 45 now and my kids are tweens. Time flies! I am actually possibly in better shape (stronger) than i was back then. You can do it!

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP, you are manufacturing this problem. My only concern for you is that if you manufacture this problem you will manufacture more. Parenting at any age takes energy.