Spanking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

So DS was having a tricky morning, you hit him, and the next day he's an angel. Do you feel good that using violence and beating your child made him behave better? If my husband hit me, I'd certainly stop doing whatever it was that annoyed him so that he wouldn't hit me again - but I could also report that to the police as that is domestic abuse.And I'd also hate him for humiliating me and harming me, just because he's bigger and stronger than I am. Are you pleased that your son sees you as the bad cop? That you are the one that hits when he does something you don't like? How sad that your kid will now think that people hit as a way of telling someone to quit doing something.

How would you feel if your DH took away your phone and told you that you could earn it back by being better-behaved with him, and he would give you a sticker each time he approved of your behavior? Would this be appropriate in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

What is a "thorough spanking," and for what infraction?

Thorough as in a spanking vs the usual one or two taps on the back of the hand.
The infraction was being difficult and disrespectful to mommy. DW is very patient, so for her to have to come to me knowing it would sadden her to see me disciplining him, means he must have been getting on her last damn nerve.
by the time I got up the stairs, he was screaming, and had just finished throwing stuff around in his room.

People may judge spanking, but I'd rather spank him now and keep him on the right track; as opposed to him getting shot up by the police for something as simple as J walking.

What is an actual "spanking" in your definition or implementation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

So DS was having a tricky morning, you hit him, and the next day he's an angel. Do you feel good that using violence and beating your child made him behave better? If my husband hit me, I'd certainly stop doing whatever it was that annoyed him so that he wouldn't hit me again - but I could also report that to the police as that is domestic abuse.And I'd also hate him for humiliating me and harming me, just because he's bigger and stronger than I am. Are you pleased that your son sees you as the bad cop? That you are the one that hits when he does something you don't like? How sad that your kid will now think that people hit as a way of telling someone to quit doing something.

Nope, which is why it isn't appropriate with kids either. The child-parent relationship, just like the adult-adult relationship, doesn't need punitive measures to be functional.

How would you feel if your DH took away your phone and told you that you could earn it back by being better-behaved with him, and he would give you a sticker each time he approved of your behavior? Would this be appropriate in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

So DS was having a tricky morning, you hit him, and the next day he's an angel. Do you feel good that using violence and beating your child made him behave better? If my husband hit me, I'd certainly stop doing whatever it was that annoyed him so that he wouldn't hit me again - but I could also report that to the police as that is domestic abuse.And I'd also hate him for humiliating me and harming me, just because he's bigger and stronger than I am. Are you pleased that your son sees you as the bad cop? That you are the one that hits when he does something you don't like? How sad that your kid will now think that people hit as a way of telling someone to quit doing something.

Nope, which is why it isn't appropriate with kids either. The child-parent relationship, just like the adult-adult relationship, doesn't need punitive measures to be functional.

How would you feel if your DH took away your phone and told you that you could earn it back by being better-behaved with him, and he would give you a sticker each time he approved of your behavior? Would this be appropriate in your marriage?

Then you're arguing a totally different topic. You should start a new thread that with the title "The Child Parent Relationship Doesn't Need Punitive Measures."

[Anonymous]

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

What is a "thorough spanking," and for what infraction?

Thorough as in a spanking vs the usual one or two taps on the back of the hand.
The infraction was being difficult and disrespectful to mommy. DW is very patient, so for her to have to come to me knowing it would sadden her to see me disciplining him, means he must have been getting on her last damn nerve.
by the time I got up the stairs, he was screaming, and had just finished throwing stuff around in his room.

People may judge spanking, but I'd rather spank him now and keep him on the right track; as opposed to him getting shot up by the police for something as simple as J walking.

np. I have no problem with this. More dads need to be the disciplinarians, imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

What is a "thorough spanking," and for what infraction?

Thorough as in a spanking vs the usual one or two taps on the back of the hand.
The infraction was being difficult and disrespectful to mommy. DW is very patient, so for her to have to come to me knowing it would sadden her to see me disciplining him, means he must have been getting on her last damn nerve.
by the time I got up the stairs, he was screaming, and had just finished throwing stuff around in his room.

