Spanking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

Different poster. I also think that sounds nuts. I've spanked my kids at 3 and 4 years, but older than that and I think they're getting too old for it. The method PP described, sit down the with child, explain what they did wrong, spank them, sounds like it's for older kids, not a 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's have an honest discussion. I think spanking is wrong. I think it can damage kids and cause distrust. More broadly, i believe (and i think some studies have shown) that demonstrating the resolution of problems, or enforcement of boundaries / one's wishes greatly contributes to a world where our impulses are to shove, punch, bully, murder, execute, and nuke one another into submission. At the same time, I can't even with these people who say EVERY child will respond well to positive reinforcement only and that anyone whose child doesn't respond isn't doing it right. i know spanking is wrong, and yet i don't have a foolproof substitute!

Why would it damage kids and cause distrust any more than any other punishment? I'm up for a civil discussion. My assessment is that it all depends on how it's explained and implemented.

+1
My kid thinks I'm mean when I punish him by taking away his electronic time. I think he'd rather I just spank him than take away his electronic time. He's 11. I don't think he remembers being spanked when he was 5, but he does probably remember when I spanked him when he was 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

Different poster. I also think that sounds nuts. I've spanked my kids at 3 and 4 years, but older than that and I think they're getting too old for it. The method PP described, sit down the with child, explain what they did wrong, spank them, sounds like it's for older kids, not a 3 year old.

I don't know. I think three year olds are perfectly capable of understanding what they did wrong and the consequence. Certainly when you send them to preschool, there are rules and consequences, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

Different poster. I also think that sounds nuts. I've spanked my kids at 3 and 4 years, but older than that and I think they're getting too old for it. The method PP described, sit down the with child, explain what they did wrong, spank them, sounds like it's for older kids, not a 3 year old.

So then what is a spanking in your definition?

[Anonymous]

I didn't think people still did this either, but I then spoke with a friend who spoke about it pretty casually, and I was stunned. It was eye-opening. I have never spanked any of my 3 kids, but I can't say they're very disciplined or anything. I was definitely spanked as a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

Different poster. I also think that sounds nuts. I've spanked my kids at 3 and 4 years, but older than that and I think they're getting too old for it. The method PP described, sit down the with child, explain what they did wrong, spank them, sounds like it's for older kids, not a 3 year old.

I don't know. I think three year olds are perfectly capable of understanding what they did wrong and the consequence. Certainly when you send them to preschool, there are rules and consequences, right?

Yes, but it happens right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's have an honest discussion. I think spanking is wrong. I think it can damage kids and cause distrust. More broadly, i believe (and i think some studies have shown) that demonstrating the resolution of problems, or enforcement of boundaries / one's wishes greatly contributes to a world where our impulses are to shove, punch, bully, murder, execute, and nuke one another into submission. At the same time, I can't even with these people who say EVERY child will respond well to positive reinforcement only and that anyone whose child doesn't respond isn't doing it right. i know spanking is wrong, and yet i don't have a foolproof substitute!

Why would it damage kids and cause distrust any more than any other punishment? I'm up for a civil discussion. My assessment is that it all depends on how it's explained and implemented.

+1
My kid thinks I'm mean when I punish him by taking away his electronic time. I think he'd rather I just spank him than take away his electronic time. He's 11. I don't think he remembers being spanked when he was 5, but he does probably remember when I spanked him when he was 8.

What did he do in those cases to get a spanking, and are you in the same camp as the previous poster in terms of how you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

Different poster. I also think that sounds nuts. I've spanked my kids at 3 and 4 years, but older than that and I think they're getting too old for it. The method PP described, sit down the with child, explain what they did wrong, spank them, sounds like it's for older kids, not a 3 year old.

I don't know. I think three year olds are perfectly capable of understanding what they did wrong and the consequence. Certainly when you send them to preschool, there are rules and consequences, right?

Yes, but it happens right away.

PP. This doesn't take any longer. It's not a long discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

You should never, ever teach a child that an appropriate act is to force them to disrobe and be harmed on private parts of their body. We call those people predators and I keep my children far away from them.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

For us, we don't do it out of anger or in the moment, which I think could be confusing. So one of us will sit down with the child and briefly go over the behavior that has earned the spanking. Then put him or her over our knee and give three or four spanks on the bare tush.

