I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

I believe there are two tests he could have given. Pregnancy could contribute to a false positive on an igG test but then he could confirm with a western blot test? I’m not a doctor I’m just reading stuff online.

Would you know if your STBX had an outbreak? Seems to me he was hiding the peen from you for a while. Super sketch.

According to him, he’s never had one. My OB asked if I’ve ever seen anything and I told him no. He asked if ever had an outbreak which he said I would definitely notice for the first time because it’s very painful, I told him no. I have to come back in 2 weeks anyways because they weren’t able to get all the images, so he wants to talk to him and get all of his paperwork then.

OK OP. So to get this straight, you are going to blow up your life and your child’s life because your fiance has a virus that has never caused any symptoms, that he did not know about before he initially slept with you, delayed a bit telling you about, but then did tell you in time for you to take the proper measure to protect your baby. Do I have that right?

Please go to a couples therapist to sort this out. You may be mad at him now but just imagine how mad you will be when he gets to parent your infant 50% of the time and you have no say in what he does. And he will probably remarry so not only does this mean you don’t have hour baby 50% of the time, but there will be a stepmother in the picture who will effectively be another mother to your child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

You ARE reacting a lot more intensely than other people would. That is the point. You feel how you feel but it is not the only possible option here. You are being very dramatic and it is not clear that it is warranted. He told you the truth but just not on the timeline you wanted.

Again if you want to lose custody of your baby 50% of the time because you prefer to play the victim instead of working things out, go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

I believe there are two tests he could have given. Pregnancy could contribute to a false positive on an igG test but then he could confirm with a western blot test? I’m not a doctor I’m just reading stuff online.

Would you know if your STBX had an outbreak? Seems to me he was hiding the peen from you for a while. Super sketch.

According to him, he’s never had one. My OB asked if I’ve ever seen anything and I told him no. He asked if ever had an outbreak which he said I would definitely notice for the first time because it’s very painful, I told him no. I have to come back in 2 weeks anyways because they weren’t able to get all the images, so he wants to talk to him and get all of his paperwork then.

OK OP. So to get this straight, you are going to blow up your life and your child’s life because your fiance has a virus that has never caused any symptoms, that he did not know about before he initially slept with you, delayed a bit telling you about, but then did tell you in time for you to take the proper measure to protect your baby. Do I have that right?

Please go to a couples therapist to sort this out. You may be mad at him now but just imagine how mad you will be when he gets to parent your infant 50% of the time and you have no say in what he does. And he will probably remarry so not only does this mean you don’t have hour baby 50% of the time, but there will be a stepmother in the picture who will effectively be another mother to your child.

I’m not buying he didn’t know until recently. He got the results FOUR years ago. Let’s say he is somehow telling the truth, he found out 4 months ago. I told him I was pregnant October 30th. He said he found out in November - how convenient. That was MONTHS ago, and it’s not like he set me down and told me. I had to press. Things have been off with us sexually for months and I asked repeatedly what was going on and he never fessed up.

I can definitely see what you’re saying though about not having any say on how he’ll other if we’re not together. Like I said to the PP maybe I’ll calm down and see things differently, who knows. Right now? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

I believe there are two tests he could have given. Pregnancy could contribute to a false positive on an igG test but then he could confirm with a western blot test? I’m not a doctor I’m just reading stuff online.

Would you know if your STBX had an outbreak? Seems to me he was hiding the peen from you for a while. Super sketch.

According to him, he’s never had one. My OB asked if I’ve ever seen anything and I told him no. He asked if ever had an outbreak which he said I would definitely notice for the first time because it’s very painful, I told him no. I have to come back in 2 weeks anyways because they weren’t able to get all the images, so he wants to talk to him and get all of his paperwork then.

OK OP. So to get this straight, you are going to blow up your life and your child’s life because your fiance has a virus that has never caused any symptoms, that he did not know about before he initially slept with you, delayed a bit telling you about, but then did tell you in time for you to take the proper measure to protect your baby. Do I have that right?

Please go to a couples therapist to sort this out. You may be mad at him now but just imagine how mad you will be when he gets to parent your infant 50% of the time and you have no say in what he does. And he will probably remarry so not only does this mean you don’t have hour baby 50% of the time, but there will be a stepmother in the picture who will effectively be another mother to your child.