People may judge spanking, but I'd rather spank him now and keep him on the right track; as opposed to him getting shot up by the police for something as simple as J walking.

np. I have no problem with this. More dads need to be the disciplinarians, imo.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do spankers make of all the average to well behaved children whose parents haven't/wouldn't spank? Given that it's obviously possible to raise children with fine behavior without resorting to spanking, what is the appeal of dpanking? Do you believe it works "faster"? Or do you not believe that there are lots of well behaved children whose parents would never spank?

I'm not looking for simply average-behaved kids, especially not by DCUM standards. Additionally, I want to do as little disciplining as possible, and spend the most time as possible in a non-disciplinary mode. I don't want to be enforcing timeouts, or spending my parenting energy managing various lost and restored privileges for each kid. No, I prefer simple, concrete, swift and effective discipline that is over and done with just as quickly. That's the advantage.

+1000

So ... what do you do if your 3 year old misbehaves in public?

np. The possibility of a spanking is usually enough, but in maybe one instance, we went to the car.

Wow, if you spank your 3 year old enough to have them cowed into 100% good behavior in public ... that's a lot of spanking/scaring.

You make a lot of strawman assumptions, but it's not that often, and it's obviously more effective than alternatives (with a lot less total punishing).

Whatever. Spanking is trashy. I feel sorry for your kid.

Ahh yes, and we see that what was initially masquerading as educated discourse ultimately crumbles into the tedious old DCUM slurs. So convincing, you are.

lol, you're the one posing freshman dorm style questioning as "educated discourse" for a question that the rest of us consider obvious: don't hurt your kid.

When 90% of parents use it at some point and similar numbers agree that it's at least sometimes appropriate, and there are 19 pages of arguments on this thread, it's difficult to accept your assertion that "the rest" consider your opinion on the matter obvious.

Not sure about the 90% figure, but I can believe that a large percentage of parents spank at some point. However, "ever having spanked" is VERY different from subscribing to an affirmative philosophy like some PPs here that holds spanking as a central part of discipline and even believes that it is necessary for proper childrearing. Philosophical adherence to spanking is going to be much, much less than 90%.

[Anonymous]

" but minorities seems to dying and/or taking abuse at the hands of the police"

I don't disagree with your freedom to discipline how you choose, but it's not true that minorities are dying at the hands of the police if you adjust for their percent representation in the population and their percent of violent crime perpetration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

So DS was having a tricky morning, you hit him, and the next day he's an angel. Do you feel good that using violence and beating your child made him behave better? If my husband hit me, I'd certainly stop doing whatever it was that annoyed him so that he wouldn't hit me again - but I could also report that to the police as that is domestic abuse.And I'd also hate him for humiliating me and harming me, just because he's bigger and stronger than I am. Are you pleased that your son sees you as the bad cop? That you are the one that hits when he does something you don't like? How sad that your kid will now think that people hit as a way of telling someone to quit doing something.

Nope, which is why it isn't appropriate with kids either. The child-parent relationship, just like the adult-adult relationship, doesn't need punitive measures to be functional.

How would you feel if your DH took away your phone and told you that you could earn it back by being better-behaved with him, and he would give you a sticker each time he approved of your behavior? Would this be appropriate in your marriage?

Then you're arguing a totally different topic. You should start a new thread that with the title "The Child Parent Relationship Doesn't Need Punitive Measures."

+1
spanking is one thing, but it turns out many people against it are against any kind of punishment. please identify yourself as such.

[Anonymous]

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gambit wrote:You never heard of "Good cop, bad cop"?
DW is the good cop. I'm the bad cop. I'm the one that does the disciplining.

During one particularly troublesome morning, DS caught himself a thorough spanking. The next day, he was a perfect little angel. On the ride to school, he said to DW "Mommy, you're the good cop"
DW asked, "oh, and who is daddy?"
DS said "daddy is the bad cop."

