Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got a no kids family wedding coming up. Sadly, my kids would be really excited to go -- they love weddings. (They are teen/tween.) I hate weddings because I think all the lovey-dovey "we're the most special people in the world and we are marrying our soul mates" crap is so laughable. I've been married way too long. I mean, I'm happy for them and all, but some decades ago weddings became like these over-the-top celebration of the bride/groom with toast after toast full of platitudes and inside jokes and professions that these two people are the most special people ever to find each other on the face of the earth. And then half the time you don't even get decent cake because people decided that was too traditional and so they're going to do something "unique" like popsicles or something.
Don't worry -- DCUM, I'm spewing my cynicism here, so I can be all smiles for the bride and groom, who really are a very sweet couple. And I'm going to just leave my kids in a hotel room by themselves with the wifi password and hope for the best.

I like your diversion because it gives me the opportunity to make the observation I love making about weddings - the one about how statistics bear out that the larger and more expensive the wedding, the higher the correlation with divorce.

Spending tens of thousands on a fairytale wedding day is fine I guess, but lots of couples experience a lot of dysfunction in the lead up to the event and often that dysfunction pours over to other family members. This dysfunction is so common it is glorified in reality TV by our culture! Too many people- women especially - obsessed with the ‘princess for a day’ aspect of weddings today and not so focused on the pragmatism of lasting marriage.

My parents got married in my grandmother’s living room. Married 47 years until my mother’s death. I’ve seen so many big production weddings result in marriages that didn’t last 10. Not sure it’s worth that kind of investment - whether or not kids attend.

Oh please,

[Anonymous]

I had a big, expensive, fun wedding with no kids (that my parents could comfortably afford and insisted on throwing for us) and now I’m happily married with a kid and I still love kid-free weddings, suck it.

I go to weddings and enjoy celebrating the couple, connecting with other adults, drinking and dancing and waking up for room service breakfast (with the baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP that it's rude not to invite family children to weddings.

But I will also say that my (or your) opinion on it doesn't change that some people will still do this. Either skip it, or attend without your DH.

I invited all my friends to bring their kids to our wedding. It didn't feel right to me to leave them out. We had maybe 6 kids there total, instead of about 25. It turns out most people DO NOT WANT to bring their small children to an afternoon/evening wedding. The only kids who came were related to us. No one "ruined" anything. They sat through the ceremony, they danced at the reception, and went home after cake. Not a huge deal at ALL.

Good for you so the next person who has a wedding you want to pay for all those extra kids to come I guess you think everybody has a limit less budget.
GTFOH!

How does having 6 children attend mean I had a limitless budget? Yes, I invited up to 25 kids (of varying ages from toddlers to teenagers). Many many people chose to leave their kids at home, despite them being invited. What mattered to me was that they felt welcome to do what was best for their family. Yes, it meant I had to plan for the catering to be a bit more expensive if they'd all said yes, but it was hardly astronomical. And the actual relationships with people were much more important to me than anything else. Plus, like I said, it worked out really well and I didn't have anyone writing on a message board at how rude they thought I was because I didn't invite their child.

I think inviting children in the family is important because these are family events. Your friends are not there for your whole long life. Your family usually is. When do you see those family members? Funerals and weddings. So yes, having happy family weddings included all members of the family I think is a part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've got a no kids family wedding coming up. Sadly, my kids would be really excited to go -- they love weddings. (They are teen/tween.) I hate weddings because I think all the lovey-dovey "we're the most special people in the world and we are marrying our soul mates" crap is so laughable. I've been married way too long. I mean, I'm happy for them and all, but some decades ago weddings became like these over-the-top celebration of the bride/groom with toast after toast full of platitudes and inside jokes and professions that these two people are the most special people ever to find each other on the face of the earth. And then half the time you don't even get decent cake because people decided that was too traditional and so they're going to do something "unique" like popsicles or something.
Don't worry -- DCUM, I'm spewing my cynicism here, so I can be all smiles for the bride and groom, who really are a very sweet couple. And I'm going to just leave my kids in a hotel room by themselves with the wifi password and hope for the best.

You may as well decline. I doubt you'll be able to hide your bitterness and cynicism. I can't imagine attending a wedding and thinking so little of the bride and groom, projecting and finding fault and sneering.

And who cares if your kids would be excited to go? It's not about them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

That is kind of an interesting perspective.

