Whitman Teacher and Crew Coach Arrested
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Anonymous
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Another family here where we have never permitted teachers or coaches to contact our 3 athletic kids directly You ALWAYS go thru the parent(s).
Sounds like a huge disconnect amongst families and communication. Parents too busy to take a call from the school? |
Anonymous
Wow. Way to blame the victims. I would like to think that I am a pretty involved parent with a close relationship with my kids, but I would never insist that teachers and coaches go through me for communication with my kids. I actually don't think that is appropriate or practical. I just ask that they use appropriate means - email or when texting it is a group text with the Athletic Director or some other overseeing entity included on the chain. Ideally Teamsnap or some similar mechanism that provides a record and accountability. |
Anonymous
Yes, sadly, I can only assume my child was a grooming target. I can only assume that he probed a little and pushed the limits. My point was not to defend him, but to highlight how difficult it is for a parent to identify this behavior in the moment. At a time when my own child was struggling with personal issues, which spilled over into academic issues, it was awfully hard to know whether her teacher was a "good guy" who helped her, or just a bad guy trying to groom her. Hindsight is 20/20. I will say that my mom radar sent up a red flag, as it does anytime an older man pays attention to my daughter, in any context. So I popped in to say hello on their video chats. (Video chats with teachers were common when school was virtual due to covid.) I emailed him separately (and let him know that I monitored her email). I asked friends who taught at the school whether I should be worried. Perhaps the most important thing was that I told my daughter that teachers are not allowed to text students, or take them anywhere. If he did so, I wanted to know about it. Maybe he sensed a vigilant parent and just backed off - I don't know - but as a result I never saw any red flags to report. At the end of the day, even assuming his motives were impure, he gave her very mature and responsible advice and she straightened herself out. So I feel pretty mixed. I would hate for the takeaway to be that teachers should never help students outside the classroom. The whole thing is just heartbreaking and sad. |
Anonymous
| Hell yeh, your popping in on the video chats probably helped. And letting him know that you monitor messages, that also helped. Without being confrontational you sent a clear signal that you were watching. He had other girls to pursue who didn’t have parents watching as closely. |
Anonymous
Are you for real? You think a teacher/coach having sex with students is only deserving of a letter. How about having the Montgomery County Police Department and the DC Police Department who are working the case give parents clear and concise contact information for if a parent has information for them? How about talking about the child and abuse training offered online for parents? Many parents might not know the course exists. What about addressing specifically what MCPS does when staff is caught violating the Code of Conduct and how violations should be reported? Is there going to be an independent investigation of what breakdown occurred? There’s a lot that could be discussed that wouldn’t interfere with a police investigation and they should be on hand to stop any information from being put forward that they don’t want released yet. |
Anonymous
Yeah it just makes me so sad. I'm not trying to be a smug parent, or blame any of the victims, but I'm sure it helped that I inserted myself in their conversations. Honestly, at the end of the day, it would have been my kid (not me) who would have encountered any inappropriate behavior and had to shut it down. So I guess my message to you all is: Talk to your girls (and boys), and let them know very clearly what is inappropriate teacher behavior. This includes: - One on one texting - Email to/from personal account - Rides in car - Physical contact - Going out (anywhere) alone - Visit to their home I'm sure all of these violate MCPS policy already, and it seems highly unlikely that the school district would even be aware if they occur. [My kid has played sports for 10+ years and the occasional text to a coach is normal, but only for things like "which field are you on?" or "I'm running late to the game". Otherwise, it's group texts all the way, or comms through the team captains.] |
Anonymous
The obligation is to the victim and her family not to the general populace. He is off the streets, no longer actively being a predator. Why should they waste their time talking to a bunch of parents with pitchforks, honestly? (I don't need an answer, that's rhetorical!) |
Anonymous
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I'm a little uncomfortable with the suggestion that the victims' parents weren't sufficiently on the case. Obviously, the Whitman parent who showed up in the zoom and made clear she monitored the communications deterred Shipley from pursuing her daughter as a victim. But I had three athletes go through Whitman, and I think each of them would have been uncomfortable with me getting between them and their coaches in this way. WW Football made it clear--we don't want to hear from parents if your kid isn't getting the look or the playtime. The relationship has to be between player and coach, etc. That instilled in me early on a hands-off approach. To be clear, we absolutely need to change the system and heighten awareness of these terrible grooming situations. But without having heightened that awareness, and while we're still learning, I don't think it's okay to smugly blame the parents of these girls or to suggest they weren't sufficiently on the case.
