Terrified of being an older mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to have children earlier but couldn't due to financial issues. I am about to turn 35 and will be TTC soon. I already feel so tired and exhausted that the idea of caring for a new born seems terrifying.

How do older parents deal with lack of energy to care of children?

35 in this area is not far off from average. For real.

You just deal. If you can get more fit now prebaby, that will help you later. But at the end of the day, you just muster up the strength to just deal with the daily fatigue. When you see your baby is utterly dependent on you/adults or hear him/her cry in the middle of the night, you suddendly get energy to get up. I was surprised at how caring and attentive I was. I am very low energy and not fit. I gave birth at 36. I was worried about being able to be there for every middle of the night cry. Surprisingly, I was. Mom strength. Mom power. It's real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread expecting someone 10 years older than you are OP.

Same here! OP, you cannot turn back the time. I wish I had kids earlier, but it was not in the cards for me. I still love every moment I spend with them. Given how old I was, it was important for me to give them siblings. Luckily, it worked. Other than that, I am trying to stay healthy. And they also get the benefit of me no longer stressing out about my career.

[Anonymous]

You are not very old - I had my kids at 42 and 45. And yes it's exhausting, but you will work to keep up with them, and that will keep you/get you in shape and keep you feeling young.

[Anonymous]

So...my experience is a little different in that I had my only at 38 and all of my local mom friends ARE younger. Most had their kids at 32 or so, so I'm always the oldest by 4-7 years.

BUT. I doesn't matter. I don't think any of them could tell you how old I am and they wouldn't care or judge. I do feel a little awkward as one of them is celebrating her 40th birthday this year while I head toward 50. But again, no one else cares.

And, I don't think I'm any more tired than they are. That's a personal thing not an age thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do older parents deal with lack of energy to care of children?

OP it's a marathon, not a sprint. I'll get flamed for saying this, but the teen years can be much worse than the baby years. And by then, you will be older. Eat well. Exercise. Get help. Cultivate your village. Parenting is humbling.

[Anonymous]

It will be OK.

It's often exhausting, that's true. But that's true no matter what. If you have a supportive partner, you should be OK.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 36 and 39. Among my older child's friends, I'm one of the older moms, but there are several others around the same age and a few that are older. Among my younger child's friends, yes, I'm definitely one of the oldest moms but it doesn't matter.

The energy thing isn't an issue for me, and I'm not a healthy, fit person, so I don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...my experience is a little different in that I had my only at 38 and all of my local mom friends ARE younger. Most had their kids at 32 or so, so I'm always the oldest by 4-7 years.

BUT. I doesn't matter. I don't think any of them could tell you how old I am and they wouldn't care or judge. I do feel a little awkward as one of them is celebrating her 40th birthday this year while I head toward 50. But again, no one else cares.

And, I don't think I'm any more tired than they are. That's a personal thing not an age thing.

+1 and thank you for saying this! My experience is very similar to your experience. I also feel a bit awkward about approaching 50, and I don’t widely advertise my age, while my mom friends have just turned 40. It’s reassuring to hear of others experiencing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 35 you are not 'older'.

I mean, she kind of is. She’ll be at least 36 for her first kid. It’s not like she 45 but in my circle (affluent, Ivy and Ivy-adjacent educated, higher-tier professionals) most of us had our first kid around 30-32.

[Anonymous]

Had my kids at 34 and 38. I think there's an unreasonable attachment to "being tired" as an "older" parent. You have no idea if you'll be tired compared to Moms in their 20s...because you didn't have a kid in your 20s!

Honestly, it just doesn't matter. You'll take care of your kid(s) just fine. Plus kids are tiring at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at 35 you are not 'older'.

I mean, she kind of is. She’ll be at least 36 for her first kid. It’s not like she 45 but in my circle (affluent, Ivy and Ivy-adjacent educated, higher-tier professionals) most of us had our first kid around 30-32.

You guys are clearly superior (affluent, Ivy, higher-tier professionals) 🙄.

People like you are just low class… no matter how much money they have