How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

At the expense of being disinherited. #notsmart #stayinyourlane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

Not in my parents' case. I know it feeds your narrative to think sex has stopped as a justification for cheating. Not always. But keep working that narrative if it helps you sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Good for you for doing the right thing and helping your mom with this. You’ve got to feel good about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

This exactly.

I think there are multiple people
Who have been affected by dad’s cheating and so why are you discounting all of these views?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

You keep covering for cheaters but fail to realize that your sex life is absolutely your kids business. Your kids have a right to know that you only have sex with your spouse and then only on times when it doesn't take away from them. If they find out their parents aren't perfect and one of them cheated, they will be decimated and will never trust another person again. So your obligation as a parent doesn't end when they are adults either and you must lower your desire for your needs to theirs. That's called being a parent and if it means you must be celibate because your spouse looses interest in sex, then that is what you signed up for when you procreated. Cheating is devastating for kids, just as divorce is. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

This exactly.

Wrong. All the evidence shows that kids thrive much more in divorced homes on shuttle schedules and reduced finances where their parents are having ethical sex with new partners than when one spouse is cheating but keeping the family intact. Divorce is absolutely preferable for kids, just ask the kids of divorce and they will tell you how they were thrilled when their parents ethically announced the divorce so they could ethically take on new partners and not sneak around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

At the expense of being disinherited. #notsmart #stayinyourlane

Lol. My dad makes a lot of money but he's also under mountains of personal debt. He had almost nothing saved for retirement until last year. It doesn't matter though, I wouldn't want his money anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.

Anyone who is thinking , “Oh, we will just wait til the kids are gone and then divorce” should read this. It is a massive upheaval even for college age kids and older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.

Thank you for sharing, PP. I really admire what you’ve done, and I’m sorry for the pain your father caused you. I hope you did some therapy for yourself. Even though you didn’t find out until you were an adult and may have thought you can “handle it”, as you can see the issues reverberate lifelong throughout other relationships. Even two years later, all this is likely pretty raw, but it does get better - not perfect but better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.

It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.

Anyone who is thinking , “Oh, we will just wait til the kids are gone and then divorce” should read this. It is a massive upheaval even for college age kids and older.

Agree, and that's why that unless there is physical abuse you stick it out. Even if the marriage is cold or sexless, your duty is to your kids, not yourself. Sex comes optional, like heated seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

This exactly.

Wrong. All the evidence shows that kids thrive much more in divorced homes on shuttle schedules and reduced finances where their parents are having ethical sex with new partners than when one spouse is cheating but keeping the family intact. Divorce is absolutely preferable for kids, just ask the kids of divorce and they will tell you how they were thrilled when their parents ethically announced the divorce so they could ethically take on new partners and not sneak around.

I agree with you but not everyone feels this way. I understand that many people take the other road...they feel to save the marriage for the kids, they cheat or they would have to divorce. Some people believe divorce is worse. I don’t but I can understand both perspectives. For a man especially, they often think a divorce would be worse and use cheating as a way to survive an unhappy marriage. I think women are more likely to divorce before cheating if they are unhappy. Society is harder on men that leave their wives so I can understand their point of view in these cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.

He should have divorced first. Wanting sex is not a crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.

Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.

You keep covering for cheaters but fail to realize that your sex life is absolutely your kids business. Your kids have a right to know that you only have sex with your spouse and then only on times when it doesn't take away from them. If they find out their parents aren't perfect and one of them cheated, they will be decimated and will never trust another person again. So your obligation as a parent doesn't end when they are adults either and you must lower your desire for your needs to theirs. That's called being a parent and if it means you must be celibate because your spouse looses interest in sex, then that is what you signed up for when you procreated. Cheating is devastating for kids, just as divorce is. Own it.

You are crazy.