I guess he heard us talking about good cop, bad cop.

So DS was having a tricky morning, you hit him, and the next day he's an angel. Do you feel good that using violence and beating your child made him behave better? If my husband hit me, I'd certainly stop doing whatever it was that annoyed him so that he wouldn't hit me again - but I could also report that to the police as that is domestic abuse.And I'd also hate him for humiliating me and harming me, just because he's bigger and stronger than I am. Are you pleased that your son sees you as the bad cop? That you are the one that hits when he does something you don't like? How sad that your kid will now think that people hit as a way of telling someone to quit doing something.

It's easy for you to judge me anonymously. So I don't really give weight to your anon opinion. But like I said before MY wife is a VERY patient woman. And she doesn't like when I have to discipline our son. So if she had to come to me because of his bad behavior, then it's that serious.

Maybe you haven't been paying attention to the news, but minorities seems to dying and/or taking abuse at the hands of the police son the protect them on a regular basis lately. I don't feel bad for all of those cases like where one teen pointed an airsoft gun at a cop, but the point still remains the same. I'd rather discipline him now and keep him on the right path so he doesn't grow up getting into trouble, and being shot over minor offenses.

So dysfunctional in so many ways. Your stone-age approach to childrearing is not really relevant to the rest of us who have progressed. GL with the teenage years.

[Anonymous]

I have never spanked my three, now teenaged, children, and none of them has ever caused my husband and I any disciplinary problems at home or school. My Southern, rural, high-school educated parents, never spanked me, or any or my siblings. We were well-haved children. My parents have told me as an adult that they made a conscious decision not to spank us since they harbored hard feelings for what they still believed to have been unfair and unwarranted spankings they suffered from their own parents. In particular, they felt their parent soften spanked them out of frustration, anger, or for things they didn't actually do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never spanked my three, now teenaged, children, and none of them has ever caused my husband and I any disciplinary problems at home or school. My Southern, rural, high-school educated parents, never spanked me, or any or my siblings. We were well-haved children. My parents have told me as an adult that they made a conscious decision not to spank us since they harbored hard feelings for what they still believed to have been unfair and unwarranted spankings they suffered from their own parents. In particular, they felt their parent soften spanked them out of frustration, anger, or for things they didn't actually do.

By your own definition, you were all well behaved kids so your parents didn't feel that spanking was warranted. I do think many parents do spank out of frustration/anger, but some of that comes from the child repeatedly not listening, and no other forms of discipline working. I'm not saying there aren't those parents that use spanking as a go to, because clearly there are, but not all parents who spank do so as the first resort.

I'm sure you know, not all kids are the same, not all kids respond to the same forms of discipline and/or punishment. I know one parent who uses going to your room as punishment for an ES kid, but that kid doesn't care and doesn't see it as punishment. No surprise then that child repeatedly gets into trouble for the same thing. Obviously, this form of discipline isn't working, but the parents keep using it. Opposite sides of the same coin.

[Anonymous]

We had never spanked until last night -- my son wouldn't leave his little sister alone and was repeatedly being too rough with her. All of a sudden my husband swatted his bottom (after repeated time outs and being calm). He did stop the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Reply to 13:27. My point was that my siblings and I, and my own children (and siblings children, since I know they don't spank as well), didn't end up in jail, or otherwise end up as troublemakers, as some posting have suggested, because our families don't use spanking as a disciplinary tool. Spanking is certainly not required to raise a well-behaved child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reply to 13:27. My point was that my siblings and I, and my own children (and siblings children, since I know they don't spank as well), didn't end up in jail, or otherwise end up as troublemakers, as some posting have suggested, because our families don't use spanking as a disciplinary tool. Spanking is certainly not required to raise a well-behaved child.

NO, because not all kids are the same. Some kids are just generally well behaved from birth. My sister was like this. My parents never had to discipline her. They said she was just a well behaved child. The rest of us, oh boy.

And likewise, not all kids who get spanked end up violent or hating their parents.