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Anonymous
You should give yourself a lot of credit. In all seriousness, it's so heartening to know that your daughter was spared further targeting because of your actions. I agree that it's because of those things you did. I'm sure it's hard to accept that a teacher who gave positive, effective guidance to your daughter was actually a serial abuser. But you don't owe him any loyalty. You see, that was part of his plan, to get your support so that you could reinforce his positive image to the community. His gift of helpful advice to your daughter actually came with strings attached...strings you couldn't see, didn't realize existed (e.g. thinking him a good guy). I don't think we need to change our culture/rules such that we have to prevent teachers from helping kids like your DD in the future. I think they could put some more policies in place to make sure the # of such private meetings by a single teacher are held in check somehow. Your sharing your story is so helpful in a couple of ways: you gave really concrete ways that your actions made a difference to protect your daughter, when she was actually being targeted even in a very, very subtle way. Other parents should read through and follow those examples themselves. Second, it's interesting to hear that your mom radar went off very early on. So the other lesson for the rest of us on here is to remind ourselves: trust your gut, even (especially?) early on.[u] One burning question: when you asked other friends about it early, what did they say? To what degree did they have knowledge of the things that would have caused your red flags to go up, and did they have the same concerns as well? I am wondering how much parents do help, or COULD help, other parents to sense a predator; clearly Shipley was able to persist even if at least one parent was asking around. I'm not sure how to articulate myself clearly on this, but it's making me think about what my role might be as a parent if I got wind of something indirectly, say. |
Anonymous
People are not, overall, smugly blaming the parents of these girls. I have been following this thread all along, and I can't recall that being a theme of the posts (perhaps it was here or there, but I don't see it as a persistent theme). Several PPs have pointed out, on the other hand, that parents can be groomed as well, and as such become vulnerable to the predator and unwillingly, unwittingly provide fertile ground for the predator's actions. I think people are also saying that parents should not let things slide--like private texts, rides--when they're aware of them. I am not sure what 'sufficiently on the case' entails. Other Whitman parent said red flags were going off right away. Parents not paying attention to instances where these red flags occurred, that's problematic. But it's also understandable--we're a very busy society, and as you point out, parents want to give teens their space. Going further, parents who don't even see these flags happen in the first place (e.g. private texts, rides, whatnot)... I'd guess that's either because the predator is able to operate stealthily enough, or because the parent is distracted (understandable--could be many things happening w/parent), absent (sad, understandable), disengaged (perhaps less understandable), or perhaps uninformed (e.g. does not realize a ride is against MCPS rules). Who knows which of the reasons applied to the parents of Shipley's victims. There has got to be a middle ground between '100% [private] coach-to-student communications only' vs. 'parent always communicates with the coach on behalf of student'. I can see that the latter would be a nightmare if the parent was a helicopter parent, for example. And you say that the relationship is between student and coach, which I get, but 'communications' isn't the same as a 'relationship'. Off the field, what communication needs to occur that a parent can't hear? Presumably the 1:1 relationship-building communication can be done at practices. At other times, do coaches communicate things other than logistics, schedules, etc? Can parents not be copied in, or could these not occur via group texts? |
Anonymous
| The other possibility of course, is that this guy while 100% a creep and a predator, was also a great teacher. It is possible. |
Anonymous
Quite likely. They often are well respected teachers and revered coaches. That’s who has the cover and the charm to pull it off. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. I am the parent of two younger (MS) kids who play sports and am finding this thread eye-opening and very helpful. Thank you to all. |
Anonymous
Eh, sadly, no. I had this guy as a teacher and he was pretty subpar compared with the others I had for history, let alone any other subject. I distinctly remember one day where he either left the room or sat at his desk doing paperwork while we were all assigned packets to work on or some other BS work, when I actually wanted a lecture and discussion like the rest of my classes at WW. He hardly did any teaching and let the texts/media speak for themselves. In essence, I felt abandoned as a student to learn the material myself. |
Anonymous
Wha? "The other possibility" to explain what, exactly? To explain...why students enjoyed spending time with him outside the classroom? Why students sought him out? Keep in mind that some parents here have reported that he's widely known to have "favored female students." If a teacher was so great in general as a teacher, the male students would have sought his company, as a role model of sorts. Or are you saying that he had amazing pedagogical talents, even if he were a predator? That's neither here nor there. Plus, I highly doubt he was an exceptionally gifted teacher in terms of a teaching skill set. My kids have had great teachers over the years and they didn't make them 'stand apart' among all other teachers. |