DH called our nanny hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:get rid of her. protect your nest.

Some of us don't belong in the Aves group.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain to me why women hate attractive women?

OP doesn't hate her nanny for being attractive- or hate her at all.

I 100% trust my husband and he works around women, many young and attractive, all day. But I would not hire a young and attractive nanny. A nanny is in your personal space and has an intimate relationship with your family. It isn't the same as a standard "employee" relationship.

:arrow

+100. We always hear that it’s about opportunities and so this is an opportunity in your personal space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Since when is two people a group?

One person made a comment to another.

OP never said anything about a group discussion or a discussion period. Sounds like it was three comments at three separate times.

Jim said to Steve, “our nanny is hot”

Steve said Jill “Jim said their new nanny is hot/attractive.”

Jill said to Suzy “Steve said Jim told him your new nanny is hot.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

No. It isn't. The nanny wasn't present when she was referred to as hot.

[Anonymous]

OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Since when is two people a group?

One person made a comment to another.

OP never said anything about a group discussion or a discussion period. Sounds like it was three comments at three separate times.

Jim said to Steve, “our nanny is cute”

Steve said Jill “Jim said their new nanny is really cute and has a great body.”

Jill said to Suzy “Steve said Jim told him your new nanny is hot.”

FIFY

Remember the game, pass the whisper? About 3 people in and the original message had been significantly distorted and by the end it was usually something completely different.

and this is how I imagine this really went down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

No. It isn't. The nanny wasn't present when she was referred to as hot.

Just because you're not present doesn't mean it wasn't sexual objectification? Would you say the same thing if it was a more explicit phrase, like the other examples I used? How on earth does presence have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Since when is two people a group?

One person made a comment to another.

OP never said anything about a group discussion or a discussion period. Sounds like it was three comments at three separate times.

Jim said to Steve, “our nanny is hot”

Steve said Jill “Jim said their new nanny is hot/attractive.”


Jill said to Suzy “Steve said Jim told him your new nanny is hot.”

Okay I didn't realize exactly how the conversations went, but to me it makes it even worse that two guys were discussing how hot the nanny is. But obviously that's just my opinion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

And if you are not going to fire her, NEVER NEVER leave the 2 of them alone in the house, even if you are just gone for a minute up the street. I wouldn't even leave them in the same room alone if I was in the house. Trust your instincts! NEVER turn your back on the 2 of them when they are in the same room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

And if you are not going to fire her, NEVER NEVER leave the 2 of them alone in the house, even if you are just gone for a minute up the street. I wouldn't even leave them in the same room alone if I was in the house. Trust your instincts! NEVER turn your back on the 2 of them when they are in the same room.

Oh, for God's sake, why should the nanny lose her job? Because the OPs hisband is an ass? OP needs a new husband not a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Since when is two people a group?

One person made a comment to another.

OP never said anything about a group discussion or a discussion period. Sounds like it was three comments at three separate times.

Jim said to Steve, “our nanny is hot”

Steve said Jill “Jim said their new nanny is hot/attractive.”

It is totally normal for two guys who are friends to talk about a woman (nanny or not) being hot. The friend shouldn't have told his wife--that was dumb. And that wife should not have told OP, but she was clearly trying to bother OP. OP took the bait.


Jill said to Suzy “Steve said Jim told him your new nanny is hot.”

Okay I didn't realize exactly how the conversations went, but to me it makes it even worse that two guys were discussing how hot the nanny is. But obviously that's just my opinion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Since when is two people a group?

One person made a comment to another.

OP never said anything about a group discussion or a discussion period. Sounds like it was three comments at three separate times.

Jim said to Steve, “our nanny is hot”

Steve said Jill “Jim said their new nanny is hot/attractive.”

It is totally normal for two guys who are friends to talk about a woman (nanny or not) being hot. The friend shouldn't have told his wife--that was dumb. And that wife should not have told OP, but she was clearly trying to bother OP. OP took the bait.


Jill said to Suzy “Steve said Jim told him your new nanny is hot.”

Okay I didn't realize exactly how the conversations went, but to me it makes it even worse that two guys were discussing how hot the nanny is. But obviously that's just my opinion!

I'm aware that it's "normal" in that it happens a lot and isn't a sign of terrible character. Lots of things that are "normal" aren't okay with me. Frankly I don't think that you should say something behind your spouse's back that you wouldn't be okay with them hearing.