Ghosted by friends after surgery

[Anonymous]

Is it radio silence or is there a group chat where people are talking regularly and you’re chiming in on other topics.

Either way, I’m sorry, OP. I do think they care but some ppl just aren’t good at this. It’s something I wasn’t good at earlier in life. But I’ve trained myself to be more aware and do things that are uncomfortable (thinking more about my past awkwardness when someone passed away, for example).

You should just send a text and let them know how you’re doing. I’m sure they do care and will respond.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird and they are likely not such “good” friends as you had hoped. It is times like these where people really show their true mettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a small but close group of friends that go back 20 years. Kids friends, grew up together etc. We go out on occasion but have each others' backs. Text, keep in touch, live close by.

I had surgery 10 days ago. Have not had one of them check in on me. People are busy, I get that, but how long does it take to send a "how are you doing?" text?

Been there, done that. I’ve been in your shoes….it’s eye opening!

[Anonymous]

Are you being a drama Queen?

[Anonymous]

Send them a group text, filling them in on how you are recovering. My life is hectic and my memory is crap right now. I might remember that you are getting surgery, but can easily forget when it is. You have every right to be disappointed, but you can either sit in silence or give them a prompt.

[Anonymous]

OP it kind of seems like you're being needy if you need to ruminate on it this much. you had surgery - as you have said, it went perfectly, you need nothing, your family, neighbors, and other friends have been very supportive. I understand it was a big event in your life, but you need to cut other people slack. as others have said, people are managing a LOT right now. personally, I might not reach out because I'd be worried that you would ask me for something. if we aren't super close and you asked me for something I'd probably do it to be nice, but oh my god I can't handle something else on my plate right now. I barely have time to breathe, and I can't handle another person's emotional/physical needs right now. maybe you're just not that close to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they all know? Just getting everything...was it for a health issue or for cosmetic? I have a million crises going on a la sandwich generation including ill kids right now (not covid-thank goodness). I would make calling a frie3nd who had major surgery a priority. If she just got a tummy tuck it would not be high on my list.

Oh yes, they know...we all talked before. Major orthopedic fix after injury.

Oh goodness, that is tough. Thanks for clarifying. I am sorry they didn't reach out. text isn't a lot to ask. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Thank you! This is a long time coming after an injury, and I'm thrilled to have it done! I kept being told the only answer was a total knee replacement but I'm way too young, but kept pushing and found a surgeon to fix it. I'm so happy, and doing well. Will be better when I can drive again!!

NP- this is an elective surgery? I sometimes check in with friends after elective surgery, and sometimes don’t. I’m far more concerned when it’s not elective and is an emergency. Then I’m more likely to try and bring something by, help with kids, whatever. When surgery is elective and planned you have time to prepare in advance, and have supports in place. If you ask me to be part of that in advance I will say yes to what I’m able to do, but I’m not going to go as out of my way as if it’s an emergency surgery that throws a family into chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you doing? Are you on the mend or scared? People have good intentions and don’t always follow through. Also, sometimes you just aren’t sure what to say so avoidance.

Get well soon.

Thank you for asking!! I'm doing ok...recovery and PT say I'm on schedule. Should be walking again soon. I'm fine and neighbors/older friends/family have been great. Don't need anything. This is 2nd weekend after surgery so I was thinking I'd get a few "how are you doing?" texts by now. More curious. Yes, people are busy. Maybe they are checking in with dh but I don't think so...

I would feel odd not checking in with a close friend 10 days after a major surgery. And yes, I usually do, take over food/snacks or whatever. But if I was swamped, I'd at least send a text!

OP, please don't become the annoying person who wants people to ask after them. They know that you will be alright and you have already talked about your issues before the surgery.

[Anonymous]

I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.

Wow.

DP.

You should check in on family and close friends…otherwise, you aren’t really close friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, they should have checked in with you. It’s crappy they didn’t. You should shoot each of them a text with an update and then let them know you feel a bit hurt that they didn’t check in on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.

Wow.

DP.

You should check in on family and close friends…otherwise, you aren’t really close friends.

I do check on them. It’s non-stop. If a few friends fall through the cracks, I’m genuinely sorry. Or maybe I’m more focused on family with severe problems rather than married friends recovering from orthopedic surgery. If you have a spouse, you’re not going to be on the top of my list. My colleague whose husband committed suicide lives near me, and I’m running errands for her and am watching her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.

Wow.

DP.

You should check in on family and close friends…otherwise, you aren’t really close friends.

I do check on them. It’s non-stop. If a few friends fall through the cracks, I’m genuinely sorry. Or maybe I’m more focused on family with severe problems rather than married friends recovering from orthopedic surgery. If you have a spouse, you’re not going to be on the top of my list. My colleague whose husband committed suicide lives near me, and I’m running errands for her and am watching her kids.

Well aren't you something - a cross between a non-empathetic sociopath and Mother Theresa. Your posting did nothing to help OP other than demonstrate that if any of her friends are like you, then she is best to drop them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?

Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?

Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?

The whole post is drama