Ghosted by friends after surgery
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Anonymous
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Have a small but close group of friends that go back 20 years. Kids friends, grew up together etc. We go out on occasion but have each others' backs. Text, keep in touch, live close by.
I had surgery 10 days ago. Have not had one of them check in on me. People are busy, I get that, but how long does it take to send a "how are you doing?" text? |
Anonymous
| Maybe they are just keeping up with your facebook/blog posts and don't want to bother you during your recovery. You might be my friend, I haven't texted you yet, but I'm following everything you write and care deeply about you. I just don't want to disturb you because it sounds like you're having a rough time with your recovery. |
Anonymous
| Are you sure they all know? Just getting everything...was it for a health issue or for cosmetic? I have a million crises going on a la sandwich generation including ill kids right now (not covid-thank goodness). I would make calling a frie3nd who had major surgery a priority. If she just got a tummy tuck it would not be high on my list. |
Anonymous
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How are you doing? Are you on the mend or scared? People have good intentions and don’t always follow through. Also, sometimes you just aren’t sure what to say so avoidance.
Get well soon. |
Anonymous
| Have you posted on social media about it? They may be waiting for that so that they can respond with recognition. |
Anonymous
| I used to get so offended by these things, but time has taught me 70% of the time they are just overwhelmed and 30% it's flaking. Had a friend not respond and found out her mom was quickly dying of late stage cancer-just diagnosed. Have also had a friend overwhelmed by inlaw drama and typical kid stuff, but I understood because it fills your brain. You may need to send a friendly text- "surgery went well, but recovery is more painful than expected. So glad we have Netflix! Hope you are doing well!" Assume the best, not the worst. There are lousy friends who need to be sifted out, but more often than not life happens and a ball drops somewhere. |
Anonymous
I haven't posted anything publicly. Surgery came up quickly, and not too many people even know it happened. |
Anonymous
Oh yes, they know...we all talked before. Major orthopedic fix after injury. |
Anonymous
| What kind of surgery? Depending on what it was, they may not realize the level of support you need. |
Anonymous
| You know them a lot better than we do — what’s your sense of why they haven’t checked in with you? |
Anonymous
Thank you for asking!! I'm doing ok...recovery and PT say I'm on schedule. Should be walking again soon. I'm fine and neighbors/older friends/family have been great. Don't need anything. This is 2nd weekend after surgery so I was thinking I'd get a few "how are you doing?" texts by now. More curious. Yes, people are busy. Maybe they are checking in with dh but I don't think so... I would feel odd not checking in with a close friend 10 days after a major surgery. And yes, I usually do, take over food/snacks or whatever. But if I was swamped, I'd at least send a text! |
Anonymous
Everyone has busy lives, but we usually all keep up on a closed FB group. I guess out of sight out of mind? Assume I'm ok unless I reached out? I didn't really think about it a lot until today....2nd weekend after. And it's not like I'm mad or angry...or maybe I am a little?? Or have we all gotten so busy with life that the basic touching base is so hard? That makes me sad. |
Anonymous
Oh goodness, that is tough. Thanks for clarifying. I am sorry they didn't reach out. text isn't a lot to ask. Wishing you a speedy recovery! |
Anonymous
| It's hard to understand, OP, truly. |
Anonymous
| OP here: So I guess my question is this: If you have a friend that tells you they are having major (not cosmetic) surgery, how long before you check in on them or shoot them a text? |