I never really thought about it as being about the two of us. The marriage is about the two of us, for sure. We invited people to the ceremony because people wanted to come and see us get married. We had a reception because a lot of people were flying in or driving a long way, and it seemed kind of crappy not to at least feed them after the ceremony. Maybe the wedding is about the two people getting married, but the reception is for the people who came out to be with you. It isn't about everyone you know trying to give you this special, magical day.

OK Kim Kardashian, everybody doesn’t have thousands or even millions of dollars to invite and pay for hundreds of all of their friends and relatives. And it’s really asinine that you would not admit that, realize that, or take that into consideration when talking about other people’s’ plans for, YES, THEIR special day !
Guess what? It’s a wedding it’s just that it’s a wedding it’s one of event, it’s not a lifetime and if you judge a lifetime of familial relationships
over one event that your behind is not paying for that says more about you than it does about the couple.

I guess you can see your family how you want to. I felt grateful that the people who came wanted to be present.
I didn’t feel entitled to have everyone I know jump hoops to make my SPECIAL DAY all about me. It’s just a different perspective.

Are you stupid? It’s about budget everybody does not have the budget to have all the kids in their family at their wedding what is it that you weren’t understanding about that?

It’s rarely about budget. If it were about budget, then the kids wouldn’t be invited to the family reunion either.
IME, the more expensive a wedding is, the less likely it is that children are invited.

Are you smoking meth? a wedding is not the same as a family reunion are you kidding me just one person or just one couple throw do not throw a family reunion.

Lol...I think I’m a bit more country than you guys are . I don’t think I have ever received a line item bill for my part of a family get together, and I’ve never issued one when I’ve hosted.
I’ve also been to a number of weddings where people other than the couple contributed food and drinks, (typically kids invited), and ones where people were expected to show up with envelopes full of hundreds (typically no kids invited).
It has NOT been my experience that people aren’t inviting kids because they can’t afford it.

Our family reunions are at two beach houses and involve catered dinners, so yes, everyone pays the portion full r their family unit. We’ve also rebated cabins at a mountain resort and ate at the restaurants in the lodge.

If it was a BBQ at a public park like yours, sure, I’d happily cover the bill myself.

Ahh...yes. It makes sense why you don't have enough money to invite your only cousin's child to your wedding then.

I literally have a dozen cousins, all of whom have at least two kids.

Anyway, I actually *did* invite kids to my wedding. All family members and kids were invited. I just find your premise of family reunions being something that one person pays for laughable. But again, if your "family reunions" are just in someone's backyard, sure. We have big, vacation-style reunions at nice beach houses and resorts. Not all of us count dinner at the K of C hall to be an event worth mentioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got a no kids family wedding coming up. Sadly, my kids would be really excited to go -- they love weddings. (They are teen/tween.) I hate weddings because I think all the lovey-dovey "we're the most special people in the world and we are marrying our soul mates" crap is so laughable. I've been married way too long. I mean, I'm happy for them and all, but some decades ago weddings became like these over-the-top celebration of the bride/groom with toast after toast full of platitudes and inside jokes and professions that these two people are the most special people ever to find each other on the face of the earth. And then half the time you don't even get decent cake because people decided that was too traditional and so they're going to do something "unique" like popsicles or something.
Don't worry -- DCUM, I'm spewing my cynicism here, so I can be all smiles for the bride and groom, who really are a very sweet couple. And I'm going to just leave my kids in a hotel room by themselves with the wifi password and hope for the best.

You may as well decline. I doubt you'll be able to hide your bitterness and cynicism. I can't imagine attending a wedding and thinking so little of the bride and groom, projecting and finding fault and sneering.

And who cares if your kids would be excited to go? It's not about them.

+1

Well said. Just stay home, OP. People who start wedding drama are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings aren’t “family events.” A wedding is whatever the bride and groom want it to be. Their wedding, their guest list, their choices. Go or don’t, but certainly don’t harangue them about it.

This! Agree. You can plan your own family event instead of trying to hijack someone else wedding to be what you think it should be. OP sounds entitled and lazy and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings aren’t “family events.” A wedding is whatever the bride and groom want it to be. Their wedding, their guest list, their choices. Go or don’t, but certainly don’t harangue them about it.

This! Agree. You can plan your own family event instead of trying to hijack someone else wedding to be what you think it should be. OP sounds entitled and lazy and clueless.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

I have been invited to out-of-state kid-free family weddings, and I don't think it's rude at all. It's up to the hosts to decide who to invite, and it's up to the guests to accept or not. People who don't invite kids should understand that that means that some people will not be able to attend. I attended my cousin's kid-free wedding by myself and had a ton of fun. I certainly wouldn't decline to attend out of spite or hurt feelings -- if I couldn't, then I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to bring my kids to a wedding. They are too much work and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself.