I’m not buying he didn’t know until recently. He got the results FOUR years ago. Let’s say he is somehow telling the truth, he found out 4 months ago. I told him I was pregnant October 30th. He said he found out in November - how convenient. That was MONTHS ago, and it’s not like he set me down and told me. I had to press. Things have been off with us sexually for months and I asked repeatedly what was going on and he never fessed up.

I can definitely see what you’re saying though about not having any say on how he’ll other if we’re not together. Like I said to the PP maybe I’ll calm down and see things differently, who knows. Right now? No.

Yeah stop for a minute. For reasons you have not examined you are assuming the worst about him - that he knew for 4 years and was lying. You are also assuming the worse about the actual health implications whereas your doctor doesn’t even think this warrants testing you. For whatever reason you are primed to assume the worst and take the most drastic action.

My guess is that the relationship was already shaky - most people do get married before getting pregnant or mary well before the baby is born. So you are now jumping on this as an excuse to break up. Which is fine but I don’t think you understand what losing access to your baby 50% of the time will mean. Your “fiance” is likely talking to lawyers right now so he can establish paternity and get joint custody.

[Anonymous]

“I didn’t tell you because it’s not inflamed at the moment”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

Excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I didn’t tell you because it’s not inflamed at the moment”

iykyk

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

The last two pages are full of replies from multiple people stating how it’s not standard to test if you’re not showing signs of symptoms. It’s not a reliable test if you’re not showing symptoms because many people will test positive for antibodies - it’s not a reliable test for infection, exposure timeline, etc., only that you’ve simply been exposed, which most of the population has. We’re simply repeating the typical protocol from doctors and health organizations.

Why are you acting like testing positive for the antibodies doesn’t mean you have herpes? That’s literally what it means. Positive antibodies = you have herpes and must inform all partner you have.

Which OP now has to do. She was exposed the same way he was, and he didn't even know he was infected.

Except he did know he was infected? He had multiple positive tests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

I think the point is you picked poorly. You chose a lying divorced man who potentially gave you and your baby a sexually transmitted disease.

You could have picked an honest trustworthy baggage/disease free man who hasn't been divorced, and you wouldn't be facing having your baby die from a gross diseased man who lies his f***ing face off.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry. I hope you and your baby do well.
Get rid of him. It's a horrible wake up call but speaks to his character and reliability. You don't want to be married to this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

I think the point is you picked poorly. You chose a lying divorced man who potentially gave you and your baby a sexually transmitted disease.

You could have picked an honest trustworthy baggage/disease free man who hasn't been divorced, and you wouldn't be facing having your baby die from a gross diseased man who lies his f***ing face off.

No, being divorced is not a red flag, that's really stupid. Secondly, he didn't know he was carrying herpes, like the majority of the population who also doesn't know. Let's not turn this into a personality issue. Shaming people for HPV or HSV means you are really naive.

This lady is now carrying herpes and she got it the same way he did , and the way so many people did. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

I think the point is you picked poorly. You chose a lying divorced man who potentially gave you and your baby a sexually transmitted disease.

You could have picked an honest trustworthy baggage/disease free man who hasn't been divorced, and you wouldn't be facing having your baby die from a gross diseased man who lies his f***ing face off.

No, being divorced is not a red flag, that's really stupid. Secondly, he didn't know he was carrying herpes, like the majority of the population who also doesn't know. Let's not turn this into a personality issue. Shaming people for HPV or HSV means you are really naive.

This lady is now carrying herpes and she got it the same way he did , and the way so many people did. Grow up.

x100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

So what's your plan now? To move on, and with herpes also? Now you are in the same boat as he is in. I am not sure what the point is, you loved him before this, but now you seem to want some moral hierarchy, when, in fact, you both got this the same way.

He should have said something in November, but in just reading comments here, really few people understand HSV, the types, the testing, the presentation, or anything. He figured it out and told you. You are well past fixing what cannot be fixed. He was stupid, naive, not a deceptive narcissist. Unless there are other issues, you need to consider the big picture. Regardless, he will always be your family, you have the rest of your life which will still be dealing with him as your child's father. Imagine telling your kid you left him because he realized he had herpes and told you about it at 20 weeks into the pregnancy.
Go into counseling to see everything clearly before making rash decisions. This is NOT the place to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very sorry. I hope you and your baby do well.
Get rid of him. It's a horrible wake up call but speaks to his character and reliability. You don't want to be married to this person.

No it speaks to the fact that most people do not understand HSV 1 and 2, presentation, testing, or anything. I'm not getting any personality problems here, except from both of them dealing with this. They both have to learn to deal with reality.