There's crying, of course, but it's not an out of control angry event.

You should never, ever teach a child that an appropriate act is to force them to disrobe and be harmed on private parts of their body. We call those people predators and I keep my children far away from them.

Honestly, I think that is even more messed-up. The thought of making a child pull down their pants so you can strike their bare bottom while they are over your knee is about as nuts as you can get.

Why is it nuts?

This is what I was wondering. DH does the same thing, more or less. He's more of the disciplinarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got 4 kids - oldest is 24. In general, I don't know of any of my kids friends who get spanked.

I think it's more common in the South, and among less educated people since so many studies have come out in the last decade or so saying that it doesn't work as a discipline technique (otherwise you'd only ever do it once).

I've never spanked. I've grabbed arms, and I've clenched my own fists to keep from hitting because I know I have a temper.

Curious definition of a discipline technique -- I wasn't aware that time outs were supposed to work the first time, that you only need to do it once. Or that you only need one check on a reward chart, that you only need to do it once. Do those not work as discipline techniques either?

This. I've never understood these impossible standards by which to judge a technique or punishment or whatever you want to call it. I will say, however, from personal experience, that spanking is a lot more effective than anything else (assuming, of course, that it's combined with talking and instruction, and praise etc.) Timeouts are often worthless.

It's effective, but depending on what you want the effect to be.

For example, I never did the behavior again. Check

But I never forgot that my father hit me and our relationship was never the same. I do not trust him and I will never, ever leave him alone with my child.

Effective? Yes.

not everyone who was spanked feels the same way as you. Perhaps you are just a really sensitive person and have other issues?

Agree, however research supports my line of thinking.

As for sensitive, I don't think there is a metric for that - but according to my coworkers and husband, sensitivity is not my strength.

Although, I will say, I don't hit children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think people still did this either, but I then spoke with a friend who spoke about it pretty casually, and I was stunned. It was eye-opening. I have never spanked any of my 3 kids, but I can't say they're very disciplined or anything. I was definitely spanked as a kid.

Maybe they would be better disciplined if you had spanked a bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you do it?

I mean - do literally?

Do you put your child over your knee and hit them? Do you hit them where they are standing?

What are the logistics of spanking?

I was spanked as a child (once) and I never forgot it. I'm wondering if it works the same for all parents.

This is a troll. You've posted almost the exact same thing an another spanking thread. Give it a rest. Parent your own kid.

Nope, this is the first time I've posted on spanking.

I'm sure other people in DCUM-world (there are a lot of posters) have similar questions. And considering most of us are in the legal profession, we tend to write in similar ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's have an honest discussion. I think spanking is wrong. I think it can damage kids and cause distrust. More broadly, i believe (and i think some studies have shown) that demonstrating the resolution of problems, or enforcement of boundaries / one's wishes greatly contributes to a world where our impulses are to shove, punch, bully, murder, execute, and nuke one another into submission. At the same time, I can't even with these people who say EVERY child will respond well to positive reinforcement only and that anyone whose child doesn't respond isn't doing it right. i know spanking is wrong, and yet i don't have a foolproof substitute!

Why would it damage kids and cause distrust any more than any other punishment? I'm up for a civil discussion. My assessment is that it all depends on how it's explained and implemented.

+1
My kid thinks I'm mean when I punish him by taking away his electronic time. I think he'd rather I just spank him than take away his electronic time. He's 11. I don't think he remembers being spanked when he was 5, but he does probably remember when I spanked him when he was 8.

What did he do in those cases to get a spanking, and are you in the same camp as the previous poster in terms of how you do it?

He was very disrespectful to me when I asked him to do something. He was given warnings about this previously. I turned him around where he stood and gave him a quick whack on the backside fully clothed. Now, when he starts to speak disrespectfully to me, I just give him a look, and he knows better because he knows he'll get electronic time taken away. That's the atomic bomb for him. When he was 5, he didn't have much electronic time, and he certainly didn't cherish it like he does now.

[Anonymous]

If those of you who spank are totally ok with it - do you let your friends know that you spank?

For example, when my child does something wrong and I have to put her in a time out, or remove her from playdate or party, the discipline is handled in public.

For the spankers, do you do it in public?

If not...why?