I don’t think anyone is forcing you.

I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding where anyone local has brought their kids. It’s more people who are coming in from out of town, and want to turn it into a little vacation and introduce their kids to relatives they don’t see often who are all gathered in one place.

In my family, people bring their kids to funerals as well for similar reasons.

Np i think kids belong at funerals if they are close relatives. It normalizes death, plus our funerals (catholic) are multi day events. The funerals we’ve been to recently have been a lot of work for us and I had to fly in beforehand to help plan. Whereas weddings are 5 hours long, easy to get a babysitter and a continue past my kids bedtime. I also don’t think kids belong on the dance floor or to be around adults drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a big, expensive, fun wedding with no kids (that my parents could comfortably afford and insisted on throwing for us) and now I’m happily married with a kid and I still love kid-free weddings, suck it.

I go to weddings and enjoy celebrating the couple, connecting with other adults, drinking and dancing and waking up for room service breakfast (with the baby).

I was with you until you used this vulgar term. Guess your parents couldn't afford manner classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister pulled this crap with her six year old. Lobbied parents and grandparents and ruined the months leading up to our wedding. I still don’t talk to her years later. It was not her event to organize, it was ours. Hate people who think their child is the eighth wonder who just can’t be left with a sitter!

If its someone you dont know and in a rural area then you may not be able to screen them. I dont leave my kid with anyone I havent met before or my kid hasnt met. A 3 year old should not be left with a stranger for hours on end in a place away from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

I have been invited to out-of-state kid-free family weddings, and I don't think it's rude at all. It's up to the hosts to decide who to invite, and it's up to the guests to accept or not. People who don't invite kids should understand that that means that some people will not be able to attend. I attended my cousin's kid-free wedding by myself and had a ton of fun. I certainly wouldn't decline to attend out of spite or hurt feelings -- if I couldn't, then I wouldn't.

This.

My own wedding was not kid-free, but I respect the wishes of the wedding couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister pulled this crap with her six year old. Lobbied parents and grandparents and ruined the months leading up to our wedding. I still don’t talk to her years later. It was not her event to organize, it was ours. Hate people who think their child is the eighth wonder who just can’t be left with a sitter!

If its someone you dont know and in a rural area then you may not be able to screen them. I dont leave my kid with anyone I havent met before or my kid hasnt met. A 3 year old should not be left with a stranger for hours on end in a place away from home.

NP. Then either stay home, or take shifts staying with the kids in the hotel room/going down to eat and socialize like my husband and I did at a wedding in rural Illinois. Plenty of people at that wedding did that, from my sister and her husband to one of my cousins and her husband who had a 6mo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP that it's rude not to invite family children to weddings.

But I will also say that my (or your) opinion on it doesn't change that some people will still do this. Either skip it, or attend without your DH.

I invited all my friends to bring their kids to our wedding. It didn't feel right to me to leave them out. We had maybe 6 kids there total, instead of about 25. It turns out most people DO NOT WANT to bring their small children to an afternoon/evening wedding. The only kids who came were related to us. No one "ruined" anything. They sat through the ceremony, they danced at the reception, and went home after cake. Not a huge deal at ALL.

Good for you so the next person who has a wedding you want to pay for all those extra kids to come I guess you think everybody has a limit less budget.
GTFOH!

How does having 6 children attend mean I had a limitless budget? Yes, I invited up to 25 kids (of varying ages from toddlers to teenagers). Many many people chose to leave their kids at home, despite them being invited. What mattered to me was that they felt welcome to do what was best for their family. Yes, it meant I had to plan for the catering to be a bit more expensive if they'd all said yes, but it was hardly astronomical. And the actual relationships with people were much more important to me than anything else. Plus, like I said, it worked out really well and I didn't have anyone writing on a message board at how rude they thought I was because I didn't invite their child.

I think inviting children in the family is important because these are family events. Your friends are not there for your whole long life. Your family usually is. When do you see those family members? Funerals and weddings. So yes, having happy family weddings included all members of the family I think is a part of life.

Are you crazy?
You do realize that for some people that family is toxic and their friends are their family. Who are you to tell someone else what they should do???
Some families get together ALL THE TIME, others, not so much.
Let people do what works for their specific circumstance!